Saturday, September 17, 2011

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 2

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I got me my prognostications for week 2 of them NFL games. That means I got all the picks what y'all will need to win y'all some baby back ribs, and to send me some, too! This week some teams are winners and some are losers. For all y'all losers I got some good news: this week for a limited time only (that's what they say over at the Piggly Wiggly) y'all have the chance to even it up! Some of them teams will take that chance, and others, well they just is a gonna end smellin' like ... what Ron Jaworski said last week.

Ok, so here we go with my picks!

Seattle Seahawks (0-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)

Ok first up we got us a pair of losers. I reckon that them Steelers QB Big Ben Roethlisberger is gonna bounce back big time, while them grungy seagulls are still tryin' to fnd their special teams and offense after them 49ers did a number on them last week. I hope them Seahawks keep them feathers numbers for just such occasions. So I say go with them Steelers!

Oakland Raiders (1-0) at Buffalo Bills (1-0)

All right, now we got us them two winners. Now normally I wouldn't say too much 'bout these teams, especially them Bills. Them Bills' QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was hotter than a two dollar pistol last week. If his front line can hold up against them Raiderin' one eyes, well then them Bills have a good chance at winnin' two in a row, and they is at home! So I say go with them Bills, for this week at least.

Arizona Cardinals (1-0) at Washington Redskins (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners. Looks like them red birds need to take a lesson from them Seahawks and keep their feathers numbered too, on account of they are gonna get their feathers more than ruffled by Washington QB Rex Grossman. He's gonna try to do his best Cam Newton impression this week. Go with them Redskins!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) at Minnesota Vikings (0-1)

All right we got us some losers and I tell y'all what, this game could be uglier than a shaved poodle wearin' a zoot suit. Vikings' QB Donovan '39-yards' McNab is sort of playin' like a stuck hog. I'd like to think this was a one-off cow pie he stepped in ... but I think he's gonna get his other foot in the mess this week, too. So I say there's gonna be some yo ho ho this week in Tampa Bay, Go with them Buccaneers!

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0) at New York Jets (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners, at least until Sunday. Them metal birdies sure got lucky last week, and most folks know it. This week they and QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez is a gonna want to take things on their on their own terms to show the world what they is really made of. Can you spell defense? Them Jacksonville kitties are gonna go runnin' for the litter box. Fly with them Jets!

Chicago Bears (1-0) at New Orleans Saints (0-1)

Ok this here is a gonna be a good game. it's Bears' QB Jay Cutler vs. Saints' QB Drew 'call him the Breeze' Brees. As far as I know, it don't take no rocket scientist to know which way the pigskin is gonna roll on this one. Looks like last week's losers are this wee'sk winners, and vice versa. Sorry Bears. Time to pray with them Saints!

Green Bay Packers (1-0) at Carolina Panthers (0-1)

All right now we got another good game here, with more winners and losers! Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton vs. Packers' QB Aaron Rodgers. Yes, there's a gonna be an air war. What I ain't so sure about is them Carolina kitties' defense. So I say, 'nothin' can be finer than to be in a Carolina' ... 'cept for them Panthers and their fans. Go with them Packers!

Baltimore Ravens (1-0) at Tennessee Titans (0-1)

Ok last week them Ravens picked all the meat off them Steelers' bones. This week it's easy pickings, too. Them Tennessee big boys are gonna lie down for them birdies. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco gets to go wacko all he wants and will hand the keys over to this weeks' short bus driver Titans QB Matt Hasselbeck. Folks, fly with them Ravens.

Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) at Detroit Lions (1-0)

Ok, last week them Chiefs got caught with their pants down. This week they go on over yonder to Detroit whats offense is all revved up. I sure hope them Indians don't forget to bring their defense. I reckon that Lions' QB Matt Stafford is gonna gonna be hotter than a goat's butt on a pepper patch, and don't forget DT Ndamukong Suh! So I say roar with them Lions!

