Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 1

Well Howdy Folks and Kin!

This here is Judd Jugmonger and rarin' to go with my picks for them NFL regular season games! I hope all y'all's teams do well this here year, but as them immortal folks say, what keep losin' their heads and what not, in the end there can only be one! So who's it a gonna be? I like to think it's my Miami Dolphins, the greatest football team, but I ain't so sure. I'll talk about that later on account of they play Monday night.

As usual, I'm sittin' here live at the Katywonkered Cafe', what's like the Starbucks in these here parts, 'cept they ain't got no Frappuccino or Mococciino or any other sorts of 'chino' what ain't spelled right. But cousins Justin and Janey what own the Katywonkered Cafe' make a mean iced coffee and they don't mind if I l spike it some with some Baileys. Also, they got them some wireless internet and got lots of beef jerky layin' around to chew on. So that sits might fine with me!

Ok, let's get on with them picks on account of it's been a long off season what we weren't even sure there would be no football season at all on account of them greedy team owners! Anyway, here we go!

New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers

First up we got us them holy boys from New Orleans vs. them defendin' Super Bowl champions from Green Bay. It's an air war folks what features quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Drew 'call him the breeze' Brees. At the then end day this here comes down to whose got more tools in the shed, and as far as I suspect, its a gonna be them Green Bay boys. So go with them Packers! I did. Heck, I ain't started off too bad this year!

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

Ok, next up got us them Pittsburgh metal heads vs. them Baltimore birdies what say 'nevermore'. This here is a gonna be a good game! Now, them Steelers surely did a number against the run last year, in fact they was number 1. But that don't matter none on account of this game is a gonna come down to Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko. I tell y'all what he's a gonna try to make up fer the fact that he ain't done much whackin' last years, and he sure is gonna try to stand up to Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger who's gonna be as busy as a cat coverin' his crap on marble floor tryin' to figure what to do with the ball. I may be wrong, but I say go with them Ravens!

Atlanta Falcons at Chicago Bears

All right, next up we got us them birdies from Atlanta what go over to Chicago to play them Bears. Folks, if y'all like smash-mouth football with lots of runnin' and lots of run stoppin' this here is one game for you. I reckon them Falcons have put their money where their mouth is buy shorin' up their run defense. Meanwhile, I just don't see them Bears have done much to improve their defense and are just a countin' on QB Jay Cutler to get the job done. Sorry folks, but the only thing I Cutler doin' is drivin' the short bus home form the stadium this week! I don't care much for them 'Care Bears' so I say roll with them Falcons!

Bengals at Browns

Ok, next up we got us a hoe-down show-down in Ohio. It's them kitties from Cincinnati vs. them Cleveland Browns. We got us Bengal's QB Andy Dalton startin' his first NFL game! Most folks hopin' for him to win this game are probably rootin' for 'Hail Mary' of sorts. As for me, I say go with Browns' QB Colt McCoy what's got a him a way better name and what's also got him a leg up on Dalton by one year … and I reckon he knows what to do with that leg up. Know what I mean ? I think y'all do. So I say go with them Browns … and let the 'rain' fall!

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

Ok, next up we got us them horses from Indianapolis vs, them long tall Texans from Houston. Colt's QB Peyton Manning is still feelin' poorly, so them Colts are waddlin' around like chicken with his head cut off. It don't matter none whether it's Kerry Collins or JohnKerry or even Kerry Marie what's gonna step up to the plate. It jut ain't gonna happen folks. Meanwhile, Texans QB Matt Schaub is a gonna show 'em how its done and get'er done. So go with them Texans, what I suspect might have break out year.

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

All right, that brings to us the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week! That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them big good ole' boys from Tennessee and them kitties from Jacksonville, way up there in the North. Folks, this here is another game what's gonna leave people scratchin' their heads tryin' to figure out where the QB is. If y'all remember 'WoodStrock' in Miami way back when, then y'all know the tune. Let's see, for them Jaguars we got us Luke McCown, Blaine Gabbert and startin' QB David Garrard ... no, hold on, Garrard is road kill now as of this week. If you ask me, coach Jack Del Rio is actin' like Vanessa Del Rio for kickin' Garrard's butt off the team a few days before the regular season kicks off. Meanwhile over there in Tennessee they still got them Matt Hasselbeck and Chris Johnson. Ok, Chris Johnson ain't a QB, but that don't make a hoo-ha none. He's all what's gonna count in this here game. I think them Jaguars will pick up steam later in the season, but out of the gate they won't know a rabbit from a hotdog. So I says go with them Titans!

Buffalo Bills at Kansas City Chiefs

Ok, next up we got us the herd from Buffalo vs. them Indians from Kansas City. QB Matt Cassel is feelin' poorly, but he's a gonna play anyway. And, he's also got RB Jamaal Charles to give him a hand off to. As for them Bills, well Ryan Fitzpatrick is a gonna … well, I reckon he's gonna try and … uh … oh shoot, folks. Go with them Chiefs. It ain't gonna be no barn burner, but I reckon them Chiefs are gonna get enough camp fire goin' to toast them some Buffalo marshmallow butt. Go with them Chiefs!

