Sunday, September 25, 2011

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 3

Howdy Folks and Kin, 

It's week 3 of the NFL regular season, and I'm here at the Katywonkered Cafe' writin' up my picks for y'all to win y'all some dough so that y'all can do right by me. That's right! What comes around oughsta go around, too. Just like them them chickens and then eggs, or somethin'. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Ok, so let's get'er done! Here is my picks:

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-2) 

I tell y'all what there here is a cat fight! Them Jaguars are gonna start youngin' QB Blaine Garret who is a hopin' not go through what that there Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton is a goin' through. Cam is workin' harder than a peg leg in an ass-kickin' contest, but he's still endin' up with the short end of the stick in terms of winnin'. I prognosticate that this here be the week what he gets to beat up some on them kitties from Jacksonville. So go with them Panthers for their first week of the season, and watch the fur fly!

Detroit Lions (2-0) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2) 

Ok, this here is an easy game to call. Them Detroit kitties are on a roll, and I don't mean the dinner roll. But if they was to eat a dinner roll it would be like a Vikings and baloney sandwich. There ain't much good to say right now 'bout Vikings' QB Donovan NcNabb 'cept that he ain't playin' for the Miami Dolphins. I prognosticate that here will be another week what he gets to drive the short bus home from the stadium. So, growl with them Lions! 

San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) 

Ok, this here is a hard game to pick on account of both teams got them some youngin' Qbs what are playin' well. I had to spin me my little pigskin some and it pointed to them Bengals, and I agree. Heck, y'all might as well give the edge to the home team this week. I tell y'all what though, I sure like that there Bengals QB Andy Dalton. He sure plays with lots of spirit. So I say growl with them Bengals!

Miami Dolphins (0-2) at Cleveland Browns (1-1) 

All right, it's a cryin' shame what my Miami Dolphins are 0 and 2 comin' into this here game. It's a bigger cryin' shame that this game almost qualifies for the stinker bowl! That's right! The pressure is on for Dolphin's QB Chadd Henne and youngin' RB Daniel Thomas to go all smash mouth against' them Browns. That there Thomas was a breath of fresh air last week in his 100-yard plus debut, especially after our defense left a sour smell on the field once again last week. Meanwhile, them Browns do got them a decent defense, and a youngin' QB Colt McCoy what got him a fancy name … but that's about it. So I say go with them Dolphins! Come on boys, if y'all don't bring home a victory this week it's gonna get ugly. How ugly? Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road!

New England Patriots (2-0) at Buffalo Bills (2-0) 

Ok, now we got us an interestin' game. Them Bills ar flyin' high after a 2 and 0 start! This week y'all are gonna see what happens when Patriots' QB Tom Brady tries to make road kill out of them Bills. I tell y'all what, call me crazy but I think this here is a gonna be an upset as I prognosticate that QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and them Bills tell Pats' coach Bill 'cheatin' Belichek' “Sorry, hoss! We don't need no your bull!” So go with them Bills!

New York Giants (1-1) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) 

Ok, last week Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof ' Vick ate him some dirt and took a trip to lala land. If he's ready and rarin' to go at game time, then this game in his hands. I just don't see them Giants doin' anything more than prayin' real hard that Vick stays on the sideline. So go with them Eagles! (woof woof).

Denver Broncos (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1) 

Heck, y'all have to wonder what's goin' on with Broncos' RB Chris Johnson? Where is that boy at? 77 yards? What the heck is that? Them Titans' QB Matt Hasselbeck surely ain't no second comin' of Brett “geritol' Favre but he did manage to throw for 358 yards last week against them Ravens. On the other hand, Denver QB Kyle 'I ain't gonna play for them Dolphins' Orton did manage to pull out a win last week against them Bengals. All in all, I have to go with them big boys in this one. Until them Broncos can get their runnin' game goin' it's gonna be a hit and miss. If Orton drop the load this week, y'all are gonna hear shouts for Tim Tebow again! Go with them Titans!

Houston Texans (2-0) at New Orleans Saints (1-1) 

Houston coach Wade Phillips is on a roll with his new team so far. Looks like the road is a gonna get bumpy this week though. Saint's QB Drew 'call him the breeze' Brees at home? Shucks, this game is a no brainer! Go with them Saints!