Cleveland Browns (0-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-1)

Warning! Losers ahead! Time for the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week! That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them Browns and them Colts. What's that you say? Them Colts? That's right. Peyton Manning still got him a pain in the neck, so that's that. Them Browns don't got much of a runnin' game and youngin' QB Colt McCoy ain't done enough to make up for it. Folks, I had to spin me my little pigskin for this game and it pointed to them Browns, what hopefully won't get flushed this week. Ok, so go with them Browns in this sinfully ugly game.

Dallas Cowboys (0-1) at San Francisco 49ers (1-0)

Ok, last week them Cowgirls were so ugly they could've knocked a mess of flies off a wagon of whatnot (translation: what Ron Jaworski said last week). Know what I mean, I think y'all do! Most folks are hopin' that QB Tony Romo will get busy this week and show 49ers' QB Alex Smith how to get'er done. Hey Dolfans! Remember Ted Ginn? Look what that youngin' did last week! 268 combined return yards and two touchdowns. Lord, I'm sure he did his family proud. All I got to say is what Ron Jaworski said last week. Anyway I should go with them Cowboys and Tony Romo but I got a feelin' that this week is a gonna be a repeat of last week. So I say go with the 49ers!

Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) at Denver Broncos (0-1)

All right. This week we got us six of one and half a dozen of the other. I can't tell the difference between these two teams. If them Broncos turn over the ball like they did last week, it's gonna be a long day. All them Dolfans what were callin' for a trade for QB Kyle Orton are lookin' like they is one can short of a six-pack. Meanwhile them Bengals came from behind last week and took home the Pabst Blue Ribbon. This week QB Andy Dalton is lookin' to return from his ills. I think he's gonna given them a 2nd win, even if it kills him. So go with them Bengals!

San Diego Chargers (1-0) at New England Patriots (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners and an air war. Pats QB Tom Brady vs. Chargers' QB Phil Rivers. Folk's if y'all like to see a good runnin' and rushin' game ... this ain't the one, unless cheatin' Bill Belicheck pulls a fast one. At the end of the day only one of them QBs is gonna end up playin' catch up. The team with the most errors loses. I say go with them Patriots in what most folks think is the game of the week!

Houston Texans (1-0) at Miami Dolphins (0-1)

Ok Dolfans, here we go. All I had to say 'bout last week's loss to them Pats I done said in my last post. So this week hope springs anew ... I hope! If our secondary get them a mess of cramps again, I'm gonna pitch me a fit! This here is a must-win game for us. The good news is our top draft pick, RB Daniel Thomas, will play this week, so finally get to see what RB Reggie Bush and him look like in the backfield together. The bad news is that Chargers' RB Arian Foster will be back too this week, and if our defense don't show up again, we're gonna be tuna meat. This one's a nail biter folks! I'm lookin' for QB Chad Henne to step up and show us his performance last week was no fluke. Folks, as much as most folks think I'm wrong, I'm still gonna go with my Fins! Swim with them Dolphins!

Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) at Atlanta Falcons (0-1)

All right, now we got us a bird fight. Eagles QB Michael (woof woof) Vick vs. Falcons QB Matt Ryan. Nothin' to see here folks, just move a long and watch Vick's game highlights on Monday morning. I prognosticate that Vick will go down to his old home and make them Falcons eat crow. Lots of emotion in this game folks, so get ready for the tears. Go with them Eagles!

St. Louis Rams (0-1) at New York Giants (0-1)

Ok, we wrap on Monday night with some losers. Both teams are feelin' poorly after their losses last week. Both teams are lookin' like zombies hankerin' for a hospital bed. Rams QB Sam Bradford has got a chance to make the difference, but I prognosticate that Giants' QB Eli Manning will do the same. This here is another game I had to spin me my little pigskin, and it pointed to them Rams, and I agree. I think them Giants' defense is just too banged up to put up much of a fight. So go with them Rams!

Ok, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell you all what, as far as I can tell none of y'all sent me any money last week from all y'alls winnings. How in the heck am I supposed to stay on that there South Beach Diet if I ain't got no money to eat all that protein like ribs and chicken? This week, y'all can do the right thing and keep me healthy! So don't forget me, especially after I just gave y'all them winnin' picks.  Oh, and tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

Ok. so this here is a starvin' Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: A rose always comes up smellin' like a rose ... unless it fell into a pile of ... what Ron Jaworski said.

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