The Jugmongers' Blog

Elephants And Pigskins

2012-01-29T07:27:00.000-05:00

Howdy Folks & Kin!

On account of this here is a sort of a week-off for us NFL fans, I thought I'd pass along to y'all my thoughts on politics, being that this here is an election year. Lots of folks have written me askin' 'bout what I think 'bout them GOP candidates what are steppin' over each others' cracks tryin' to get in line to get walloped by President Obama come this November.

First of all y'all have to know that I ain't no tea-bagger and I ain't no republican. That's right. I'm a coffee drinker and I aim to stay that way. As of now, I'm plannin' on votin' for Obama on account he ain't gonna take away some of my kin's food stamps, like them republicans are a wantin' to do all the time to give them to their banker friends and Big Business lobbyists what don;t need none in the first place! That there makes me madder than a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Ok, as of today, we got us the followin' sorry bunch of fellers: Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul. Here's what I think 'bout then ne'er do wells.

Rick Santorum: I don't like that Rick Santorum none. It seems to me he's one of them bible-thumpin' corn-flake chewers. In fact, I ain't so sure, and don't go a quotin' me but I got an itchin' that Michelle Bachmann (what got her own campaign wrecked by a corndog) was really him in 'drag'. Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Heck, I looked up that there feller's name on the internet, and what I came up with first on the Google was this: http://spreadingsantorum.com/ Now, I don't know 'bout all y'all but no sir, I don't want me none of that stuff in the oval office!

Another problem I got with that there Rick Santorum is that he walks and talks like one of them bible thumpers. I reckon he ain't got no gumption in tellin' me that I is a heathen and am goin' to hell. Folks, who y'all vote for is your business, but I tell y'all what, I for one ain't gonna vote for no one what's gonna tell me to go to hell! I suggest y'all do the same!

Billy Romney

Mitt Romney: Ok, here we got us a Mormon. I reckon that's all what needs to be said 'bout that! Ok, I'm just joshin' a bit, but for many folsk that there is strike one. He's a rich feller, too, and most likely knows lots a of bankers, so that's strike two!

Strike 3? Well, I tell y'all what folks, I read somewhere what his real name is 'Billy' but he didn't like that name too much, so he asked his kindergarten teacher to call him "Mitt". I wouldn't vote for a candidate what gots issues with his own name! Would you?

Newt Gingrich: I remember this cry-baby from back in them 80s ... or was it them 90s? Y'all remember back when Clinton was the president. This one likes to hoot n' holler and get his feathers all riled up and stuff. I also read that he likes spendin' time in zoos.

Newt Gingrich / Jimmy Johnson

Now the truth is I think he's got him some fancy ideas about this that and whatnot, some of which may not be that bad. All in all though, he don't seem like a 'team' player which is what y'all got to be in Washington, especially if y'all want to get any real work done. It seems to me he's a wantin' to blow his horn a bit too much and in a way what's out of tune with what his party likes to hear.

I tell y'all what else: he reminds me of Jimmy Johnson what ditched our Fins way back when to go fishin'. Is that the kind of man y'all want to lead this country? I think not, and I am unanimous is my decision.

Mostly, I reckon he's just a cranky feller, and I wouldn't give my vote to no cranks! So that's all I have to say 'bout that.

Ron Paul

Ron Paul: Here's a dodderin' old feller what's got some good ideas on the fixin' the economical regression. Other than that though, he ain't got a whole lot to say 'bout no nothin. He's one of them 'Libertarians' what think they know what our country's foundin' fathers had in mind when they wrote that there U.S. Constitution.

I don't know, but that there Paul feller is older than Methuselah; maybe he was there in 1776, as I said, I don't know. What I do know is that regular folks don't seem to take a shine to him on account of he reminds them of their grand-pappys. So he's a like a snowball's chance of hell of winnin' the Pabst Blue Ribbon, so givin' him your vote is like throwin' a pumpkin pie down the outhouse hole.

Ok! Enough with politics! Let's talk us some football!

Superbowl Update:

I still think them New England Patriots is a gonna beat them New York Giants into next season. Personally, I'm gonna root for them Giants and Eli Mannin' - but honestly folks, that's like rootin' for that there Ron Paul. Still, if them Giants can knock that there cheatin' Bill Belichick back to hell, that will be fine by me. Just don't bet the farm on it!

Miami Dolphins Update:

I sure am is excited by some of them coachin' fellers what are gettin' hired to lead our Fins to the Super Bowl! I sure am happy we're done with Dallas Cowboys' retreads and 'has beens'. Of course, general mangler Jeff Ireland is still yankin' some outhouse chains some ... but folks if he can land us a franchise QB sooner than yesterday, then I for one will be willing to shake the man's hand and let bygones be bygones. Time to move forward and kick us some butt.

I also know there's lots of defense talk 'bout changin' from the 3-4 to the 4-3 and uh 6 of one, half a dozen of them others. To me, it don't take mean much of hoo-ha what we do as long as our players know how to tackle, cover and strip that ball away from our opponents. This ain't rocket science, folks! It's how the game is one for all them 'elite' teams ... like we was way back when in them glory days.

A Pain In The Neck

As for our hunt for a franchise QB, I think them chips are still on the table. I ain't 100% sure 'bout Green Bay backup Matt Flynn. Of course, it would be great to see Peyton Manning suit as a Dolphin, but I just don't see him bein' the long term answer. Also, I know all about them pain in the necks on account of blowin' my harmonica too hard. I'm sorry to say that them sort of pains are not easily fixed. So what I'm sayin' folks is that I reckon Peyton Manning is a gonna need to hang his cleets up on the retirement line and get him a cushy job as a broadcaster. Sorry, hoss.

Matt Moore? Well, don't get all y'all's long-johns in a twist none, but I think he's someone to develop. I think he came on strong last season and done us all proud - and he did that without really gettin' a good off season under his belt on account of that blasted union lock out. Still, I got a feelin' that he ain't gonna pick up on Joe Philbin's new offense, too well.

Needs to shine in practice

See, in practice and trainin' camps, he never really impressed them coaches enough to land him a startin' position. Maybe he's just more of 'let's get on the field and kick us some butt' type QB what don't like to learn playbooks and such. I don't know. What I do know is that head coach Joe Philbin is gonna make them players use them noggin's more off the field. I just don't think that's gonna sit well with Matt Moore. Now, I ain't sayin' he's one can short of a six-pack when it comes to brains - I'm just sayin' he needs to smarten up off the field and in practice - and show then new coaches what he's the best man for the job. If he ain't gonna compete, well then he oughsta find himself a seat on that there short bus what QB Chad Henne is gonna drive way from Joe Robbie Stadium, of whatever the heck it is it's called these day.

Draft day? Yes sir, lots of folks are surely and already goin' off 'bout them draft picks. I reckon y'all know that unless we trade up some, there's slim pickin's at QB. So don't be surprised none if we end up with another offensive lineman, That's what it is folks.

Well, that's it for me! And now some words of wisdom, especially for them republican condiments: Ain't no one drowns by fallin' in the water. Y'all drown by stayin there!

All the best, - Judd Jugmonger

----------------------------------------------------

Here's some good readin' what I recommend!

Champions And Chumps: NFL Championship Games 2012

2012-01-20T06:16:00.000-05:00

Howdy Folks and Kin,

Well, here we are, a few days away fromthem NFL championship games. I sure was surprised them Green Baycheese-heads didn't fare too well none and had to say fare well inthe end. Then again, they was feelin' poorly and all, and just didn'tbring their best game. That's pretty much all I have to say aboutthat. It's a cryin' shame, but on any given Sunday, that's just theway them 'green cheese' cookies crumble. Meanwhile, here are mythoughts on them upcomin' games and whatnot..

AFC Championship Game:

First we got us them QB Joe Flacco thewacko and his Baltimore Ravens goin' up against them New EnglandPatriots and QB Tom Brady. Heck folks, there ain't no brainerhere,Tom Brady is gonna wallop him some them Baltimore birdies. Andit ain't just Tom Brady them birdies have to worry 'bout, it's thattheir cheatin' coach Bill Belichick. OK, I tell y'all what I don'tlike him none, but I surely do respect his strategizin' and gameplannin'. Heck, y'all have to give him credit for knowing how to ridethem other teams hard and putting them away wet ... even if he is ano count cheater.

Anyway, I'd be surprised if anythingget in them Pat's way this weekend, and if and when they go though tothe big game, I'm gonna root against. Heck, for all y'all what liketo root or bet on them underdogs, which in case would be them Ravens,all I have to say is it's your money to lose.

So that's that. Go with them NewEngland Patriots what will leave them Baltimore Ravens holdin' thewrong end of the eatin' stick.

NFC Championship Game:

Meanwhile, over there in the NFCchampionship game, we got us them New York Giants vs. them SanFrancisco 49ers. It's them Giant's QB Eli Manning vs. them 49er's QBAlex Smith. Sure, both teams got lots of other players and coaches,too, y'all know this here is a gonna be an air war to remember. Atthe end of the day, I say them 49er's are a gonna ride the short bushome from the stadium. The way I see it, them Giants receivers arejust gonna run wild, and them Giants pass rush will have QB AlexSmith on his toes ... and if they catch him, then also maybe with hismouth full of dirt. Folks, I don't need to spin me my little pigskinnone to prognosticate that them Giants will win the Pabst BlueRibbon.

Ok, so that them is my picks for whatteams get to go head to head in the Super Bowl: Them Patriots vs.them Giants. Now y'all know that I ain't much of a gambler, but I know some of y'all are. If y'all win some of that there green, well, don't forget about me, and do the right thing by leavin' yours truly a tip, and I don't mean a stock tip! Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

All right! Now that we got that bit of business over and done with, let get on with it on account of we got us some Fins talk to digest.

Dolphins Thoughts (no bull, no tuna):

Ok, well I guess y'all know thatthere's lots of comin' and goin's among them NFL coaches. Here in Miami, I'm expectin' an announcement any moment on who's a gonna takethe reigns of my Miami Dolphins. It surely ain't gonna be nosuperstar coach walkin' down that there orange carpet as owner SteveRoss promised and couldn't deliver.

But folks and Fin fans, let's behonest, whoever the new coach is, we need to get on the bandwagon,support him, root for the home team, kick ass and ... uh, in general,Go Fins! At this point I'd just like to get those dog and pony showon the road!

Who do I think them Fins managementwill pick? Well, I'd say whoever can land us a franchise QB. Here'smy prognostications for who's goin' to the QB prom and with whom ...this ain't rocket science, folks:

It's Joe Philbin (Green Bay) what willbring us star backup QB Mat Flynn or it's Mike McCoy (Bengals) whatwill bring us Tim Tebow. Personally, I suspect it's gonna be McCoy onaccount I think Steve Ross wants to see himself prancin' down thatthere orange carpet with Tim genuflectin' Tebow.

As for current interim head coach ToddBowles, well I reckon he's gonna take over for Mike Nolan as ourdefensive coordinator - so he don't need to bring no one to the QBprom. I wouldn't be surprised though if some other sorry team, likeOakland, snaps him up as their new head coach. He's a good man and Ithink he'll do a fine job wherever here goes. But I just don't thinkhe' gotta snow ball's chance in hell of gettin' the head coach jobhere.

I ain't gonna say much 'bout ourDolphin's general mangler Jeff Ireland, cept' maybe he oughtsta wipesome of that there whatnot from his nose. That's right, as the sayin'goes, "my cow done up and died last night so I don’t need noneof your bull". time for him to skidaddle on out of here, andthat's a fact. Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Jugmonger News:

Not much to say here folks. Things hereat the Katywonkered Cafe' are still slow on account of the economicregression. I've been workin' on some of the new songs we're gettin'set to put together for the new record. My darlin' Jolene came backfrom a visitin' her folks. Apparently, they got them some new fangledindoor plumbin' now and done dispensed with their double decker outhouse. Yes, theysurely is sittin' in some pretty high cotton way over yonder in GulfBreeze. As Bob Dylan sang, "y'all don't know need a weatherman to tell which the wind is blowin'" up there!

I tell y'all what, I just don't know what this old world iscomin' to. Talk about goin' to hell in a hand-basket ... just likethem Indianapolis Colts. But that there is another story!

All the best,

- Judd

PS: JUGMONGER NEWSFLASH!

Hey, y'all! It's been reported that there cheese-head Joe Philbin will be the new Miami Dolphins' Head Coach! Glory Be! Can I pick'em or what?

New Year Whatnots

2012-01-02T12:29:00.002-05:00

- Not Me -

Howdy folks and kin,

Surprise! I'm back and it looks like I'm back for a new year, so I reckon that there's good! I hope all y'alls holidays were gastronomical. I know mine were on account of my britches are too tight again and I'm back to wearin' my suspenders 'in loo' of my belt ... which seems to have shrunk some. Also, can you spell GERD? I can.

I know I ain't been around much, and thanks to all y'all what sent me some emails sayin' "boy, where the heck you been?" Well, I'll tell you folks, I had to go off and do me some real thinkin' on what's important to me in life and to get me some good ideas on what to do to overcome this here economic repression we've been havin'. To tell you the truth though, after doin' much thinkin' ans scratchin' my noggin' I still ain't got no answer!

Still, as much as I love writin' and talkin' and goin' on 'bout this that and whatnot, the truth is I ain't got a pot a piss in ... and so I had to get me a real job! My food ran out and I was so hungry and I was fartin' cobwebs! That's right!

- Not Me -

The only thing is that good jobs these days are scarcer than hen's teeth! I asked around some over at the Jobline, and I got some lines on some occupational hazards. Of the slim pickin's what were out there, here are some job offers what I turned down:

Short bus driver for them New York Jets: - pretty boy QB Mark Sanchez got the job.
Grand Marshall for the King Orange Jamboree Parade: y'all seen the Orange Bowl lately? I ain't.
Turd wrangler for FPL's Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant: I may be wrong but I just don't think that atomic energy and outhouses mix well.
Porn star: - I didn't mind droppin' my pants none, but them folks wanted me to take my socks off!
Speech writer for Michelle Bachmann: - I'm a coffee drinkin' man, and writin' gaffes ain't my cup of tea. Anyway, I think Sarah Palin's a lot hotter to look at, if y'all ask me, which of course, y'all didn't.

Rebar inspector for that there new Marlin's baseball stadium: - my Spanish ain't so good and I ain't partial to wearin' no blindfolds none.

Truth is there just ain't much call for an NFL prognosticator, songwriter, philosophisor or BBQ taster in these parts. So I ended up havin' to compromise my artistic endeavors and set out on my own, takin' a job as a busker ... incognito, of course. Even my 'sweety deety' Jolene, what went to stay by her folks for a spell, was a wonderin' where I was at ... on account of our snooty neighbor, Wayne King, called her folks complainin' 'bout the smell of our outhouse.

- Not Me -

Now before y'all ask, no, I didn't do no panhandlin' 'Naked Cowboy' deal, especially as my britches ain't much to look at. But I did do me some acoustic chicken pickin' and sang me the blues some. Some threw some pennies and some threw some dimes. One woman threw me her bloomers, but I suspect from their contents, she was just done a usin' them. I doubt it was a commentary on my singin' voice none.

For a spell I even fancied myself a freight train hobo like Woody Guthrie. I went lookin' for the old FEC Princeton train station near West Dixie, before someone was kind enough to tell me they done moved it around some and then tore up them FEC tracks! He was kind enough to give me ride over to A.D. Barnes Park, but I didn't see too much happenin' there neither. Eventually, some Tom Fool Julio came over and asked me if I was a waitin' on 'the Ludlum Trail' or what. I done figured out the rest, myself. Thankfully, the CSX belt-line is a still runnin', though trust me, limestone ain't as comfortable as anything Amtrak has to offer.

- Not Me -

Anyway, buskin' surely was a humblin' experience. It was one what gave me some new stories to tell and some new ideas for songs to write. So, y'all hang onto your wig hats on account of there's gonna be some new Jugmonger's music comin' down the musical pipeline this year ... just as soon as I can get my harmonicas out of hock.

Ok, my goals for the New Year? Well, I reckon I'd like to get back to doin' some song writin' and performin' with my Hootenanny band. My musical output last year was sorrier than a two-dollar watch. But I did I find out that our band actually made us some money this past year over at CDBaby, so I do want to thank all y'all what bought our album! Thank you kindly and then some!