New York Jets (2-0) at Oakland Raiders (1-1) 

Ok, I think there's lots of folks what are sayin' that them Raiders are a gonna win on account they dropped their games and their pants to them Bills last week. Only problem is their defense, especially against the run this year, are the ones still holdin' their bloomers drawers down around their ankles. I prognosticate that Jet's QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez will get the deed done this week, without too much effort. Go with them Jets, folks!

Baltimore Ravens (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (0-2) 

It seems to me them Rams are lookin' worse than a hound what puked and ate it. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko is gonna give them a 2nd helpin' this week. Fly with them Ravens, on account of them Rams just suck, and that there is all there is to say 'bout that!

Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) at San Diego Chargers (1-1) 

Warning! Losers ahead! That's right it's time for this week's editions of the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl! When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them Chiefs and them Chargers. Here's all y'all need to know folks: San Diego QB Phil Rivers: 4 touchdowns, 4 interceptions and 713 yards. Chiefs QB Mat Cassel got him 1 touchdown, 4 interceptions and 252 yards. For them Chiefs it gets uglier too on account of they had to out down Pro Bowl RB Jamaal Charles. Folks, that's all she wrote in this stinker. It don't take a rocket scientist to know y'all need to go with them Chargers!

Atlanta Falcons (1-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) 

Folks, I tell y'all what, I'm havin' a hard time pickin' this here game on account of I don't see too much difference between these two teams. Them Buccaneers are a sentimental favorite of mine, especially on account of them sexy cheerleaders what they all got over there what make me feel all randy and whatnot. On paper though I reckon them Atlanta birdies are a better team. Still, I'm gonna go with them Buccaneers since they're playin' at home and all. So I prognosticate some yo-ho-ho for them Buccaneers!

Arizona Cardinals (1-1) at Seahawks (0-2) 

Folks, I tell y'all what, this here game is like the next best thing to the Stinker Bowl. In fact, I'd say that if it weren't for Cardinals QB Kevin Kolb, this game would be the Stinker Bowl of the week. I reckon he'll give us somethin' to watch for at least half the game and hopefuly he'll do enough to overcome his defense what is lookin' sorrier than a horse steppn' into the glue factory. As for them Seahawks, the only thign they got goin' for them is that them Cardinal's defense is one can short of six pack. So I say fly with them Cardinals in this stinker!

Green Bay Packers (2-0) at Chicago Bears (1-1) 

Ok, it's blow out time, folks! Don't confuse Packers QB Aaron Rodgers for Bears QB Jay 'six sacks' Cutler. Neither team has shown much a runnin' game, so this game will come down to the better arm what Rodgers got. So go with them Packers what will send them bear-cubs packin', and cryin' for their mommas.

Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-2) 

Heck, it looks like them Colts is the team what everyone is lookin' to beat up on on account of QB Peyton Manning is still feelin' poorly, and them Steelers are no different. Steelers' QB Ben Roethlisberger is gonna put on a good show and is a gonna end up happier than a fat tick on skinny dog … or horse in this case. Go with them Steelers!

Washington Redskins (2-0) at Dallas Cowboys (1-1) 

Ok, it's Monday night football and it's cowboys and indians. Folks, this here is gonna be a good game! We got us Dallas QB Tony Romo and Washington QB Rex Grossman. Now Tony Romo might be feelin' poorly, and if them Redskins' offensive line can protect Grossman from 'sack king' DeMarcus Ware then they got them a chance of pullin' this one out. So I tell y'all what, I'm gonna give the edge to them Redskins, but only if Tony Romo ain't playin' with busted ribs.

Ok folks, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell you what, October is just around the bed. Y'all know what that means? It means it's time to start puttin' some presents and whatnot on 'layaway' for them holidays. That's right! So it's time to dig deep into all those winnings y'all are gonna get from them picks what I just gave y'all, and do right by me! And don't forget, tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! Heck at least y'all can pick up one of our 'Jugmongers Candy Corn T-Shirts'. The come in lots of colors and will surely make an impression at any Halloween Hootenanny, y'all are fixin' to go to. 

All right, so this here os Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: Folks, It ain't never no sin to get BBQ sauce on your chin!

Hey! Here's Some Kindle Reading For Y'all!

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