Philadelphia Eagles at St. Louis Rams

All right, next up we got us them birdies from Philadelphia vs. QB Sam Bradford and his herd from St. Louis. I'll be honest folks, I still can't pronounce Coach 'Spagnoula' without trippin' on the word spatula. But I think he's done enough to get his team to stop from trippin' around like what they did some years ago. Only problem is he's comin' up against Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof' Vick, what was hotter than a beer boiled hot dog last year (woof woof). Also, them Eagles secondary ain't gonna allow Bradford much room to go deep. I think this here is a gonna be a good game, but at the end day I think them birdies will fly high and Micheal Vick will take him some pot shots at them Rams. Fly with them Eagles! (woof woof).

Detroit Lions at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ok, next up we got us them kitties from Detroit vs. them swashbucklers from Tampa Bay. It's hard to pick this game when my eyes keeps wanderin' over them Buccaneers cheerleaders. Only names that comes to mind is Detroit's DT Ndamukong Suh and QB Matt Stafford, and maybe that's all what needs to be said about this here game. So I reckon there ain't gonna be much 'yo ho ho' in Tampa Bay this week. Roar with them Lions!

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

All right, now we got us them kitties from Carolina vs. them birdies from Arizona. Ok, them Panthers are gonna start youngin' QB Cam Newton what's is as green as goober what ain't been boiled yet. The Cardinal have traded up for QB Kevin Kolb. I tell you what folks, I had to spin me my little pigskin what ended up up pointin' to them red birdies, and I agree. I reckon that youngin' Newton is gonna show us more than a fig newton or Newton's apple … but only down the road! Go with them Cardinals.

Minnesota Vikings at San Diego Chargers

Ok, next up we got them hard hats from Minnesota vs. them bolts from San Diego. I reckon McNabb is a hopin' he's a gonna nab him this game with the help of RB Adrian Peterson. Only thing is that there Minnesota defense has gotten lots of bad press. Most folks think them Chargers are gonna start hot this year … but I just don't buy into it none. I think them Vikings are gonna surprise some this week by droppin' Thor's hammer on them Chargers. So I say go with them Vikings, who are hankerin' for some respect.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers

All right, next we got us the, birdies from Seattle vs. the numbers from San Francisco. Folks this game is like settin' your watersmoker on medium heat. It's Seahawk's QB Tarvaris Jackson vs. 49er's QB Alex Smith. I says who cares. If new 49ers' new coach Jim Harbaugh can light a fire under Smith's butt, they got them a chance. So I say go with them 49ers …. just because. Lord know there ain't no sense to something sometimes.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

Ok, next up we got us them big boys from New York vs. them indians from Washington. This here is another hard game to pick on account of I don't think neither has got them a real battle plan for the year. Them Redskins are startin' QB Rex Grosmman (who?) and them Giant's are startin' QB Eli Manning (yes I know). Them Giants' defense got themselves pretty beat up on defense in the last few weeks, but still if y'all don't think young Eli can outplay the competition then y'all are one can short of a six-pack, and that's the truth. Go with them Giants!

Dallas Cowboys at New York Jets

All right, net up we got us them cowpokes from Dallas vs. them super-sonics from New York. OK, it's Dallas QB Tony Romo vs. Jets' QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez. The short end on the eatin' stick says that Romo is a gonna eat some dirt this week on account of the Cowboys offensive line full of youngin's. Sanchez will take the opportunity and make use of Plaxico 'I done shot me in the foot' Burress who lookin' to show the world he's next Michael Vick (woof woof). So I says fly with them Jets!

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

It's Monday night football and we got us them Cheatin' Bill Belichick's New England Patriots vs. my Miami Dolphins. I reckon' most folks think this here game is a no-brainer on account of Tom Brady and Wes Walker are comin' to town. But I tell y'all what they sure is gonna surprised by my Fins what are gonna show the world a brand new offense. Of course, we still got us QB 'check down' Chad Henne what's been doin' better these days, though I hope he 'don't drop the other foot' with some gosh darn giveway pick-sixes. I prognosticate that there's gonna be an upset and lots of folks are gonna be real upset. So go with them Dolphins!

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

Ok, next up we got us them one-eyes from Oakland vs. them horses from Denver. Both them teams ain't hardly taken the shrink wrap of their new coaches. This game is a snoozer, and not just because it's on so late in the night! The bottom line is them Broncos' defense will make the difference in the end. In the pre-season, them Raiders looked more like browsers, if y'all ask me. So go with them Broncos! Hey! Where's Tim Tebow?

All right! That's it's for me folks. That there is my picks! Now, I tell y'all what I ain't gonna do a podcast this year on account of them bankers and revenuers done sent a repo man after my studio equipment! But if any of y'all nice folks want send me some 3-digit donations, or can help get me some sponsored ads, well then I'll see what I can do and I would be might obliged. So far satellite radio ain't come a callin', so for now that's all I have to say about that. Look for the donation link over yonder in the right. Start off the regular season off right by not forgettin' me when y'all rake in that dough what with them picks what I just gave y'all! And tell all your friends and kin to do the same!

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: if y'all want to be sittin' pretty high in the cotton, like Denver QB Kyle Orton what snubbed them Fins in an almost trade this summer, y'all gots to rise above them thorns!

-----------------

Kindle Reading For Y'all!