As for this here blog and writin', well I'm gonna keep it goin' for a spell. I reckon there'll be lots to talk 'bout what with it bein' a political year and whatnot. I also suspect I'll write some more 'bout football and especially them Fins and their hunt for a new coach and franchise quarterback. And, as I wrote above, I think I'm gonna share some stories with y'all about my adventures on the road from time to time.

By the way, some jokers are goin' off half-coked sayin' this year is a gonna be apocalyptic and whatnot. Pay them no mind. In fact, y'all can tell them folks bible thumpin' 'end time' chantin' yahoos that Judd Jugmonger (that there's me) says them ideas are just foolishness. They can 'tell it to Sweeney' til' the cows come home, for all I care ... I hope.

As for NFL prognosticatin', well, I think I'm gonna hang up that part of my life. That is unless CBS comes a courtin' on account of Bill Cowher comin' down from that high cotton he's a sittin' in just to coach them Dolphins. It was fun and I really liked doin' that there podcast way back when. But it was a lot of work and the truth is that if there ain't no cash at the end of the train tunnel, well then I reckon I need to put my talents and time to better use. Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

My friend and song writin' partner, Jay Schwartz, told me I ought to think 'bout gettin' my 'business interests' in order and stop worryin' 'bout websites and SEO and stuff. "Judd, you have to just focus on the creative side and stop thinking about who's paying attention, or trying to get attention" he done told me. I think he makes a lot sense, especially on account of Google Adsense done blown him off, too!

Judd Jugmonger Was Here

Yes sir, folks, if y'all want to read some really good writin' I suggest y'all check out Jay's Wooly Yarn blog where he does his exfoliatin'. He's got him a goodly way with words, some of them I don't even understand myself, but then that never stopped me from readin' ... or writin'.

Ok, that's it for me. If I got anything interestin' to say 'bout anything, y'all can read it here, so take a gander every now and then. In the meantime, here's some words of wisdom to keep y'all til' next time: "A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

Wishing y'all a Happy New Year and steady weather!

- Judd

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 3

2011-09-25T07:02:00.001-04:00

Howdy Folks and Kin,

It's week 3 of the NFL regular season, and I'm here at the KatywonkeredCafe' writin' up my picks for y'all to win y'all some dough so thaty'all can do right by me. That's right! What comes around oughsta goaround, too. Just like them them chickens and then eggs, orsomethin'. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Ok, so let's get'er done! Here is my picks:

JacksonvilleJaguars (1-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-2)

I tell y'all what there here is a cat fight! Them Jaguars are gonnastart youngin' QB Blaine Garret who is a hopin' not go through whatthat there Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton is a goin' through. Camis workin' harder than a peg leg in an ass-kickin' contest, but he'sstill endin' up with the short end of the stick in terms of winnin'.I prognosticate that this here be the week what he gets to beat upsome on them kitties from Jacksonville. So go with them Panthers fortheir first week of the season, and watch the fur fly!

DetroitLions (2-0) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2)

Ok,this here is an easy game to call. Them Detroit kitties are on aroll, and I don't mean the dinner roll. But if they was to eat adinner roll it would be like a Vikings and baloney sandwich. Thereain't much good to say right now 'bout Vikings' QB Donovan NcNabb'cept that he ain't playin' for the Miami Dolphins. I prognosticatethat here will be another week what he gets to drive the short bushome from the stadium. So, growl with them Lions!

SanFrancisco 49ers (1-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1)

Ok,this here is a hard game to pick on account of both teams got themsome youngin' Qbs what are playin' well. I had to spin me my littlepigskin some and it pointed to them Bengals, and I agree. Heck, y'allmight as well give the edge to the home team this week. I tell y'allwhat though, I sure like that there Bengals QB Andy Dalton. He sureplays with lots of spirit. So I say growl with them Bengals!

MiamiDolphins (0-2) at Cleveland Browns (1-1)

Allright, it's a cryin' shame what my Miami Dolphins are 0 and 2 comin'into this here game. It's a bigger cryin' shame that this gamealmost qualifies for the stinker bowl! That's right! The pressure ison for Dolphin's QB Chadd Henne and youngin' RB Daniel Thomas to goall smash mouth against' them Browns. That there Thomas was a breathof fresh air last week in his 100-yard plus debut, especially afterour defense left a sour smell on the field once again last week.Meanwhile, them Browns do got them a decent defense, and a youngin'QB Colt McCoy what got him a fancy name … but that's about it. So Isay go with them Dolphins! Come on boys, if y'all don't bring home avictory this week it's gonna get ugly. How ugly? Ugly enough to makea freight train take a dirt road!

NewEngland Patriots (2-0) at Buffalo Bills (2-0)

Ok,now we got us an interestin' game. Them Bills ar flyin' high after a2 and 0 start! This week y'all are gonna see what happens whenPatriots' QB Tom Brady tries to make road kill out of them Bills. Itell y'all what, call me crazy but I think this here is a gonna be anupset as I prognosticate that QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and them Billstell Pats' coach Bill 'cheatin' Belichek' “Sorry, hoss! We don'tneed no your bull!” So go with them Bills!

NewYork Giants (1-1) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-1)

Ok,last week Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof ' Vick ate him some dirt andtook a trip to lala land. If he's ready and rarin' to go at gametime, then this game in his hands. I just don't see them Giants doin' anything more than prayin' real hard that Vick stays on thesideline. So go with them Eagles! (woof woof).

DenverBroncos (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1)

Heck,y'all have to wonder what's goin' on with Broncos' RB Chris Johnson?Where is that boy at? 77 yards? What the heck is that? Them Titans'QB Matt Hasselbeck surely ain't no second comin' of Brett “geritol' Favre but he did manage to throw for 358 yards last week against them Ravens. On the other hand, Denver QB Kyle 'I ain't gonna playfor them Dolphins' Orton did manage to pull out a win last weekagainst them Bengals. All in all, I have to go with them big boys inthis one. Until them Broncos can get their runnin' game goin' it'sgonna be a hit and miss. If Orton drop the load this week, y'all aregonna hear shouts for Tim Tebow again! Go with them Titans!

HoustonTexans (2-0) at New Orleans Saints (1-1)

Houstoncoach Wade Phillips is on a roll with his new team so far. Looks likethe road is a gonna get bumpy this week though. Saint's QB Drew 'callhim the breeze' Brees at home? Shucks, this game is a no brainer! Gowith them Saints!

NewYork Jets (2-0) at Oakland Raiders (1-1)

Ok,I think there's lots of folks what are sayin' that them Raiders are agonna win on account they dropped their games and their pants to themBills last week. Only problem is their defense, especially againstthe run this year, are the ones still holdin' their bloomers drawersdown around their ankles. I prognosticate that Jet's QB Mark 'smilepretty' Sanchez will get the deed done this week, without too mucheffort. Go with them Jets, folks!

BaltimoreRavens (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (0-2)

Itseems to me them Rams are lookin' worse than a hound what puked andate it. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko is gonna give them a 2^ndhelpin' this week. Fly with them Ravens, on account of them Rams justsuck, and that there is all there is to say 'bout that!

KansasCity Chiefs (0-2) at San Diego Chargers (1-1)

Warning!Losers ahead! That's right it's time for this week's editions of thewind breakin' Stinker Bowl! When you are sad and lonely and gots noplace to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on yournose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' theirbanners low is them Chiefs and them Chargers. Here's all y'all needto know folks: San Diego QB Phil Rivers: 4 touchdowns, 4interceptions and 713 yards. Chiefs QB Mat Cassel got him 1touchdown, 4 interceptions and 252 yards. For them Chiefs it getsuglier too on account of they had to out down Pro Bowl RB JamaalCharles. Folks, that's all she wrote in this stinker. It don't take arocket scientist to know y'all need to go with them Chargers!

AtlantaFalcons (1-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)

Folks,I tell y'all what, I'm havin' a hard time pickin' this here game onaccount of I don't see too much difference between these two teams.Them Buccaneers are a sentimental favorite of mine, especially onaccount of them sexy cheerleaders what they all got over there whatmake me feel all randy and whatnot. On paper though I reckon themAtlanta birdies are a better team. Still, I'm gonna go with themBuccaneers since they're playin' at home and all. So I prognosticatesome yo-ho-ho for them Buccaneers!

ArizonaCardinals (1-1) at Seahawks (0-2)

Folks,I tell y'all what, this here game is like the next best thing to theStinker Bowl. In fact, I'd say that if it weren't for Cardinals QBKevin Kolb, this game would be the Stinker Bowl of the week. I reckonhe'll give us somethin' to watch for at least half the game andhopefuly he'll do enough to overcome his defense what is lookin'sorrier than a horse steppn' into the glue factory. As for themSeahawks, the only thign they got goin' for them is that themCardinal's defense is one can short of six pack. So I say fly withthem Cardinals in this stinker!

GreenBay Packers (2-0) at Chicago Bears (1-1)

Ok,it's blow out time, folks! Don't confuse Packers QB Aaron Rodgers forBears QB Jay 'six sacks' Cutler. Neither team has shown much arunnin' game, so this game will come down to the better arm whatRodgers got. So go with them Packers what will send them bear-cubs packin', and cryin' for their mommas.

PittsburghSteelers (1-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-2)

Heck,it looks like them Colts is the team what everyone is lookin' to beatup on on account of QB Peyton Manning is still feelin' poorly, andthem Steelers are no different. Steelers' QB Ben Roethlisberger isgonna put on a good show and is a gonna end up happier than a fattick on skinny dog … or horse in this case. Go with them Steelers!

WashingtonRedskins (2-0) at Dallas Cowboys (1-1)

Ok,it's Monday night football and it's cowboys and indians. Folks, thishere is gonna be a good game! We got us Dallas QB Tony Romo andWashington QB Rex Grossman. Now Tony Romo might be feelin' poorly,and if them Redskins' offensive line can protect Grossman from 'sackking' DeMarcus Ware then they got them a chance of pullin' this oneout. So I tell y'all what, I'm gonna give the edge to them Redskins,but only if Tony Romo ain't playin' with busted ribs.

Okfolks, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell youwhat, October is just around the bed. Y'all know what that means? Itmeans it's time to start puttin' some presents and whatnot on'layaway' for them holidays. That's right! So it's time to dig deepinto all those winnings y'all are gonna get from them picks what Ijust gave y'all, and do right by me! And don't forget, tell all yourfriends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! Heck atleast y'all can pick up one of our 'Jugmongers Candy Corn T-Shirts'.The come in lots of colors and will surely make an impression at anyHalloween Hootenanny, y'all are fixin' to go to.

Allright, so this here os Judd Jugmonger signin' off from theKatywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: Folks, It ain't never nosin to get BBQ sauce on your chin!

-----------------

Hey! Here's Some Kindle Reading For Y'all!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 2

2011-09-17T08:40:00.001-04:00

HowdyFolks and Kin,

Igot me my prognostications for week 2 of them NFL games. That meansI got all the picks what y'all will need to win y'all some baby backribs, and to send me some, too! This week some teams are winners andsome are losers. For all y'all losers I got some good news: this week for a limited time only (that's what they say over at the PigglyWiggly) y'all have the chance to even it up! Some of them teams will takethat chance, and others, well they just is a gonna end smellin' like... what Ron Jaworski said last week.

Ok,so here we go with my picks!

SeattleSeahawks (0-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)

Okfirst up we got us a pair of losers. I reckon that them Steelers QBBig Ben Roethlisberger is gonna bounce back big time, while themgrungy seagulls are still tryin' to fnd their special teams andoffense after them 49ers did a number on them last week. I hope themSeahawks keep them feathers numbers for just such occasions. So I say gowith them Steelers!

OaklandRaiders (1-0) at Buffalo Bills (1-0)

Allright, now we got us them two winners. Now normally I wouldn't saytoo much 'bout these teams, especially them Bills. Them Bills' QB RyanFitzpatrick was hotter than a two dollar pistol last week. If hisfront line can hold up against them Raiderin' one eyes, well then themBills have a good chance at winnin' two in a row, and they is athome! So I say go with them Bills, for this week at least.

ArizonaCardinals (1-0) at Washington Redskins (1-0)

Ok,now we got us some winners. Looks like them red birds need to take alesson from them Seahawks and keep their feathers numbered too, on account of they are gonna get their feathers more than ruffled byWashington QB Rex Grossman. He's gonna try to do his best Cam Newtonimpression this week. Go with them Redskins!

TampaBay Buccaneers (0-1) at Minnesota Vikings (0-1)

Allright we got us some losers and I tell y'all what, this game could beuglier than a shaved poodle wearin' a zoot suit. Vikings' QB Donovan'39-yards' McNab is sort of playin' like a stuck hog. I'd like tothink this was a one-off cow pie he stepped in ... but I think he'sgonna get his other foot in the mess this week, too. So I say there'sgonna be some yo ho ho this week in Tampa Bay, Go with themBuccaneers!

JacksonvilleJaguars (1-0) at New York Jets (1-0)

Ok,now we got us some winners, at least until Sunday. Them metalbirdies sure got lucky last week, and most folks know it. This week theyand QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez is a gonna want to take things ontheir on their own terms to show the world what they is really madeof. Can you spell defense? Them Jacksonville kitties are gonna gorunnin' for the litter box. Fly with them Jets!

ChicagoBears (1-0) at New Orleans Saints (0-1)

Okthis here is a gonna be a good game. it's Bears' QB Jay Cutler vs.Saints' QB Drew 'call him the Breeze' Brees. As far as I know, itdon't take no rocket scientist to know which way the pigskin is gonnaroll on this one. Looks like last week's losers are this wee'skwinners, and vice versa. Sorry Bears. Time to pray with them Saints!

GreenBay Packers (1-0) at Carolina Panthers (0-1)

Allright now we got another good game here, with more winners andlosers! Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton vs. Packers' QB AaronRodgers. Yes, there's a gonna be an air war. What I ain't so sureabout is them Carolina kitties' defense. So I say, 'nothin' can befiner than to be in a Carolina' ... 'cept for them Panthers and theirfans. Go with them Packers!

BaltimoreRavens (1-0) at Tennessee Titans (0-1)

Oklast week them Ravens picked all the meat off them Steelers' bones.This week it's easy pickings, too. Them Tennessee big boys are gonnalie down for them birdies. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco gets to go wacko all he wants and will hand the keys over to this weeks' short bus driverTitans QB Matt Hasselbeck. Folks, fly with them Ravens.

KansasCity Chiefs (0-1) at Detroit Lions (1-0)

Ok,last week them Chiefs got caught with their pants down. This weekthey go on over yonder to Detroit whats offense is all revved up. I surehope them Indians don't forget to bring their defense. I reckon thatLions' QB Matt Stafford is gonna gonna be hotter than a goat's button a pepper patch, and don't forget DT Ndamukong Suh! So I say roarwith them Lions!

ClevelandBrowns (0-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-1)

Warning!Losers ahead! Time for the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week!That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place togo, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Causeit's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low isthem Browns and them Colts. What's that you say? Them Colts? That'sright. Peyton Manning still got him a pain in the neck, so that'sthat. Them Browns don't got much of a runnin' game and youngin' QBColt McCoy ain't done enough to make up for it. Folks, I had to spin me my little pigskin for this game and it pointed to them Browns, whathopefully won't get flushed this week. Ok, so go with them Browns inthis sinfully ugly game.

DallasCowboys (0-1) at San Francisco 49ers (1-0)

Ok,last week them Cowgirls were so ugly they could've knocked a mess offlies off a wagon of whatnot (translation: what Ron Jaworski saidlast week). Know what I mean, I think y'all do! Most folks are hopin'that QB Tony Romo will get busy this week and show 49ers' QB AlexSmith how to get'er done. Hey Dolfans! Remember Ted Ginn? Look whatthat youngin' did last week! 268 combined return yards and twotouchdowns. Lord, I'm sure he did his family proud. All I got to sayis what Ron Jaworski said last week. Anyway I should go with themCowboys and Tony Romo but I got a feelin' that this week is a gonnabe a repeat of last week. So I say go with the 49ers!

CincinnatiBengals (1-0) at Denver Broncos (0-1)

Allright. This week we got us six of one and half a dozen of the other.I can't tell the difference between these two teams. If them Broncosturn over the ball like they did last week, it's gonna be a long day.All them Dolfans what were callin' for a trade for QB Kyle Orton arelookin' like they is one can short of a six-pack. Meanwhile themBengals came from behind last week and took home the Pabst BlueRibbon. This week QB Andy Dalton is lookin' to return from his ills.I think he's gonna given them a 2nd win, even if it kills him. So gowith them Bengals!

SanDiego Chargers (1-0) at New England Patriots (1-0)

Ok,now we got us some winners and an air war. Pats QB Tom Brady vs.Chargers' QB Phil Rivers. Folk's if y'all like to see a good runnin'and rushin' game ... this ain't the one, unless cheatin' Bill Belicheckpulls a fast one. At the end of the day only one of them QBs is gonnaend up playin' catch up. The team with the most errors loses. I saygo with them Patriots in what most folks think is the game of theweek!

HoustonTexans (1-0) at Miami Dolphins (0-1)

OkDolfans, here we go. All I had to say 'bout last week's loss to themPats I done said in my last post. So this week hope springs anew ... Ihope! If our secondary get them a mess of cramps again, I'm gonnapitch me a fit! This here is a must-win game for us. The good news is our top draft pick, RB Daniel Thomas, will play this week, so finallyget to see what RB Reggie Bush and him look like in the backfieldtogether. The bad news is that Chargers' RB Arian Foster will beback too this week, and if our defense don't show up again, we'regonna be tuna meat. This one's a nail biter folks! I'm lookin' for QBChad Henne to step up and show us his performance last week was nofluke. Folks, as much as most folks think I'm wrong, I'm still gonna gowith my Fins! Swim with them Dolphins!

PhiladelphiaEagles (1-0) at Atlanta Falcons (0-1)

Allright, now we got us a bird fight. Eagles QB Michael (woof woof) Vickvs. Falcons QB Matt Ryan. Nothin' to see here folks, just move a longand watch Vick's game highlights on Monday morning. I prognosticatethat Vick will go down to his old home and make them Falcons eat crow.Lots of emotion in this game folks, so get ready for the tears. Gowith them Eagles!

St.Louis Rams (0-1) at New York Giants (0-1)

Ok,we wrap on Monday night with some losers. Both teams are feelin'poorly after their losses last week. Both teams are lookin' likezombies hankerin' for a hospital bed. Rams QB Sam Bradford has got achance to make the difference, but I prognosticate that Giants' QB EliManning will do the same. This here is another game I had to spin memy little pigskin, and it pointed to them Rams, and I agree. I thinkthem Giants' defense is just too banged up to put up much of a fight.So go with them Rams!

Ok,that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell you all what, asfar as I can tell none of y'all sent me any money last week from all y'alls winnings. How in the heck am I supposed to stay on that thereSouth Beach Diet if I ain't got no money to eat all that protein likeribs and chicken? This week, y'all can do the right thing and keep mehealthy! Sodon't forget me, especially after I just gave y'all them winnin'picks. Oh, and tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

Ok. so this here is a starvin' Judd Jugmonger signin' off fromthe Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: A rose always comesup smellin' like a rose ... unless it fell into a pile of ... what RonJaworski said.

----------------------------------

Kindle Football Reading For All Y'all!

Cramps And Bubbles

2011-09-13T13:41:00.003-04:00

HowdyFolks and Kin,

Itell y'all what, they say that every dark cloud has a silver linin'.If you ask me, I say that every silver linin' has a dark cloud. Knowwhat I mean? I think y'all do! Last night our MIami Dolphins startedthe regular season by losin' to them England Patroits. I feel worsethan a hound dog what puked and then ate it.

Iwas hopin' for a much better showin' by our team, and I especiallyhad an eye out for 'Check Down' Hangin' Chad The Robot Henne. Now,I'll be the first to admit that we fans have been mighty hard on thatyougin', but done brought the outhouse done on him by givin' away'pick sixes' to opposin' teams and other such what not. Thankfully, Ithink Chad has got his nuts and bolts and Ps and Qs on straight sofar this year. Last night I think he did the best could, and I'll bethe first to admit he done this team proud. As long as he keepsrippin' off 20 yards checks and keeps throwin' the ball on target andwithout thinkin' 'bout it, then that's better than snuff and ain'thalf as dusty.

Onthe other hand, them defensive boys were lookin uglier than a wart ona toad's butt. In fact, I heard our corner backs, Davis and Smith,got cramps! Cramps?!! There ain't no cramps in professional football!And wheres in tarnation where our safeties?

Ifyou ask me, it's time to pop that practice field bubble! Our hometeam advantage was always the blazin' sum and humidity. I remember inthe glory days, when some of them Northern teams would get sotuckered out they looked liked a droopy pair of drawers on a skinnyhound dog. I remember the day them Yankees were just passin' out fromour climatical conditions. Today, it's us what is waddlin' aroundwith exhaustion, and to boot our team is askin' the NFL to get awayfrom 1:00pm kickoffs! It's a cryin' a shame! Where did all the 'realfootball players' go? Might as well forget pads and jsut wear some ofthem Armani suits to practice! Time to BURST THAT BUBBLE and get ussome wins!

Bythe way, can somone tell me where in the heck did our runnin' gamego? I was happy we resigned that there big feller Larry Johnson, butall I saw was Reggie Bush gettin' runnin' into lot's of folksbehinds. We need some us balance on offense, and we need it quick ... otherwise we might as well start handin' out some Butt Paste to some of our players!

Asfor them Tom 'cheatin' Belichick and them Patriot, well, it don'ttake no rocket scientist to know that cream always rises to the top.Still, our defense looked like they fell out of the ugly tree and hitevery branch on the way down. Talk about bein' one can short of asix-pack!

Ohyeah, I also want to mention somethin' 'bout all the, holier thanthou types are as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o'rocking chairs on account of former QB turned announcer Ron 'Jaws'Jaworski said 'shit' on TV. Folks, if we can say 'scat' back, we cancertianly say 'shit'. Tell them censors they don't know jack shit'bout shit if they be so worried 'bout that sort of shit. Now what Imean? I think y'all do!

NowI know it's only the 1st week, and well let's be honest we did playagainst Tom Brady what just never gets his feathers ruffled. Lordknows he's tougher than a one eared alley cat in heat. I hope ChadHenne was watchin' on accout of he can a thing or two ... eventhoughhe did right by me last night.

Betterluck next week boys! Anyways as always, Go Fins!

Links:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451b26169e2014e8b845341970d
http://miamiherald.typepad.com/dolphins_in_depth/2011/09/patriots-put-cramp-in-the-dolphins-home-weather-advantage.html

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-tony-sparano-transcript-20110912,0,5209698.story

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 1

2011-09-11T07:48:00.001-04:00

WellHowdy Folks and Kin!

Thishere is Judd Jugmonger and rarin' to go with my picks for them NFLregular season games! I hope all y'all's teams do well this hereyear, but as them immortal folks say, what keep losin' their headsand what not, in the end there can only be one! So who's it a gonnabe? I like to think it's my Miami Dolphins, the greatest footballteam, but I ain't so sure. I'll talk about that later on account ofthey play Monday night.

Asusual, I'm sittin' here live at the Katywonkered Cafe', what's likethe Starbucks in these here parts, 'cept they ain't got noFrappuccino or Mococciino or any other sorts of 'chino' what ain'tspelled right. But cousins Justin and Janey what own the KatywonkeredCafe' make a mean iced coffee and they don't mind if I l spike itsome with some Baileys. Also, they got them some wireless internetand got lots of beef jerky layin' around to chew on. So that sitsmight fine with me!

Ok,let's get on with them picks on account of it's been a long offseason what we weren't even sure there would be no football season atall on account of them greedy team owners! Anyway, here we go!

New Orleans Saintsat Green Bay Packers

Firstup we got us them holy boys from New Orleans vs. them defendin' SuperBowl champions from Green Bay. It's an air war folks what featuresquarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Drew 'call him the breeze' Brees. Atthe then end day this here comes down to whose got more tools in theshed, and as far as I suspect, its a gonna be them Green Bay boys. Sogo with them Packers! I did. Heck, I ain't started off too bad thisyear!

Pittsburgh Steelersat Baltimore Ravens

Ok,next up got us them Pittsburgh metal heads vs. them Baltimore birdieswhat say 'nevermore'. This here is a gonna be a good game! Now, themSteelers surely did a number against the run last year, in fact theywas number 1. But that don't matter none on account of this game is agonna come down to Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko. I tell y'all whathe's a gonna try to make up fer the fact that he ain't done muchwhackin' last years, and he sure is gonna try to stand up to SteelersQB Ben Roethlisberger who's gonna be as busy as a cat coverin' hiscrap on marble floor tryin' to figure what to do with the ball. I maybe wrong, but I say go with them Ravens!

Atlanta Falconsat Chicago Bears

Allright, next up we got us them birdies from Atlanta what go over toChicago to play them Bears. Folks, if y'all like smash-mouth footballwith lots of runnin' and lots of run stoppin' this here is one gamefor you. I reckon them Falcons have put their money where their mouthis buy shorin' up their run defense. Meanwhile, I just don't see themBears have done much to improve their defense and are just a countin'on QB Jay Cutler to get the job done. Sorry folks, but the only thingI Cutler doin' is drivin' the short bus home form the stadium thisweek! I don't care much for them 'Care Bears' so I say roll with themFalcons!

Bengalsat Browns

Ok,next up we got us a hoe-down show-down in Ohio. It's them kittiesfrom Cincinnati vs. them Cleveland Browns. We got us Bengal's QB AndyDalton startin' his first NFL game! Most folks hopin' for him to winthis game are probably rootin' for 'Hail Mary' of sorts. As for me, Isay go with Browns' QB Colt McCoy what's got a him a way better nameand what's also got him a leg up on Dalton by one year … and Ireckon he knows what to do with that leg up. Know what I mean ? Ithink y'all do. So I say go with them Browns … and let the 'rain'fall!

Indianapolis Coltsat Houston Texans

Ok,next up we got us them horses from Indianapolis vs, them long tallTexans from Houston. Colt's QB Peyton Manning is still feelin'poorly, so them Colts are waddlin' around like chicken with his headcut off. It don't matter none whether it's Kerry Collins or JohnKerry or even Kerry Marie what's gonna step up to the plate. It jutain't gonna happen folks. Meanwhile, Texans QB Matt Schaub is agonna show 'em how its done and get'er done. So go with them Texans,what I suspect might have break out year.

Tennessee Titansat Jacksonville Jaguars

Allright, that brings to us the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week!That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place togo, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Causeit's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low isthem big good ole' boys from Tennessee and them kitties fromJacksonville, way up there in the North. Folks, this here is anothergame what's gonna leave people scratchin' their heads tryin' tofigure out where the QB is. If y'all remember 'WoodStrock' in Miamiway back when, then y'all know the tune. Let's see, for them Jaguarswe got us Luke McCown, Blaine Gabbert and startin' QB David Garrard... no, hold on, Garrard is road kill now as of this week. If you askme, coach Jack Del Rio is actin' like Vanessa Del Rio for kickin'Garrard's butt off the team a few days before the regular seasonkicks off. Meanwhile over there in Tennessee they still got them MattHasselbeck and Chris Johnson. Ok, Chris Johnson ain't a QB, but thatdon't make a hoo-ha none. He's all what's gonna count in this heregame. I think them Jaguars will pick up steam later in the season,but out of the gate they won't know a rabbit from a hotdog. So I saysgo with them Titans!

Buffalo Billsat Kansas City Chiefs

Ok,next up we got us the herd from Buffalo vs. them Indians from KansasCity. QB Matt Cassel is feelin' poorly, but he's a gonna play anyway.And, he's also got RB Jamaal Charles to give him a hand off to. Asfor them Bills, well Ryan Fitzpatrick is a gonna … well, I reckonhe's gonna try and … uh … oh shoot, folks. Go with them Chiefs.It ain't gonna be no barn burner, but I reckon them Chiefs are gonnaget enough camp fire goin' to toast them some Buffalo marshmallowbutt. Go with them Chiefs!

Philadelphia Eaglesat St. Louis Rams

Allright, next up we got us them birdies from Philadelphia vs. QB SamBradford and his herd from St. Louis. I'll be honest folks, Istill can't pronounce Coach 'Spagnoula' without trippin' on the wordspatula. But I think he's done enough to get his team to stop fromtrippin' around like what they did some years ago. Only problem ishe's comin' up against Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof' Vick, what washotter than a beer boiled hot dog last year (woof woof). Also, themEagles secondary ain't gonna allow Bradford much room to go deep. Ithink this here is a gonna be a good game, but at the end day I thinkthem birdies will fly high and Micheal Vick will take him some potshots at them Rams. Fly with them Eagles! (woof woof).

Detroit Lionsat Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ok,next up we got us them kitties from Detroit vs. them swashbucklersfrom Tampa Bay. It's hard to pick this game when my eyes keepswanderin' over them Buccaneers cheerleaders. Only names that comes tomind is Detroit's DT Ndamukong Suh and QB Matt Stafford, and maybethat's all what needs to be said about this here game. So I reckonthere ain't gonna be much 'yo ho ho' in Tampa Bay this week. Roarwith them Lions!

Carolina Panthersat Arizona Cardinals

Allright, now we got us them kitties from Carolina vs. them birdies fromArizona. Ok, them Panthers are gonna start youngin' QB Cam Newtonwhat's is as green as goober what ain't been boiled yet. The Cardinalhave traded up for QB Kevin Kolb. I tell you what folks, I had tospin me my little pigskin what ended up up pointin' to them redbirdies, and I agree. I reckon that youngin' Newton is gonna show usmore than a fig newton or Newton's apple … but only down the road! Go with them Cardinals.

Minnesota Vikingsat San Diego Chargers

Ok,next up we got them hard hats from Minnesota vs. them bolts from SanDiego. I reckon McNabb is a hopin' he's a gonna nab him this gamewith the help of RB Adrian Peterson. Only thing is that thereMinnesota defense has gotten lots of bad press. Most folks think themChargers are gonna start hot this year … but I just don't buy intoit none. I think them Vikings are gonna surprise some this week bydroppin' Thor's hammer on them Chargers. So I say go with themVikings, who are hankerin' for some respect.

Seattle Seahawksat San Francisco 49ers

Allright, next we got us the, birdies from Seattle vs. the numbers fromSan Francisco. Folks this game is like settin' your watersmoker onmedium heat. It's Seahawk's QB Tarvaris Jackson vs. 49er's QB AlexSmith. I says who cares. If new 49ers' new coach Jim Harbaugh canlight a fire under Smith's butt, they got them a chance. So I say gowith them 49ers …. just because. Lord know there ain't no sense tosomething sometimes.

New York Giantsat Washington Redskins

Ok,next up we got us them big boys from New York vs. them indians fromWashington. This here is another hard game to pick on account of Idon't think neither has got them a real battle plan for the year.Them Redskins are startin' QB Rex Grosmman (who?) and them Giant'sare startin' QB Eli Manning (yes I know). Them Giants' defense gotthemselves pretty beat up on defense in the last few weeks, but stillif y'all don't think young Eli can outplay the competition then y'allare one can short of a six-pack, and that's the truth. Go with themGiants!

Dallas Cowboysat New York Jets

Allright, net up we got us them cowpokes from Dallas vs. themsuper-sonics from New York. OK, it's Dallas QB Tony Romo vs. Jets' QBMark 'smile pretty' Sanchez. The short end on the eatin' stick saysthat Romo is a gonna eat some dirt this week on account of theCowboys offensive line full of youngin's. Sanchez will take theopportunity and make use of Plaxico 'I done shot me in the foot'Burress who lookin' to show the world he's next Michael Vick (woofwoof). So I says fly with them Jets!

New England Patriotsat Miami Dolphins

It'sMonday night football and we got us them Cheatin' Bill Belichick'sNew England Patriots vs. my Miami Dolphins. I reckon' most folksthink this here game is a no-brainer on account of Tom Brady and WesWalker are comin' to town. But I tell y'all what they sure is gonnasurprised by my Fins what are gonna show the world a brand newoffense. Of course, we still got us QB 'check down' Chad Henne what'sbeen doin' better these days, though I hope he 'don't drop the otherfoot' with some gosh darn giveway pick-sixes. Iprognosticate that there's gonna be an upset and lots of folks aregonna be real upset. So go with them Dolphins!

Oakland Raidersat Denver Broncos

Ok,next up we got us them one-eyes from Oakland vs. them horses fromDenver. Both them teams ain't hardly taken the shrink wrap of theirnew coaches. This game is a snoozer, and not just because it's on solate in the night! The bottom line is them Broncos' defense will makethe difference in the end. In the pre-season, them Raiders lookedmore like browsers, if y'all ask me. So go with them Broncos! Hey!Where's Tim Tebow?

Allright! That's it's for me folks. That there is my picks! Now, I telly'all what I ain't gonna do a podcast this year on account of thembankers and revenuers done sent a repo man after my studio equipment!But if any of y'all nice folks want send me some 3-digit donations,or can help get me some sponsored ads, well then I'll see what I can do and I would be might obliged.So far satellite radio ain't come a callin', so for now that's all Ihave to say about that. Look for the donation link over yonder in the right. Start off the regular season off right by not forgettin' me when y'all rake in that dough what with them picks what I just gave y'all! And tell all your friends and kin to do the same!

Ok.so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the KatywonkeredCafe' with some words a wisdom: if y'all want to be sittin' prettyhigh in the cotton, like Denver QB Kyle Orton what snubbed them Finsin an almost trade this summer, y'all gots to rise above themthorns!

-----------------

Kindle Reading For Y'all!

Pigskin And Fish Fiesta: Preseason Dolphins Report

2011-08-04T05:42:00.001-04:00

Howdy Folks And Kin!

Well Hallelujah! NFL football is back, and so am I! That's right, I'm rarin' to go with my picks fer the regular season, which y'all can read about right here weekly on this. Meanwhile, until the regular season of up and runnin' I'm gonna be nice enough to give y'all some Miami Dolphins updates because that's what gets my 'ya-yas' goin'!

Ok, it's been a long off season, what with the NFL lockout and all, and I'll be honest with y'all there were times when I wasn't so sure there was gonna be any gridiron play at all! But bless my pigskin and butter my biscuit, if we don't we got us a season starin' us in the face, and even some pre-season games to boot! So I'm happier than a skinny tick on a fat hound these days!

Now as most of y'all know, I am a lifelong Dolfan, goin' way back to even before that thar Perfect Season, glory be! It's been a long long Superbowl-less drought for us fans what want to see our Fins winnin' the big game and that thar Pabst Blue Ribbon, to boot! Each season, we put our hopes up on high, but by the end of the season, them hopes are doin' the Baton Death March. But, here we go again, gluttons fer punishment I think, and what sours my mash is that we still ain't got us no 'franchise' quarterback!

Now over the last week, there's been lots of 'this n' that' goin' round 'bout our quarterback situation … again. There was lots of talk over the lockout 'bout us signin' folks like Vince Young, Carson Palmer, Kyle Orton, or even Marc Bulger. Heck, I even heard some folks down at the Katy Wonkered Cafe' sayin' we should gt us Brett "Geritol" Favre!

Chad Henne

Now even a one-eyed newt can see that them Fins, and this includes yours truly, don't want no part of no QB Chad Henne. Nevertheless, here we are once again for the second year in a row starting the pre-season with Henne (not Penny) penciled in as the starter on top of the depth roster. We also keep hearin' owner Stephen 'Orange Carpet' Ross talkin' 'bout how much confidence he has in Chad, and how much respect he's got for general mangler Jeff Ireland, what can't play QB neither.

For a few days, it seemed liked we was a gonna git Orton, but as of now that ain't a done deal. It seems like some folks in them Fin's organization just can't get'er done. That's right, looks like Ireland is too busy playin' chicken with them Denver Bronco's management., or thinkin' about how he let former 'Fins QB lookin' to be new Redskins startin' QB John Beck' go. Anyway y'all shake and bake it, we end up with the same fer now; once again, we the fans are denied of our high hopes for a Super Bowl win this season.

Now as I said I understand that the Orton deal ain't toes up yet, but if ya ask me, I think that thar saucer has been washed, blown, dried and put away in the pantry. Meanwhile, it's been 'Hello Kitty', look what the cat done dragged in. Ireland has gone and signed QB Matt Moore, what was a back up them Carolina Panthers. Of course the question is 'why' and the answer, as always is to provide some competition fer Chad Henne. Folks, I say if it looks like a third stringer, acts like a third stringer, and quacks like a third stringer, it ain't no startin' quarterback. So, I don't rightly know what the Fins management is thinkin'.

Newsflash: Hold on to your drawers, folks, I just heard on the news that Chad Henne got booed today at the practice scrimmage. In fact, not only did he get booed, but some ornery folks were callin' fer Kyle Orton! Now I ain't gonna say that them fans is always right, but in this case I think this here is a no brainer. Thar ain't no need to get all emotional about this folks, because the way I see it this here is a numbers games. And, well, that's the problem. This Chad is hangin' in the wind on account of he keeps hittin' opposin' defenses in the numbers!

Now yesterday, cousin Justin asked me what I thought of Kyle Orton. I told him that I got me a good feelin' 'bout this feller and I surely would like to see him suit up as a Dolphin against them Patriots in the opening games. I don't think he's the second comin' of Dan Marino none, but I sure think he's got a few more notches up the experience belt than Chad Henne does. I also think he's got more smarts to get the job done. And, if we got u a good offensive line, which it lookin' more and more like we will, and some playmakers what can stretch the field, then we got us a chance.

Speakin' of stretchin', own own WR diva Brandon Marshall has been stretchin' his jaws again. Looks like he wants to be the poster boy fer bi-polar disorder … which by the way ain't got nothin' to do with where he wants to put his 'what not'. Of course, even if it did, that thar would be his own business, as long as he get it's done in the field where his mind, hands, and legs should be at ... and other body parts, too. Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

The other big news in Dolphins camp these days is the return of Jason Taylor. Now I'll tell y'all what, I know that there's lots of fans what like that thar JT, and are as happy as pigs in a blanket that he's a comin' back. Butt folks, I'll be honest in tellin' y'all that re-signin' that twinkie toes just don't sit right by me, and here's why: You see, I reckon that bringing JT and his dancin' shoes back is just a marketin' ploy by Mr. Orange Carpet himself, Stephen Ross. Sure, it's a popular move with them fans what would like to see JT retire a Miami Dolphin. Well folks, it seems to me that lots of fans ain't got their priorities screwed on straight!

What we need is players what will help us win, AND get us to the big game, which is somethin' JT ain't never done. Now surely, he's a fine player and all … or at least was, and I do got lots of respect fer the job he did when he was here way back when ... not the last time, but the time before. But again, he ain't never brought us no Super Bowl, so I say it's time we went out and got us some youngin's what can. So don't get me wrong, I like JT. And, if he was brought in only to add some depth to the roster, well that's fine and dandy. Butt, I don't want to hear no foolishness 'bout his leadership skills, on account of he never lead us to no Super Bowl in the past. Last I looked, our 'sack attack' Cameron Wake was doin' just fine, and he certainly ain't no John Travolta.

Meanwhile, thar's another JT in the mix what it also a linebacker, and he's Jason Trusnick, what played with them 'take me to the Stinker Bowl' Cleveland Browns. I don't know what skill set he brings to the supper table, but as long as he can at least kick some butt on special teams, that thar is good. So far, his claim to fame was that we was traded from the Jets to the Browns as part of the Braylon Edwards deal, so that don't say much.

Ok, so a in all, it looks like our defense is lookin' good, like it did last year. Now our offense s got to follow suit … and when I say suit, I don't mean the 'birthday' suit! So here's what I know about what's goin' on on that side of the field: There's been a fair share of comin's and goin's. Wildcat RB Ronnie Brown has gone off to play for them birdies from Philly. I'm gonna miss him some. Last I seen we still got us Run Ricky Run Williams as a free agent, and we also picked up another Heisman Trophy winner RB, Reggie Bush! Yes, he's getting' on in years, but maybe a few swigs of some ole' Brett Favre's Geritol might do him some good. Also, to get him juiced up some, he can drive on over to Hallandale and pick him up some prune juice. Whether he's a still a threat in the backfield remains to be seen, but at least them opposin' defenses will either take “hey, look at that thar, that's Reggie Bush!” I also thinkin' that pairin' him up with our new second draft choice, Daniel Thomas, is a good deal. Teach that youngin some smarts. I say!

For the offensive line, I also hear we signed us tackle Marc Columbo from them Chicago Bears what is also getting' up there in years, but ain't the one what used to wear a white coat, asked lots of questions and what died a few weeks back, rest his soul. This Columbo was first round pick way back when, so I reckon he's gonna shore up the front line along with Mike Pouncey and Vernon Carey, what's goin' back to play guard.

Well, that's all I got fer y'all today regardin' them FINS. So I say "GO FINS!".

On the personal level and in Jugmonger country thar ain't much goin' on. My sweety deety, Jolene, has gone back to visit her folks up thar in Gulf Breeze, like what she does most summers. I sure do miss her though, but I don't blame her none. They got them a 'Golden Corral' up thar what's got some wonderful cafeteria style eatin'. They also got them a Zaxby's what's got some fantabulous chicken. By the way, t thar was a non-paid endorsement of them food establishments, but if any y'all work there, do the right thing and them owners to throw me a bone … or a rib … or even a wing! That would be nice, and I would thank you kindly fer doin' so.

Well that's it fer me folks! And now some words of wisdom: "Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders, but mostly from the neck up." Knute Rocknie said that, not me ... even though I just did as y'all can plainly see above.

----------------------------
Miami Dolphins Gear! Get It Here!

NFL News and Tropical Storm Update

2011-06-10T06:03:00.002-04:00

Howdy Folks!

Summer's here and as usual in these parts it's hot! Now, I tell y'all what, I'm like the rest of you what have been keepin' your eyes out fer some real NFL football news or fer some tropical storm action in the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. I got my duct tape rarin' to go and I suspect y'all have done the same. But so far, we ain't heard squat about no NFL and no 'canes! And, since most folks are doin' the best they can to get on with life I thought I'd make things easy by postin' the followin' news update to help y'all out. Y'all can thank you me later. Ok, here goes:

Official Jugmongers' Tropical Storm Weather update:

- TROPICAL CYCLONE FORMATION IS NOT EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT 48 HOURS.

Official Jugmongers' NFL Update:

- NFL FORMATION IS NOT EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT 48 HOURS.

Alright, fer all you all pollyanna's out thar what are hopeful, y'all can check back on this page as many times as you like. Keep clickin' "Refresh" on your menu above and eventually somethin' will come to pass, as it says in the 'Good Book'. I'm sure of it on account of there's more money to be made fer them owners and players doin' what they is supposed to be doin' than what there is to be lost by not doin' what it is they is supposed to be doin'! Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

Meanwhile, addin' insult to injury I heard some rumors that them NFL folks are thinkin' about puttin' on an 8 game season! A gosh dang !!$#@$% 8 GAME SEASON! And, they is talkin' 'bout not startin' til November! What the heck is wrong with these people? Ain't we skint enough? If that's the best them NFL folks what are sittin' in some pretty high cotton can offer us poor fans, then I say, "Mr Commisioner, my cow up and died on me, so I don't need you bull!"

Fer the life of me, I just can't wrap my noggin' 'round this one folks. What the heck do they need 5-weeks fer free-agency fer? It takes about 5 minutes flat for me and some of my kin to choose sides fer a pick up game of football? I choose you, you choose him and let's get on with the game. Well folks, it's sad to say it, but them owners and players are more interested in the money and wranglin' 'round in legalese than the sancitity of the game. I reckon they need time to get their ducks in row in terms of TV deals and sponsors, as well. It's pitiful, that's what it is. It's shameful and a disgrace to all them giant legends of football what played when we were youngins.

Folks, I said it before: I’m so hungry fer NFL football, especially to see my FINS play, that I’m fartin’ cobwebs over here. I feel like I been drug through a knot hole ass backwards and beat over the head with buzzard guts. I know it's still technically the off-season, but us fans need somethin' a lot more sturdy to hold onto than the followin' news bits:

What tom fool is a gonna sign 34-years old former WR Plaxico Buress, what shot himself in the foot, has been in the lock up sine I don't know when, and hasn't played football since 2008.
How many players are gettin' arrested these days.
What team is a gonna pull its pants down for that thar HBO Hard Knocks TV show.
Why NY Jet's pretty boy Mark Sanchez played better in the off season than the regular season.
Talk of how all them players what were on injured reserved or on the practice squads are gonna come back this years and kick some butt (yawn).
Which teams, yes I said teams - that thar is the plural - Randy Moss is a gonna play for and git pouty with.
Where former Ohio State Buckeye's coach and quarterback are gonna flip burgers at!

So again, I say it's time them highfalutin' NFL folks git their butts out of the outhouse and get'er done for us fans! I tell y'all what, if and they don't soon ... (shudders) ... I might start talkin' 'bout the UFL or even ... (double shudders) them CFL! Heck them them other leagues might even advertise with me!

All the best, - Judd Jugmonger
-----------------

Here's some readin' fer y'all to bide your time with this summer:

NFL Owners Need To Own Up To The Fans!

2011-03-08T08:53:00.002-05:00

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I tell y'all what, I'm just pullin' my hairs out about this here situation with the NFL labor dispute. It's bad enough the NFL season's ended and we ain't go no games to watch. But addin' insult to injuries is the fact that we may not get us no more football fer awhile on account of them players and owners are still squabblin' 'bout what do with money what they ain't even earned yet, but got their sights on anyway.

Now if y'all are like me, then I reckon y'all are probably as angry as a bear what got its head stuck in an outhouse hole. Y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout here, folks. Both them owners and players, what got a heck of a lot more than just a fancy pot to piss in, are lookin' out fer their own interests - and what they is interested in is not us fans or our game day experience.

Both sides got their demands on how to slice up that thar 'green' apple pie, and they is doin' their best to tell the other side to go and argue with a fencepost. In the mean time, until they get what they want, they is holdin' next season's games hostage and rufflin' the feathers of good fans. It's a cryin' shame and an insult to the glory of the game ... and the gridiron, too!

If y'all ask me, I'd say it's them owners, what have done gone and got Yankee rich over the years, that oughtsta be tar and feathered fer carryin' on the way they do. None of them seem to have the good sense God promised a billy goat on a good day! They done and grown their business so much, they is a wantin' more cash just to keep their Titanics from sinkin'... and when I say Titanics, I mean them new stadiums... not their teams.

That's right. The way I see it is that this here is all about them owners wantin' to build them some bigger stadiums. I just don't see why? I heard of lots of teams what can't even fill the ones they already got! Heck, if them Dolphins' Sun Life Stadium was any quieter on game day, I could swear y'all could hear a corndog drop.

And, y'all can bet your flask that whenever them owners get them an itch to build a new stadium, they is a gonna ask them revenuers for some of our tax money, anyway! And, fer what? So that they can charge regular folks more money fer lousy seats and higher priced junk to eat, while a few rich 'pop-tarts', 'gangstas' and revenuers can ignore the game from their fancy 'highfalutin' sky boxes ... complete with indoor plumbin'! So I just don't see the point in what them owners want ... and to be honest, I'm sure most of y'all don't neither.

Now, it ain't no secret that I like cash. I reckon we all do! The problem with them owners is that they love our cash a bit too much and want to be usin' it instead of their own. So, it ain't got no nothin' to do with them not makin' no money in the traditional sense. Anyways, bigger stadiums don't make fer no better teams, it only makes fer more blackouts on the TV. It also makes fer some other problems like monster parkin' lots I tend to get lost in.

Most folks I know what don't even put more than $5 of gas in their jalopies at a time, will run out of gas before they even find their parkin' spaces to get geared up fer their tailgatin' party. Y'all know what else? On a hot day in Florida, even when y'all get to your parkin' space, y'all will need 2 pairs of flip-flops to make it to the stadium as you try to cross them blasted paved asphalt deserts. Trust me, that thar first pair is a gonna melt down faster than a peanut butter and nanner' sandwich in a fryin' pan.

Another problem with them bigger stadiums has got to do with the environment. Askin' a 100,000 fans to drive to the stadium means an increase of greenhouse gases. That thar is a lot of carbon dioxide! That's right, and I ain't even talkin' 'bout the increase of methane, too! Y'all can blame them cows all y'all want, but you and I both know the truth! Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

In a logical world, smaller stadiums means more butts on them seats and more support fer the home team. Heck, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that when them Miami Dolphins done achieved that thar perfect season in '72, the 12th man on the field was them fans in the old Orange Bowl with their white hankies a wavin' proudly. Of course, the 13th, 14th and some other men were probably still standin' on line to the outhouse -but that thar is another story.

I don't understand a few things. Them owners keep sayin' they is losin' their shirts in the NFL business ... but they don't want to open their bank books up and prove it to them players what are wearin' more gold and silver than most countries need to balance their budgets with. What I do know, however, is that them owners get them TV Networks to pay them a zillion dollars fer the rights to broadcast them local NFL games ... and then they threaten us local fans with TV blackouts if enough of us don't come to fork over our paycheck to come to them home games.

Folks, ain't y'all sick of tired of them rich types tryin' to ask fer our more money just so that they can grow more of their own? Ain't y'all sick of them revenuers kissin' the butts of them stadium owners instead of the folks what voted them into public office? I say the time is now to send a message to them NFL owners that we fans are sick and tired of it all... and if things keep up, well then, there's a gonna be a revolution ... even if it means watchin' them UFL games!

I know it's the off-season anyway. but I tell y'all what, in all my born days I was never so hungry fer NFL football that I'm startin' to fart cobwebs! Y'all heard me right! I keep hearin' 'bout some collective bargainin' agreement (CBA) or somethin' or another what needs to be worked out. So come on down from that cotton y'all are sittin' might high in and 'get'er done! It's the least y'all can do fer us fans.

All the best,

- Judd Jugmonger

----------------------------------------------------

While we all wait fer the next CBA deadline to get postponed, here's some good readin' I recommend them owners read, too:

Super Bowl XLV - Judd Prognosticates The Winner

2011-02-05T14:18:00.008-05:00

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I ain't been around too much on account of I've been busy with some "production" projects, been and what not. Heck, I can be honest with y'all I done got myself lost in parkin' lot again, on an occasion or two. I've also been on a diet, but that's another story! Anyway, Super Bowl Sunday is upon is us once again. I keep gettin' email's from some of y'all what want to know what team I think is a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon this time around. So I thought, fer all y'all what want to bet against me, I'd oblige with my picks.

Ok, unless any of y'all Cheese Heads or Steeler Nation types have come back from the Moon, y'all know it's them Green Bay Packers (10-6) vs. them Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4). Folks, this ain't gonna be no stinker bowl, and even the loser won't be drivin' the short bus home from the stadium. Both these teams are as tough as whit leather. They will both play hard and will be busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest tryin' to win that thar Super Bowl ring.

Now, some folks say this game is all about QBs Aaron Rodger (Greenbay) vs. Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh). That's right, it's ain't about QBs Bart Starr (Green Bay) nor Terry Bradshaw (Pittsburgh). It also ain't about them old but great Dolphins' QB Dan Marino, what was born in Pittsburgh.

I reckon that if this game is to be won on offense, then here's the match up y'all been snortin' about:

Aaron Rodgers (312-475, 3922 yds, 28 tds)

What can be said about Aaron Rodgers that ain't been said before? He's been walkin' tall and steppin' out that thar long shadow what that ole' Geritol swigger, Brett Favre, left behind. So I tell y'all what, I say it's time fer that there youngin' Aaron Rodgers to take one more giant step and do what like Johnny Walker says: "just keep on walkin'! This youngin' was voted the FedEx Air NFL Player of the Year - and y'all all know it wasn't fer deliverin' pizzas or moonshine.

Ben Roethlisberger (240-389, 3200 yds, 17 tds)

If y'all do it on the papers, I'd say Aaron Rodgers is the better QB. But then there's one things them statistics don't reflect: toughness. That thar gunslinger, Ben Roethlisberger is one tough oak barrel. So I prognosticate that if this game gets physical, he'll be able to take a few more hits than Rodgers. Heck, even when he does get hit, he keeps that thar pigskin in action .. so that his Speedy Gonzales receivers can get open again. Yes sir, he keeps them pass defenders as busy as a cat coverin' his what not on a marble floor. Now, that's what they call his "play extendin' experience" - and that thar is an important consideration, if y'all are a wantin' to win a Super Bowl.He won't throw in that thar "Terrible Towel" for no reason.

Now, winnin' Superbowls is somethin' Roethlisberger knows about. He' a gunnin' for his 3rd, despite a year what started out with him missin' 4 games on account of he's no gentleman (translation: sexual assault allegations and what not). To achieve that, a QB need a wild streak, and Roethlisberger's got one a mile and yard long. He's as wild as a peach orchard hog and crazier than a run over dog... but he still ain't no gentleman, like yours truly. Y'all can go ahead and ask my sweety deety, Jolene, to vouch fer me on that one!

Now don't get me wrong, I think that thar Roethlisberger is one heck of quarterback. He reminds me them old greats like John Elway, Kenny Stabler and Jim Plunkett. He also reminds me of myself, on account of, accordin' to reports from TMZ.com, he can drink beer and sing, too! I think QB Terry Bradshaw, what's now a butt bearin' bona fide movie star, could do that, too. So Ben is sittin' in some pretty high cotton thar. By the way, I ain't heard of "the Velvet Elvis" where Ben does his act - but anyplace named after "the King" is fine by me. Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

Gettin' Defensive

Them Steelers' got them one good defense. I don't know if it's as good as that thar Steel Curtain of the 70s what came before them. But I tell y'all what, I wouldn't want run head first into them boys ... and that's just what Aaron Rodgers is a gonna have to do! Now them Green Bay boys, well, they got themselves a mighty fine defense, too. They also got them that thar pro-bowler linebacker, Clay Mathews. Still, them Steelers got them strong safety and NFL Defensive Player of the Year, Troy Polamalu. Now. both these player are play makers, but at the end of the day, if Aaron Rodgers is pressured and hurried and all squirrely like from takin' one too many hits ... well he might just throw Troy a pick 6. And, y'all know that Polamalu knows which way the end-zone is. Don't be surprised if this game is won by some defensive scores.

The Bottom Line:

When I was a youngin' I admired them Packers on account of Bart Starr and Vince Lombardi. Also, I like the color green, on account of it reminds me of cash. So the bottom line folks is .... well, heck, I'd love to go with my heart and say "go with them Packers", but I'm gonna have to follow my guts and say "go with them Steelers". Their defense is as tough as Brazil nuts, their receivers can run faster than green grass goin' through a goose, and their QB is as slick as owl droppin' on a July mornin'! That's right and don't y'all know it!

Other reasons them Steelers oughtsta win:

- Them Steelers in General Lee (I mean "generally") have got them more Super Bowl experience on their staff than them Packers. It's a fact. Check them numbers.

- The Steelers have a long tradition of winnin' the big game. Them Packers won the first Super Bowl ever. That's it. Even my Miami Dolphins have won 2.

- Dolphins QB, Dan Marino, was born in Pittsburgh. That's enough said on that one.

- Heck, my Miami Dolphins beat them Packers 23-20 earlier this season! Go Fins!

Ok, so that thar is my pick. Now I want to remind y'all if that whether y'all bet with me or against me and win big, y'all need to remember who gave you this here pick! So, use the link on the right and do right by me. And, tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! Happy Tail Gatin' Y'all!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

-----------------------------------

Here's some good readin' related to this here game:

Holiday Fish Rot

2011-01-08T12:37:00.002-05:00

Howdy Folks and Kin,

It's been a while since I wrote y'all. Not much has been happenin' in these parts, 'cept for them holidays and all. I got lost in a parkin' lot fer a spell, as well. Next year, I'll do my shoppin' early on account of the Piggly Wiggly is no place fer last minute shoppin'. In all my days, I never seen so many porkers in flip flops arguin' over a bag of beef jerky. I understand that times are hard fer some folks what don't got no pot to piss in, like me (hint, hint, send me your money right now!), but still them holidays are a time fer sharin' and the spirit of brotherhood. Maybe they got that brotherhood thing mixed up and thought it meant siblin' rivalry and such. I don't know. Lots a folks are confused these days - me, too!

Christmas was nice. I got me a shiny new guitar pick from my sweety deety, Jolene. She also gave me a kiss, so I guess I'm pretty fortunate. I gave her some new sexy bloomers what cousin Justine passed onto me ... what she was given fer her birthday last year by her special friend, Randy... what uh, likes to count his chickies before they is done hatchin' - know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Needless to say, Randy didn't get none and Cousin Justine dumped his sorry butt fer bein' presumptuous enough to give her that thar pair of them sexy bloomers. Cousin Justine got her scruples all in a duck row and she knows where she stands on them issues... and she just don't stand fer no one what wants to be issuin' nothin'! So, Jolene has got them bloomers now, compliments of me, and I'm sure they will be put to good use. Y'all can trust me on that!

FISH ROT

Hey, any of y'all know what the heck is goin' on with them Fins? Fer you yankees and loop de loops out thar in the west, that's the Miami Dolphins, see? Well, I reckon y'all know they sort of imploded again last year and ended up with another losin' record at 7 and 9 and no playoff berth. I been down in the dumps on account of this and haven't really been interested in followin' them playoffs none. Also I been workin' on my guitar and my chicken pickin' skills and puttin' that thar new pick what Jolene gave me, to good use. But, hope springs eternal when you are a life long fan of them Fins ... which I is!

Now I tell y'all what, I've been sittin' on the edge of my porch followin' all them news reports tryin' to figure out why our once proud team has got its butt hangin' out and flappin' in the wind fer all to see. I understand them management folks want to make some changes on account of if the team ain't gonna win no home games, thar ain't gonna be no butts in them stadium seats. Folks will just come to them tail gatin' parties and then go off and listen to the Mad Dog and Joe Rose on the radio ... or they will just head on out and over to Hooters or some other such sports bar where they got other things to look at during timeouts and what not. No doubt, some folks will just head back to their doublewides to sit in there in their fancy home theaters with surround sound audio, 3d goggles and 42 foot screens ... and which is only a short walk to the comforts of their own outhouses. Oh, and don't ferget, all the beer they can drink fer free! That thar is a much better idea than givin' your monthly salary away to sit in the nose bleed section where ya can't tell Bo Diddley from Diddley Squat and can't hear a dang thing 'cept fer Julio and Juliette what don't speak no English none and won't turn down that thar dang Radio Ritmo!

Ok so here are my thoughts on how to turn things around and what not (from the tell me somethin' I don't know files):

HOW TO GET'ER DONE!

1) QUARTERBACK
Get a new QB, and get one quick! They don't call Chad Henne "robot" for no good reason. That boy can't see the forest from the trees, and heck he can't even throw over own front line. He ain't got the confidence to get'er and he can't even run none when he needs to get goin'. This ain't computer programmin' folks. It takes brains, not artificial intelligence. We need us a QB what can think on his feet and not just follow orders.

Tyler Thigpen is a good back up but he ain't competitive enough. I reckon he can think and run better than Chad Henne, so y'all have to wonder why he didn't take a giant leap frog forward durin' the season. The truth is he just wasn't competitive enough in the offseason. I say they can keep Tyler, but they need to bring in a proven 1st stringer quality QB to get the job done. Maybe Kevin Kolb or Vince Young? I don't know, but I do know that we don't need no more 2nd stringers and journeyman has beens and never was. The time fer this square dance is NOW, so let's get'er done!

2) HEAD COACH:
Now I like me that thar Coach Tony Sparano. I think he's got his head on straight and never stole no freight train. I think it's the players what just didn't get on and execute what it was they was learned to do. And I also reckon he trusted (or was given) the wrong offensive coaches. I think they need to give him more control over that thar personnel, too. Now, that bein' said, I believe them reports that he does that thar micro-managin' stuff, on account of you know that he's a stickler fer numbers and what not. So someone needs to tell him how to chill out and let them boys have some fun. That's right, he oughtsta have a few words or puffs of reefer with that thar Ricky Williams before he takes off fer free agency ... and then New York Jets!

I think that it was cryin' shame what Ross-Ireland-Peterson did to Tony this past week, by goin' out and lookin' fer a new coach while they still had him on the hangin' on the line. Well, them star struck 3 mouseketteers just fell short and ended up with egg nogg on their faces. Cowher wasn't gonna come to Miami unless he got 100% of what he wanted... meanin' that Ireland and Peterson would be out. So Peterson and Ireland ran a smokescreen on Ross and took him (and the media) all the ways out west to see Jim Harbough who's sittin' pretty high in the cotton right now... and was a wantin' to stay out on the west coast anyhow. This ain't rocket science folks. Ain't no one, except maybe Eric Mangini, would want to come and clean up them left over fish flakes and elephant pies on that thar orange carpet.

3) OFFENSIVE BRAIN TRUST
Get a new offensive coordinator, and get on quick! Dan Henning, what is older than Methuselah, needs to join Brett Favre on the Geritol circuit and just retire. He didn't get the job done none last year, nor the year before that, and that's that. Thar just ain't no more meat left on that thar bone. And while y'all are puttin' him out to pasture, y'all can send David Lee, that thar QBs coach with him as well. Y'all ever seen that movie Old Yeller? Well, then y'all know the endin' and what we need to do ... time fer a complete overhaul of the offensive brain trust. That's fer sure! Time to leave all of last year's offensive coaches out behind the barn.

4) OFFENSIVE LINE
Heck, this goes back to them Offensive Brain Trust. This here is them new coaches 1st priority. We need depth and we need to stop buildin' the whole offensive scheme around 1 or 2 better players. We need everyone to be better players - and yes players what can think on their feets. I reckon we had the same problem here we did with Chad Henne. Everyone followin' orders and not really seein' what's goin' on around them. Boys, if someone tells y'all to walk straight, y'all gots to use your eyes and brains to know not step in them potholes and dog droppin's along the way. Ya see? Lots a times last year them boys were just plain out thunk. Jake Long and Karlos Dansby were great, but they can't hold down the fort all by themselves.

5) OFFENSIVE BACK FIELD
Folks, we need us some new runnin' back. Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown are as good as gone with the wind due to free agency. I've loved them both dearly over the years, but it's time to move on. Let's get us that thar Mark Ingram and some other youngbloods and teach them right and which we is up. If we can wrangle a big proven name, so much the better. Whatever it takes, just get'er done! Gettin' a new QB will help lots here, too.

6) DUMP JEFF IRELAND (and Peterson, too!)
General Mangler Jeff Ireland has got to go. It's time we pull chain and hold our noses on this one. And, who the heck is this Carl Peterson anyway? Is he the new Tuna or Pope or what? I understand he's a friend of owner Steve Ross, but he's stirred up more problems than a hornet in an outhouse!

I tell you what, the two of them together are one can short of a six pack, and is only lookin' out fer themselves. Now, I reckon it was Ireland what wanted to throw Sparano under the train on account of he figures: (a) it's easy to blame the coach when things gone sour. Truth is that Coach Sparano has had to make the best of the talent he was supplied with... such as Chad Henne and them other what nots. (b) Ross is chummy with Peterson and Ireland has a connection with Ireland - so now that the TUNA has swum out to sea, I reckon Ireland is just coverin' his ass and protectin' his job, rather than puttin' the team's needs first.

Ireland has already brought some shame to this here team when he asked that thar draft prospect last year whether his mama was a ... well I'm gonna be politically correct, folks, by sayin' sex worker ... and not a whore. His mouth has clearly overloaded his butt and now he's gone and tried to whack Tony Sparano. If y'all ask me, we don't need his way of doin' business. It's ugly. He must have fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. That boy is so stuck up, he’d drown in a rainstorm. It's also clear that the TUNA was the brains behind his position and that without him, Ireland's ain’t got the good sense God promised a billy goat on a good day. So I say turn him loose and let Sparano manage his own personnel. And that's all I have to say about that!

7) ROLL UP THAT ORANGE CARPET and TEAR DOWN THEM SKY BOXES

Folks, let be honest. Even since movin' into that blasted stadium, our teams have been more lost than a flea in a shag rug. 75,000 seats and y'all can hear a pin drop. With such a big stadium it just ain't possible to get any kind of noise and hometown support goin' fer the boys on the field. First time I was in that thar stadium I started one of them WAVES ... and folk's it ended before my arms were even raised above my head!

That old Orange Bowl what was torn down was great. Them players could hear them fans and get all excited on account of everyone was so close to each other and close to the field. Heck, you could cut the cheese in them nose bleed seats and them folks on the sidelines would shout "hey! did that come out of you?!"

I tell y'all what else, that thar Sun Life Stadium has got an identity crisis. How many names has it had over the years? Joe Robbie Stadium, Pro Player Stadium, Dolphins Stadium, Land Shark Stadium, Sun Life Stadium. No wonder our teams play so poorly there; they must be nervous they is playin' in the wrong stadium! Heck, fer some weeks they even got a baseball diamond on the field, and I'm sure that really confuses them players a bunch.

Now we also got us an Orange Carpet what them botox celebrity hoo ha's walk down and a night club fer them 5000 folks what pay through the nose to sip expensive French hooch and eat ritzy seafood what stanks as bad as some of our players play. That ain't what football is about Mr. Ross. If you want the other 70,000 seats filled with butts, you best be passin' around some free beer, beef jerky, nachos, chips, hot wings and, ok, some churros fer all them young Julios and Julliettes. And, don't ferget some of that thar mary jane fer them other rasta folks. So Mr Ross, TEAR DOWN THEM SKY BOXES!

I tell you what else, we don't need no Jennifer Lopez walkin' down no Orange Carpet neither. We need her to be down there with them other 70,000 fans, mixin' it up with them regular folks what want to look at her butt some. In fact, we should send all them cheerleaders up into the stands and let them do their thing. I ain't sayin' they need to do no lap dancin' or anything, but it would be a whole lot better to see them up close and all. Now, THAT's how you can get folks to fill them seats, Mr. Ross.

8) BRING BACK OUR FIGHT SONG!

Lastly, stop messin' with our fight song! It served us well durin' the perfect season. We don't need no new rap crap hip hop diddle by no T-Pain In The Butt what no one can understand them words. And you can tell Jimmy Buffet, what currently lives them Hamptons in Long Island, New York, that we don't need his song neither. Fin's to the left, fins, to the right ... take your Yankee fins and stick them up your butt. Y'all can have a Pabst Blue Ribbon on me ... not that cracker jack watered down lager swill what' you is tryin' to pass off as real beer... and what you stole it's name from Chevy Chase. Landshark? Sounds likes somethin' what been rottin' on the beach fer too long.

Folks, it seems them folks manglin' our football team don't know nothin' 'bout no football. Our football team needs stability so that we can get back to the business of winnin' by supportin' our head coach Tony Sparano and givin' him the staff and players to get'er done - instead of stabbin' him in the back and all us fans, too! We don't need no fancy sky boxes with perrier in them toilets. We don't need orange carpets with celebrities what don't even come to watch the game. We need real players what can play and we need lots and lots of junkfood and freebies, too! Starbucks delivery would be also nice, if y'all can arrange it. I'd be much obliged if y'all did.

Now I surely hope that my suggestions are put to good use ... and that in time I am fairly compensated fer my ideas. Y'all can use the "donate" button over thar on the side to get it done. I thank you in advance.

Let's Get'er Done In The Off Season, Folks! GO FINS!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger
--------------------------
PS. Here is some FINS stuff I recommend fer y'all to have. I recommend the beer mug mnyself!

Thanksgiving Wishes To Y'all

2010-11-25T01:26:00.001-05:00

Create a digital greeting card

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 5

2010-10-10T05:35:00.000-04:00

Howdy Folks and Kin! It's week 5 of the NFL season and I just updated my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and y'all can also download them episodes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all y'all what don't like my voice none, I post the podcast transcripts right here below. Good luck and don't ferget me when y'all all that pizza dough!
-------------------------------------------

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, and hey, I'm here once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' to get y'all fixed up with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where the difference between a dollar bill and them Buffalo Bills is that you can still get 4 quarters out of one of them! Now, this week, we still got us some unbeaten teams and some teams what's just been beat up plain and simple, so let's get on it and get'er done...

New York Giants (2-2) at Houston Texans (3-1):
Ok folks, first up we got us them even Giants and them 3 and 1 Texans. This here is gonna be a good game! Maybe even the game of the week! Talk about smash mouth football! Now I tell y'all what, them Giants have been vexin' me every gosh durn week... and last week their defense did the same to them Bears with 10, count them 10 sacks! Can y'all spell THUD? Question is can they do it to Houston QB Matt Schaub this week? Meanwhile, them Texan's defense have been doin' the Texas 2-step to opposin' backfields. They is number 2 against the run in the league, so I reckon that thar pigskin is gonna see some airtime this week, compliments of Eli Manning, especially on account of the fact that thar Texan's pass rush is dead last in the league. Folks, I'd like to say go with them Giants, on account of I'm tired of them makin' me eat crow... but I won't. So stick with them Texans on this one, on account of RB Arian Foster, what I suspect is gonna have a big day!

St. Louis Rams (2-2) at Detroit Lions (0-4):
Alright now we got us them even Rams and them winless Lions. Folks, them Rams have been in the roundhouse turnin' it around, and that thar youngin' QB Sam Bradford has been earnin' his fat paycheck, so I ain't gonna call this no Stinker Bowl, and I ain't even gonna say "Poor Rams" this week... even though I just did. Hey! What can I say about them Lions what like to turnover that thar pigskin like a fried egg and flapjacks? Not much ... so file this one under a St. Louis win. Go with them Rams!

Green Bay Packers (3-1) at Washington Redskins (2-2):
Ok, next up is them 3 and 1 Packers what pay a visit to them 2 and 2 Redskins. Sounds like QB Aaron Rodgers and coach Mike McCarthy have been buttin' heads on the play callin' this past week. Now, them Green Bay boys won last week, but just barely! I'd say they need to sit themselves down with a 6-pack and some relationship counselin' to get them on the same page, before they start a "slip slidin' away, a slip slidin' away " from each other. Oops, sorry folks. Now the way I see it, them Redskins got them the worst pass defense in the league, and that thar QB Donovan, must be the season on the witch, NcNabb played like a bump on a log last week, and he faces them sack lovin' Packers defense this Sunday. So I prognosticate that this week, McNabb will get to say "hello" to Clay Mathews ... from the gound, lookin up.... a lot! Go with them Packers, folks!

Chicago Bears (3-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-4):
Alright, next up we got us them 3 and 1 Bears and them 0 and 4 Panthers. Bears QB Jay Cutler sends his regards from lala land after eatin' heavin' helpin's of gridiron dirt last week. Them Bears gave up an embarrassin' 9 sacks, and had almost as bad a game as my Fins did last week when their special teams stayed home. Now, even back up QB Todd Collins got knocked from the game and surely needed a few Tom Collins to set him right. Now them Panthers got themselves a nasty pass rush, too ... but uh, that's about all they got! So, I'm gonna say go with them Bears, and folks, keep you eyes on Julius Peppersteak, uh, I mean Peppers, what's gonna drop a few hot peppers on them Panthers offense and that thar Carolina Gherkin Jimmie Olsen, uh, I mean Clausen. So unless the ugly fairy comes a courtin' on them Bears again this week, go with Chicago!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (2-2):
(Doo do te do do do) Ok, folks watch where y'all step on account of accordin' to my observatorials and prognostinationals ..... (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low is them 2 and 1 Buccaneers and them 2 and 2 Bengals. Folks, let's be honest here, them Bengals ain't got no offense and them Tampa Bay boys, what had no yo-ho-hos in the by week probably still ain't go no clue neither. That thar Cadillac Williams oughsta change his name to Gremlin or Pinto or maybe just Model-T. I ain't so sure, but I reckon that thar QB Josh Freeman might got him more rushin' yards than that thar Cadillac. Now I reckon, Bengals QB Carson Palmer, what been playin' like Johnny Carson, might be singin' "I Got a Gal In Cincinnati, Got a Woman in San Antone, Said I Always Loved the Girl next Door, but anyplace is Home; I'm a freeborn man.... " and he will be if he don't win this here game. So I say go with them Buccaneers what will make them kitties walk the plank.

Denver Broncos (2-2) at Baltimore Ravens (3-1):
Ok, yonder come them even Broncos to face them 3 and 1 Ravens. I only need one word to speak encyclopedia volumes about this here game and that is Orton, as in Kyle Orton, as in Ravens QB Kyle Orton, what's gonna continue his roll to QB of the year. I tell y'all what, that boy is hotter than a cut-goat in a briar-patch. That's right. Now y'all know that I like that thar Baltimore QB Joe Flacco the whacko, but I just don't see him playin' catch up with Orton. Now to help Orton out, that thar Broncos' backfield needs to get them some runs and someone oughtsta send over a few bars of Ole Doc Pooter's Netherlax to get them goin'.

And hey, will Knowshon still be a no-show? Even if he is I still think, them Broncos are a gonna surprise a few folks this week. Even though most folks are pickin' them birdies to win, I'm go on the 45' record this week and say they is a gonna get trampled by a wild herd. Go with them Broncos and Tim Tebow, just joshin with y'a folks! All y'all Gator fans don't need get all riled up.

Atlanta Falcons (3-1) at Cleveland Browns (1-3):
Alright, next up we got us them 3 and 1 Falcons what play them 1 and 3 Browns. Now folks, last week I picked them Brown to win in that thar Stinker Bowl, and they surely did me proud, so I ain't gonna say nothin' bad about them this week ... 'cept that thar QB Matt Ryan and his Atlanta birdies are gonna dive bomb them browns. Heck, y'all know that's what it is and it is what it is... and that's she all she wrote. So go with them Falcons! Heck, that was easy and so what is I'm gonna do next, and that's get paid!

Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) at Indianapolis Colts (2-2):
Ok, we're back and yonder come them 3 and 0 Chiefs what go a callin' on them 2 and 3 Colts. Now most folks are callin' fer a reversal of fortunes with them Chiefs droppin' a game and them Colts finally comin' back to life. It's QB Matt Cassel, not Howard Cosell vs. Peyton Mannin'. If y'all do it on the papers, it surely looks like them Colts are a gonna win! But I tell ya what, I think it's gonna be the same old, same old story. Them Colts will disappoint this season. If them Chiefs want to get them a win they oughtsta keep the ball on the ground and chew up that thar clock just like my hound dog, just to make sure! That's right, play a bit of keep away with ole Peyton to win the game! Sorry Hoss, but I'm gonna go with them Chiefs to keep their streak alive. It might be a long shot, but I think it's a gonna pay dividends fer some good folks! And when it does, don't ferget me ... ease on down, ease on down the road... hmmm.

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) at Buffalo Bills (0-4):
Alright, now it's them even at 2 Jaguars vs. them "poor" Bills at 0 and 4. Now, I tell y'all what, this could be the Stinker Bowl of the week, part 2, 'cept fer the fact that them Jaguars beat them Colts last week on account that mean old man Josh Scobee what kicked a 59-yard field goal as time run out. That thar was a shocker! So I ain't gonna say not 2 words about no Geritol.. oops, I just did. Anyway, I reckon that all eyes are on them Jaguars to make it 2 in a row. Them Bills have been floppin' around like that thar Donald Duck's bill, and just like that thar watery fowl what got no pants on, them Bills have dropped theirs as well. Folks, if y'all got some dishes to do or some weeds to pull or some beef to smoke, well go ahead and just skip this here game of who's that and what the heck is it. Who's gonna win? Well, I reckon them kitties will pull this one out at the last second, too ... just like last week! So go with them Jaguars!

New Orleans Saints (3-1) at Arizona Cardinals (2-2):
Ok, now here's a game to watch if y'all like to see some blood. It's them 3 and 1 Saints vs. them 2 and 2 Cardinals. I tell you what. This game should be played in the Vatican with all them Saints and Cardinals and only that thar Pope is missin'. But even is he was there, it would take a miracle for them Saints and Drew "call him the breeze" Brees to lose this one! Them birdies are startin' a new QB what's named Max Hall ... as in send him down the hall. That's right, so go with them Saints what will rain heaven and heck on them birdies.

Tennessee Titans (2-2) at Dallas Cowboys (1-2):
Alright, next up is them 2 and 2 Titans vs. them 1 and 3 Cowboys. Them Dallas boys are comin' off a bye week, and oughtsta be well rested and a rarin' to go! Them Titans are still a waitin' for somethin' more from QB Vince Young and RB Chris Johnson what ain't gone "whoosh" right by anyone lately. Them Cowboys got QB Tony Romo and RB Marion Barber, which just haven't been hittin' paydirt like they should, if y'all know what I mean, and I think y'all do. So I just spun me my little pigskin on this one, and it pointed to them Cowboys, and I agree, on account of the only advantage they gots is that they had a nice bye week nap. Go with them Cowboys what will take down them Titans a few pegs legs.

San Diego Chargers (2-2) at Oakland Raiders (1-3):
Alright, now we got us a game! Or at least half a game. Them Chargers blew out them Cardinals last week with a score of 41-10, with 9 turnovers and 3 sacks! Overall, they is like 2nd in the NFL in defense and they're are a hopin' that lightnin' strikes twice and will zap them Raiders this week. I don't see why not. Hey, what about them Oakland fellers? Well the only sacks they might get are them pillow sacks what they can wear over their heads as they take the short bus home from stadium... compliments of them Chargers.

Philadelphia Eagles (2-2) at San Francisco 49ers (0-4):
Ok, now we got us them even at 2 Eagles what "fly like an Eagle" over to them winless 49ers. Ok, folks lets do the hokey pokey, ya take your starter in, you starter out, ya put that thar Michael Vicks in (woof woof) and he runs all about, ya take your Vicks out, ya put your Kolb in and ya shake it all about... you do the hokey pokey... and folk's I'm gettin' "all shook up" (uh, huh, uh). And folks, y'all know that someone needs to get over to Philadelphia and show that thar team how to protect their QBs! Last week I said them Eagles would win on account of Vicks, what I also meant to say was that without Vicks them Eagles would lose and that's what happened. It's nice to be right, ain't it? What about them 49ers? Well, what about them? They is one can short of a 6-pack and playin' as slow as molasses. Not much to chew on thar, folks so go with them Eagles and Kevin Kolb's big comeback.

Minnesota Vikings (1-2) at New York Jets (3-1):
Alright, it's Monday Night Football! And we got us them 1 and 2 Vikings vs. them 3 and 1 Jets. Well, I had to eat me some crow last week again on account of them metal birdies beat my Fins. So I have to give a bit salute to their special teams and especially them Chung and Ninkapoop, uh, I mean Ninkovitch what just played like they was on fire. QB Mark Sanchez (smile purty) is comin' into his own as some prime rib player and this week he gets back Santana, no, uh, Santonio Holmes. Them fins need them Sherlock Holmes to find out where their special teams' heads are at... and some of them already rolled on down the line. Sanchez threw for 12 TDs last year and this year he's already got himself 8. I ain't sure if he's chewin' churos or what, but whatever it is he oughtsta keep it up! Meanwhile, over thar in Minnesota, well, they got them ex-Pats' former Viking Randy Moss to help bust out ole' Brett Geritol Favre from his geriatric funk. Folks, if there's one place ole' Brett don't want to be it's near them New York Jets fans on account of they rode him hard and put him away wet when he played there a way back when. Now I reckon he's a hopin' Randy Moss will save the day! Well, I suspect he'll save some face but not the game. Oh, and it looks like Jets CB Darrelle Revis will play, too! So go with them Jets and smile purty!

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, folks, y'all know I'm a big Fins fan and I told y'all in my Twitter and Facebook updates that fish heads would roll in the bye week after them fins got fried last week on specials teams. Meanwhile, all this bye week, thar's been some what not reports what are sayin' that that thar QB Chad Henne, not Penny, might join CB Sean Smith in the dog house as Coach Sparano starts Chad Pennington... Penny, not Henne! I doubt that will happen folks, but young Chad gotsta learn not to give away the ball so much, like I give y'all give these picks every week. But my picks and his picks are very different! So I'm hopin' y'all will help me out, especially on account of I keep givin' y'all these picks to win you some pizza dough. So don't ferget me ... and hey, don't ferget that our band done released our CD, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny! So get on over to I-Tunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby.com or even our website, that thar is www.jugmongers.com, that's jugmongers with a "J", and buy our album or a T-Shirt, or both and show your friends and kin that you support them Jugmongers' arts. And tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

Ok, and don't ferget, if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares with my personal endorsement, well, do like Ole Doc Pooter and the Crock Pot Crockery do and send me an email so I can help y'all out, too! Y'all can find it on my website (or here on my blog). Ok, and now some words of wisdom: Life ain't worth livin' if y'all ain't livin'! Imagine all them people tail gatin' on Sunday.....

------------------------------
PS. For all y'all what want to pay tribue to John Lennon, what would've turned 70 this week, here's some books and music what I recommend!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 4

2010-10-03T05:35:00.000-04:00

Howdy Folks and Kin!

It's week 4 of the NFL season and I just updated my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and y'all can also download them episodes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all y'all what don't like my voice none, I post the podcast transcripts right here below. Good luck and don't ferget me when y'all win big!

-------------------------------------------

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, and hey, I'm once again here live from the Katywonkered Cafe' to get y'all fixed up with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where some teams are like possums on account of they play dead at home and get themselves killed on the road! Speaking of roadkill, last week thar was lots of upsets, but also some long shots what came in, Like I told they would. Now, this week, it's muddy waters fer some teams, and the open road fer some others. So let's get on it and get'er done.....

Baltimore Ravens (2-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0):

Ok, first up we got us them 2 and 1 Ravens vs. them 3 and 0 Steelers. I reckon this here is gonna be a good game, maybe even the game of the week, right off the bat! Y'all have to give them Pittsburgh boys credit fer keepin' the gravy train of wins a runnin' without their startin' gunslinger, Ben Rothlislinger, uh, berger what's been in the NFL pen fer the last 4 weeks. He get's paroled on Monday and comes back to a team what's been in caretaker mode since his suspension, and what is runnin' out of QBs, but quick! Meanwhile them Baltimore birdies have the number 1 ranked defense in the league, even though I think they could use some something to stop them other teams from gettin' the runs. Still, I reckon, QB Joe Flacco, the whacko, what still hasn't won on Heinz field, is gonna team up with Anakin Skywalker, uh, I mean Anquan Boldin, to remind them Steelers just how important a stable QB is. Go with them Ravens what will melt down them Steelers this week.

Detroit Lions (0-3) at Green Bay Packers 2-1):

Alright, next up we got us them 0 and3 Lions what go a visitin' them 2 and 1 Packers. Well folk, thar ain't much to say here. Them Detroit kitties is almost last in the league in defense, and well heck, I ain't sure they got themselves an offense. Back up QB, Shaun Hill oughtsta change his name to Sam, as in What the Sam Hill is goin' over here with them 5 interceptions? Now, Them Green Bay boys lost last week, and y'all know that they ain't gonna make that 2 in a row. So go with them Packers what will pack up them Lions and make canned spam of them.

Carolina Panthers (0-3) at New Orleans Saints (2-1):

Alright, yonder come them 0 and 3 Panthers vs. them 2 and 1 Saints. Last week, them Saints took a long fall from heaven when they lost to them Falcons on account of that thar botched field goal. So this past week they went and got them a new kicker. QB Drew "call him the breeze" Brees is tryin' to compensate for the runnin' game what's been so dry ... well, put it this way, if the backfield were trees they'd be so dry they'd have bribe some dogs fer some action. Maybe they need more fiber or pruneys in their diet, I don't know. As for them Carolina kitties, well they ain't been the cat's meow in quite a while. QB Matt Moore, fresh from lala land, was benched and QB Jimmy Olsen, uh, I mean Clausen, you know like them dill pickles? Well, thar that Gherkin got him an interception and lost two fumbles last week. "Nothin' could be finer than to be in Caroliner"... except for them Panthers. Go with them Saints!

San Francisco 49ers (0-3) at Atlanta Falcons (2-1):

Ok, it's them 0 and 3 49ers what pay a visit to them 2 and 2 Falcons. Well, it looks like some fans are gettin' their lobster pots out to boil Mike Singletary on account of his team's poor poor pitiful start. Ok, so now them 49ers got them a new offensive coordinator. If y'all ask me, they need a new QB, on account of Alex Smith, with 5 give aways is no San Francisco treat. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Now them Falcons is doin' what they can to improve week by week, and QB Matt Ryan and his backfield have been rackin' up the yardage and them points. So I say, go with them birdies what will run the numbers on them 49ers!

New York Jets (2-1) at Buffalo Bills (0-3):

Alright, now we got us them Jets vs. then 0 and 3 Bills. Look like them hard knockin' metal birdies' playin' has finally caught up with their mouths. After last week's win over my fins, I'd say them Jets will wanting be a wanting to turn on the afterburners and take the division lead. QB Mark Sanchez (smile pretty) played well enough last week to earn my respect, even though Chad Henne, not Penny, played better. Meanwhile them Bills finally benched QB Trent Edwards and finally let Ryan Fitzpatrick take his shot, what fared somewhat better last week, even though they still lost to them Patriots. Will this be the week them Bills turn it around? Will that youngin' C.J. Spiller get him the runs? Well folks, I'd like to see that happen, but I think them Jets have reached cruisin' altitude and, well, their auto-pilot will drop a heavy load on them Buffalo BIlls, what are lookin' more like Duck Bills, if ya ask me. Go with them Jets what are cleared fer take off.

Denver Broncos (1-2) at Tennessee Titans (2-1):

Ok, now we got us them 1 and 2 Broncos vs. them 2 and 1 Titans. Heck, this here's another easy one. Them Tennessee bluegrass big boys are flyin high form their win over them Giants last week, and them Broncos what oughtsta be bustin' broncos are playin' more like pracin' unicorns. If y'all ain't never ate no horsemeat before, I reckon the price per pound over thar in Denver is droppin' like dead flies. So, get on over thar and get some before it's all gone. Oh, and Denver RB Knowshon was a no show last week, (hehehe) I just had to say that. Go with them Titans what will take the Pabst Blue Ribbon this week!

Seattle Seahawks (2-1) at St. Louis Rams 1-2):

Alright, now we got us them 2 and 1 Seahawks vs them 1 and 2 Rams. I tell y'all what, them "poor " Rams surely made me eat some crow last week by beatin' them Redskins. Surprise, surprise! But the real question is will they do it again this week? Now, I like that thar youngin' QB Sam Bradford what had a good game last week, and will be a wantin' to take advantage of a Seattle defense what are 1 can short of a six-pack on account of they gave up 455 yards last week to them Chargers. Still, I think that them San Diego birdies have got enough in their engine, especially their special teams' engine, to roll over them Rams. QB David Hasselhoff .. uh I mean Matt Hasselback will try to remind us all they got them an offense, too! Hey, I want to give a big salute to that thar Seattle special teamer Leon Washington what had two kickoff returns for touchdowns! 99 yards and them some! Them was things of beauty. I swear, that boy oughtsta be in NASCAR. He can say "hello" to Danica Patrick fer me so I can hear her say, Go Daddy ... and y'all oughtsta go with them Seahawks, too!

Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) at Cleveland Browns (0-3):

(Doo do te do do do) Ok, we're back and it's time to watch where y'all step! Cause accordin' to my observatorials and prognostinationals ..... (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low are them 2 and 1 Bengals what pay their respects to them 0 and 3 Browns. Now them Cincinnati kitties won last week somehow, even though it wasn't purty, but a win is still a win, and they sure did won themselves one. Them Browns found themselves a bit of a runnin' game in RB Peyton Hillis what ran fer like 144 yards last week. Now it looks like ole QB Jake Delhomme will be back up and runnin' after 2 weeks of hobblin' around like that thar little green fellow, Yoda. Ok, so I prognosticate that this is the week them Browns turn it around. It ain't a long-shot, but I think them Cleveland Browns have had enough of gettin' flushed each week. Then I again, I may be wrong.

Indianapolis Colts (2-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2):

Ok, here's another game what y'all don't need a rocket scientist to figure out. It's them 2 and 1 Colts vs. them 1 and 2 Jaguars. Peyton Manning and co. are a gonna get out their Colt 45s and just blow them kitties away, plain and simple. Folks, if y'all like to see one team run up them numbers on another team, this here is the game fer you. It's gonna git as ugly as a possum's behind, and them Jaguars are gonna git neutered! QB David Garrard must be thinkin' to himself "now why on Earth would my team want to go and pick up QB Trent Edwards off them waivers last week? Hmmm...". The short story folks, is ... that them Jaguars take the short bus home from the stadium. And that's all she wrote.

Houston Texans (2-1) at Oakland Raiders (1-2):

Ok, next up is them 2 and 1 Texans vs. them 1 and 2 Raiders. Them Two Steppin' Texans got themselves two left feet last week as they got tripped up by them Dallas Cowboys what roped and rid them hard. The big question is ... will it happen again this week? QB Matt Schaub looked more like that thar investment banker Charles Schwab. Them Raiders played a good game, but that thar kicker, Sebastian Jacuzzie, uh ... Janitorowksi, uh ... well y'all know who I mean! - He missed three field goals and cost them the game! Now last week, I thought fer sure them Texans would win, but I was proven wrong! So, this week I spun me my little pigskin, and it pointed to them Texans again ... even though I got me the heebie jeebies over this one. So go with them Texans, but, as they say in France, Caviar Emptor!

Arizona Cardinals (2-1) at San Diego Chargers (1-2):

Ok, now we got us them 2 and 1 Cardinals vs. them 1 and 2 Chargers. Them Chargers haven't had too much zap this season so far. Maybe it's on account that they're feelin' poorly. They got them some injuries in their backfield, their offensive front line and their linebacker corps. That right, I said corpse! Hey! What about them Arizoney Cardinals? Well they got lucky last week and won on account of that thar Oakland kicker, Jack-o-lantern,,, uh, Jackson...uh, "we got married in Jackson, hotter than a Julius Peppers sprout"...hmm... uh, oh sorry folks ... yeah they won on account of that thar missed field goal. QB Derek Anderson, well, he ain't been too hot as a pepper sprout. In fact, he's got a QB rankin' what is like 4th worst in the league. So this game is gonna be a real snoozer, folks. If y'all ask me, I'd say San Diego QB Phil Rivers, will pull this one out... and zap him some Cardinals. That's right, so go with them Chargers.

Washington Redskins (1-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (2-1):

Alright, and now it's the continuin' adventures of them 2 and 1 Eagles and crazy legs QB Michael Vince (woof woof). This week they play them Redskins what are 1 and 2. Washington QB Donovan McNabb used to play fer them Eagles. Now he plays fer them Redskins. QB Kevin Kolb used to start fer them Eagles, but he got knocked to lala land and Vicks came on and sent everyone to WOW WOW land on account of his spectacular playin'. Last year, both them QBs, Vicks and McNabb played together ... and so did Kevin Kolb ... and uh, ... well it's beginnin' to sound like that thar Abbot and Costello routine, "who's on first and what's on fer supper". The bottom line is this here is a gonna be a good game. A real shootout! But at the end of chow line them Eagles will be flyin' high on account of they got them a better defense. So that's that.

Chicago Bears (3-0) at New York Giants (1-2):

Ok, next up is them is them 3 and 0 Bears vs. them 1 and 2 Giants. I reckon that most folks are surprised that them Bears are still undefeated and that them Giants have only won them one game! If I didn't know better, I'd tell y'all: "folks, don't squirt on my leg, and tell me it's a rainin'!" - just like I sang in my band's album, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny. Chicago QB Jay Cutler has been busier that a cat tryin' to cover his what not on a marble floor, and doin' a fine job of that. Meanwhile, New York QB Eli Mannin' has been playin' "keepin' up with them neighbor Jones" with Brett Geritol Favre, for racin' to see who's got the most interceptions in the league. So I reckon, them turnovers is a gonna be the tell-tale sign for who's goin' home riding' the short bus. Them Chicago special teams have also played well and that thar Devin Hester had a 62-yard punt return for a touchdown! That thar was good! So I say go with them Bears what are gonna knock down them Giants a few more pegs.

New England Patriots (2-1) at Miami Dolphins (2-1):

Alright, It's Monday Night Football! And it's my 2 and 1 Dolphins what play host to them 2 and 1 Patriots. Oh lord, it's another division game fer my fins what lost to them Jets last week. Now Chad Henne, not Penny, played his heart out, God bless him, and most fans agree that the offense kicked it into high gear. But, they still lost to a division rival and got kicked in the pants anyway... and that ain't no fun. In the AFC East, them Dolphins, Patriots and Jets are all tied up. So this is a must win ... fer both teams! Now them Fin's defense has been smokin' except fer last week, when uh, maybe they was smokin' somethin' else. Now them Patriots have been holdin' their own, but it ain't been purty. Their defense ain't been so hot and has been given up them yards like grocery coupons. On offense, QB Tom Brady been holdin' his end up of the eatin' stick, as he usually does, but all in all, I'm gonna have to say: Go with Fins on account of I think their defense will bounce back and their offense will continue to improve. But, folks I got an uneasy feelin' about this game, and I hope I won't be needin' some comfort food to go along with a plate of crow. Go with them Fins!

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, I tell y'all what, Halloweeney is a comin' and I got to get me some pumpkins to make some Janikowskis, uh I mean, Jack O' Lanterns for the Halloween Hootenanny. So I'm hopin' y'all will help me out, especially on account of I done give y'all these picks to win you some cash. So when y'all do, don't ferget me ... and don't ferget that our band has released our CD, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny, like what I told you before! So get on over to I-Tunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby.com or even our website, that thar is www.jugmongers.com, that's jugmongers with a "J", and buy our album or a T-Shirt, or both and show your friends and kin that you support them Jugmongers' arts. And tell all your freinds and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! And don't ferget, if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares with my personal endorsement, well, send me an email. Y'all can find it on my website (or here on my blog). Ok, and now some words of wisdom: Mark Twain, the great American writer, said: "Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." I says ... don't ferget to do right by me ... that's what I just above!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

PS. Ok, here are some good readin' what I recommend fer all y'all what like to know what to think about this that and what not!

Judd Jugmonger's Chicken Pickin' Lowdown - Part 1

2010-09-30T05:31:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all!

Lots of folks and kin keep askin' me what type of music do I got on my mp3 player and in General Lee (that thar was a joke! I meant "generally") what kind of music do I like listenin' to. Well, I like all sorts of music, especially bluegrass and country blues, but I really like the most is what's called chicken pickin' guitar style music, what's played on a Fender Telecaster. That's the style of picken' what was invented by the great James Burton. Here's a video fer all y'all what ain't got no clue:

Now, I reckon lots of y'all know somethin' about Brad Paisely, and well, he plays lots of chicken pickin', too. I'd say he might be one of the best thar is, these days. Here's a video of him doin' his stuff:

Ok. I reckon y'all got the idea now. Thar's lots of chicken pickers out there, and if any of y'all are tryin' learn to chicken pick, like me, y'all will find lots of video lessons on the internet. Here's a young feller what plays like the dickens and offers some lesson as well. His name is Doug Seven and I tend to put his videos on and then do some jaw droppin. Here's one:

After I seen his pickin' I went out and got me some of his music. So this here is one album what I got on my MP3 player:

Ok, another picker what I really like is Matt Rae. He's a wonderful picker and got him a bit of a jazzy sound as well. Here's a chicken pickin' video lesson what he put on the youtube:

He's also got some great music out thar and his album Tele-pathic is my favorite. It don't take a rocket scientist to know that I got it on my mp3. Y'all oughtsta have it, too! Here's a link to it:

Now, one of my favorite chicken pickers is Forrest Lee Jr. and man o' man, I tell y'all what he blows me away everytime... and this video, too! Here's my favorite song of his what I think is just country-fried goodness. Cousin Judith, what is weather intensive likes this video, too:

Here's the album what that thar song comes from. It's called Telethon and I probably play it as much as I play Jerry Reed or Buck Owens! That thar should tell y'all somethin', right thar!

Now speakin' of Buck Owens, he and his band the Buckaroos developed what called the Bakersfield Sound, which ... well I ain't gonna split frog hairs with you folks - y'all can hear some of the basics of chicken pickin' in some of there songs. Here's one:

Now I don't want y'all to be confused none on account of thar is lots of good pickers out thar what can pick the heck out of thier guitars. Here are two of the best there ever was. Chet Atkins and Jerry Reed:

But see, fer chicken pickin' it's best to have a Fender Telecaster. Y'all need that TWANG what ya ain't gonna git with no classical guitar, or even a Gretsch Chet Atkins Country Gentleman or Tennesee Rose guitar! Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Ok, I think in a spell I'm gonna write y'all another post on this topic. Maybe I'll include some links and videos for all y'all what want to learn to chicken pick. Now, if any of y'all out there got some recommendations for me to include, send me an email and let me know!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

-----------------------------
PS. Here's some suggestions fer all y'all what want to lean more about chicken pickin' and guitars in General Lee (Ha! I got y'all again!)

PSS: I reckon y'all know that here is my band's album: Jugmonger: Live At The Hootenanny. Thar ain't much chicken pickin' goin' on in most songs, but if y'all give a listen to "Lectrifried Locomotive" I done my best to come pretty close!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 3

2010-09-26T09:57:00.004-04:00

Howdy Folks & Kin!

It's football season, welcome to week 3 of the NFL regular season. I just updated my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and y'all can also download them episdoes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all y'all what don't like my voice none or prefer a good read in the outhouse, I post the podcast transcripts right here below. Good luck and don't ferget to pull the chain!
-------------------------

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back gettin' y'all fixded up with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where they got some tightends, defensive ends, offensive ends, but no book-ends - unless y'all are Braylon Edward (Book-em' Dano)! Heheh, I'm just joshin' with all y'all Jets fans (laugh) .. not really. Ok, last week I was 10 of 16 and I'm sure had some of y'all rollin' biscuit dough, so let's get on it and get'er done.....

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
Alright, first up we got us them Steelers vs them Buccaneers. I tell y'all what, thar's been lots of yo-ho-hos in Tampa Bay these last two weeks. Meanwhile in Pittsburg, what's been waitin' fer the return of QB Roethlisberg.. uh .. burger. Them Steelers are runnin' out of QBs now that thar Dennis Dixon is out fer 6 weeks he done blown out his knee. Still, I think their defense is pullin' up the slack, and well, are a gonna send them Bucs back to Davy Jones lockers. Now, Tampa Bay QB Josh Freemen ... he's a "Freeborn man", he's knows every inch of that highway .... um ... well, I reckon he's been a holdin' his won. But them Steeler's defense is gonna get a hold of him this week. Go with them Steelers!

New York Giants at Tennessee Titans:
OK, next up is them Giants vs. them Titans. Eli Mannin' and his yankees got took to the water shed by big brother Peyton and company last week. He'll be lookin' for redemption this week but I think QB Vince Young, what's gonna start fer them Titans, will be wantin' to show them coaches and fans that he's the man. Also, I reckon his backfield buster, Chris Johnson will be doin' less cloggin' this week and a whole lot more runnin'. So I says go with them big boys! Keep your eyes on that thar Tennessee Two.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings:
Oh boy! Yonder come them Lions to face them 0 and 3 Vikings. Folks, they say on any given Sunday, any team can win even them underdogs like them Lions. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Now, most folks will be talkin 'bout how them Minnesotey boys will be gettin' their first easy win and that Ole' Brett "pass the Geritol" Favre will finally kick into high gear at home.... uh, that's what they said last week, too when my Fins put the brakes on that idea mighty quick - and Adrian Peteson, too! And this week I do declare that so will Ndukemuh ... uh.. Nadir Donky Kong... uh Mr. Suh is gonna ride them hard and put 'em away wet. Heck, it's a long shot, but them kitties are gonna pull this one out.

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints:
Ok, next up is them Falcons vs. them Saints. Falcons QB Matt Ryan had him a good game last week, and them birdies even got them the runs after losin' their tailbacks awhile back. What about them holy boys? Well, I reckon that even though that thar Reggie Bush is out, Drew "call him the breeze" Brees is a just gonna blow them birdies out of the sky. So someone shout "PULL" and watch your heads as them Falcons come down in a mess of feathers. I'd say they'd be roadkill, folks, but them Saints haven't had much of a runnin' game of late.

Cincinnati Bengals at Carolina Panthers:
Aright, next up is them Bengals vs. them Panthers. It's the kitty cat bowl, folks. Headlines: Bengals blitz the bejesus out of them bumblin' Panthers whose runnin' game is still missin' in action. And that's all she wrote, folks. Go with them Bengals, and watch the kitty litter fly! That thar was easy...

Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots:
(Doo te doo doo doo) Ok, now we got us them Bills vs. them Patriots. Hey folks, them Bills are gonna start Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB! ... Uh, and that won't make a sam hill's difference in this game what's gonna turn ugly fer them Buffalo boys. I tell y'all what, I seen a water buffalo what had been hit in the middle of the road. I reckon this game will be worse! Someone outghsta call 911, even before kickoff!

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens:
Ok, this next game is an interestin' one on account we got some big names. Still, accordin' to my observatorials and prognostinationals ..... (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low are them Browns, of course, and them Ravens. What's that you say? Them Ravens don't belong in no stinker bowl on account of they got them receivers Anankin Skywalker .. uh Anquan Boldin and T.J. Whomacallits and uh, QB Joe Flacco the whacko. Still, they lost last week and play them Brown this week, so that's all they need to qualify. Browns QB Ole Jake Delhomme is still feelin' poorly on account of his sprained ankle, but whether he plays or not, them birdies' defense is startin' to pickup. So I reckon, them Browns will get flushed. Pull that chain... (toilet flush).

San Francisco 49ers at Kansas City Chiefs:
Alright, now we got us them 0 and 2 49ers what go to visit them 2 and 0 Chiefs. That's right folks, I know that sounds nether region backwards but that what it is. Who's the better team here, folks? QBs Alex Smith (SF) vs. Matt Casell (KC)? It seems to me Smith has had the razor's edge the last couple of weeks. Them Kansas City BBQ boys are next to last in the league on offense while them 49ers are 4th best in the league at defense. It don't take no rocket scientist to figure out who's gonna ride the short bus home from the stadium this week. Go with them 49ers ... they're the San Francisco treat!

Dallas Cowboys at Houston Texans:
Ok, we're back and next up is them Cowboys vs them Texans. "Well I'm a long tall Texan, I wear a ten-gallon hat" ... but only one of them teams will be handed their hats after the game is over. Dallas QB Tony Romo ate some dirt last week and his backfield has taken a backseat to no where. Meanwhile, them Houston boys have put up like almost 900 yards on offense and 64 points. I think y'all know where I'm headed on this one folks ... and them Cowboys is headed fer the last corral and the bye week at 0 and 3. Do you smell a new head coach on the horizon? "Yes I'm a long tall Texan, I enforce justice for them revenuers"... oh, sorry, Hoss.

Philadelphia Eagles at Jacksonville Jaguars:
Alright, now we got us them Eagles vs. them Jaguars. As Jerry Reed sang, "when you're hot, you're, when you're not, you're not". Now y'all know that QB Michael Vick (woof woof) has been hot. So hot he done won the startin' job away from Kevin Kolb one day after that thar coach Andy Reid said, it ain't gonna happen. Jaguars' QB David Garrard was the "when you're not, you're not" last week. So go with them birdies and their runnin' game (woof woof).

Washington Redskins at St. Louis Rams:
(Doo te doo doo doo) Ok, next up we gotta us them "poor" Rams what play host to them Redskins. Folks, this here is like the Stinker Bowl part 2. Them Redskins have been smokn' the peace pipe a bit too much on account of they is dead last in the runs so far, and them Rams, well they sure no how to step aside when someone come's a runnin'. Y'all also have to figure that Washington QB Donovan McNabb threw for like 426 yards and was 28 of 38. Rams youngin' QB Sam Bradford threw fer 2 TDs last week. He's makin' progress.... but it won't be enough to catch McNabb. Go with them Redskins!

Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos:
Ok, let's see, we got us them Colts vs. the Broncos. Heck, not much to say here folks. Ole Peyton mannin' should make mince meat fricassee out of them Bronco's secondary what are out to lunch, and them Denver folks are mournin' the loss of one of their players. Them horsies also don't go much of a runnin' game goin'... they sure is no bustin' broncos, so go with them Colts, folks. That was quick.

Oakland Raiders at Arizona Cardinals:
Alright, next up is them Raiders what go a callin' on them Arizoney Cardinals. Ok, them Oakland boys are startin' QB Bruce Gradkowski (remember him?) over Jason Cambell what, it turns out, loves to eat dirt. Now, Gradkowski won them the game last week, so I reckon they oughtsta stick with what works. Meanwhile, RB Darren McFadden has found his legs again and got him the runs. Them Cardinals ain't been so good against the runs... and eatin' more fiber ain't gonna do it. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Lots of folks are pickin' them birdies to rebound from the beatin' they took last week. But I think them Raiders are startin' to turn things around and will have then birdies flyin' in circles.

San Diego Chargers at Seattle Seahawks:
Ok, here's an interestin' game folks (laughs) heck I'm just joshin' with you folks. It's them Chargers vs. them Seahawks what went sqawk last week. If them San Diego boys can get them the runs this week it would balance out their defense what got them 4 interceptions and 2 fumble recoveries last week. I reckon I don't need to spin me my little pigskin on this one. Go with them Charger what will zap them birdies. And here's a tip folks, watch out for that thar Golden Tate, and I don't mean Larry Tate nor them Golden Taters neither! And hey, and don't ferget they got them about that thar Tim Tebow, what's doin' the bench warmin', the best he can!

New York Jets at Miami Dolphins:
Alright, it's the game of the week, folks! I tell y'all what, this here's gonna be a good game - with lots of side stories, too! Story 1: Former Fin Ole Jason "Twinkle Toes" Taylor plays his old pals, what I suspect he still loves more than his new team what he always hated. Story 2: Jets WR Braylon Edwards is tryin' hard at becomin' the Lindsay Lohan of the NFL. He's been drivin' the porcelain bus these days, though I suspect he kept his drawers on. Story 3: Mark "pretty boy" Sanchez out played Tom Brady last week. Story 4: The fins defense intercepted Ole Brett Favre 3 times last week and stuffed RB Adrian Peterson when it counted. Now, you know I love me my Dolphins and ... well that's all there is to say about that. Them Jets are a goin' after them, but I reckon, their defense will hold up and Chad Henne, not Penny, will team up with Brandon Marshall and give RBs Run Ricky Run Williams and Ronnie Brown some down time. So go with them Fns!

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears:
Ok, it's Monday Night Football and this one might just be a classic. Both these teams are 2 and 0 and lookin' to make it 3. Now some folks are stickin' to their guns by sayin' them Green Bay boys are Super Bowl contenders, and I don't disagree with that neither. But I think Jay Cutler and them grizzlies are awful hungry to show the world they ain't know Winnie the Pooh! Them Packers need to deal with Julius Peppersteaks .. uh .. Peppers, but by the same wooden nickel, them Chicago boys need to stop Clay Mathews from huntin' fer QB bear. It's gonna be a good game! I spun me my little pigskin on this one, folks, and well, it pointed to them ... Bears. And I agree, but this one could go either way, but not neither way.

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, I tell y'all what folks, Cousin Justin has got our bands CD, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny, on permanent rotation here at the Katywonkered Cafe'. It's a hit in these parts, and I'm sure it will be a hit in your parts, too. So get on over to I-Tunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby.com or even our website, http://www.jugmongers.com/, that's jugmongers with a "J", buy our album and show your friends and kin just how musically savvy you are. And tell all your freinds and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same. Shucks, that's thar is the least y'all can do after I done gave you all these picks to help y'all out!

And don't ferget, if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares, and get rich, well, send me an email. Y'all can find it on my website (or here on my blog). Ok, until next week, happy tail gatin' and don't ferget, every day above ground is a good one!

-------------------------
PS. Fer all y'all what want some good outhouse readin', here's some books I recommend:

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 2

2010-09-18T19:54:00.000-04:00

Well Howdy Folks & Kin!

It's football season, so I started up my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and you can also download them episdoes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all those what don't like my voice none, I usually put the transcript from the podcast here on my blog. Y'all can find that below, so quit your belly achin'.

-------------------------

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back a rarin' to go with my picks fer week 2 of the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where randy means RESPECT and a tight end might get y'all a sexual harassment scandal, and don't y'all know it! So y'all mind your sweat peas and q-tips Alright, last week there was lots of ugly wins and even some blowouts, so this week I'm here again to help y'all out with my prognosticatin' powers that be. So let's get'er done. Here we go...

Sunday Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans:
Ok, first up we got use them Steelers at them Titans. Both of these teams won last week, so the they'll be wantin' to keep that savory taste alive. Now that that rushin' titan Chris Johnson got him 100 yard game and is hungry for another one. Meanwhile, over thar in Pittsburgh they're still a waitin' fer their QB Ben Roethlinger .. uh I mean, Pittsberger ... no, uh Roethlisberger to git out of the leagues dog pound. So this week there's a gonna be a Tennessee Stomp compliments of them big fellers.

Sunday Philadelphia Eagles at Detroit Lions:
Ok, next up is them Eagles vs. them Lions. Alright, I tell y'all what, lots of folks are gonna be watchin' this here game on account of Michael Vicks crazy legs what ran fer 105 yards after takin' over from Kevin Kolb, after he got knocked way over yonder into LALA land. Vicks is a gonna play again this week, but that thar Eagles coach says "thar ain't no QB controversy"... that's right, and hash browns are oil free, too... duh, no they ain't! What about them boys from Detroit? Well, what about them? Folks, I hate to say it, but I reckon if they played roadkill, they'd still lose! Look fer Michael Vicks to show the world he ain't no B fiddler .. that thar's B fer backup, not beagle. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! (woof woof!)

Sunday Baltimore Ravens at Cincinnati Bengals:
Alright, now we got us them Ravens vs. them Bengals. Them birdies sure did a defensive number against them Jets last week but their offense can still use a bitof that thar ACME bird seed. They need to run with that pigskin not just peck at it. Now them tigers from Cincinnati are still lickin' their wounds from bein' run over by them Patriots last week, so they need to get them some cat-nip to get them jumpy and pouncy this week! So who's gonna win? Them Ravens sure know how to win ugly... but I think this week they're just gonna have the ugly part. Go with them Bengals! Here kity kity...

Sunday Arizona Cardinals at Atlanta Falcons:
Ok, now it's them Arizoney Cardinals vs. them Atlanty Falcons. It's a bird fight! Feathers will be flyin' in this ... well, birdie bowl. Last week, them Cardinals flopped around, but finally won against them "poor Rams". Them Falcons didn't do much better with them losin' in overtime. Still, I think they could do better and will this week, so I ain't gonna call this game the stinker bowl. I like to think we'll have a winner, but these birdies might just tie ... and I said tie not fly!! Hey! Where's PZ? Step it up son and help your team get a won ... um I mean win.

Sunday Miami Dolphins at Minnesota Vikings:
Alright, now we got us my Dolphins vs. Brett Favre and them Vikings. Well, my fins done me proud last week. It wasn't purty, but they got the job done and win is a win is win, and they sure did won themselves one. Meanwhile most folks think that thar mean old man over thar, Brett Favre will be konkin' some Dolphin noggins with some of his Geritol bottles. I tell y'all what, I just don't see it happenin' that way. I think them Miami boys' defense is a gonna make fish food of them Viking's offense, and Chad Henne, not Penny, are gonna git his backfield movin' and his receivers doin the end zone dance. I'm tellin' y'all go with them Fins, and you'll be eatin' quarter pounders tonight!

Sunday Kansas City Chiefs at Cleveland Browns:
Ok, now we got us them Chiefs vs. them Browns. I'll be honest folks, I'm not sure what to say about this here game. Them Chiefs won last week, but it wasn't purty. Them Browns played in the stinker bowl last week, and got flushed. It's QBs Delhomme vs Cassel... and I don't mean Howard Cosell. So fer prognosticatin' this game, I just spun me my little pigskin, and well, it pointed to them Chiefs, and I agree. I think them Kansas City BBQ boys are a wantin' to show the world that they is no sqaws. Meanwhile, I think Delhomme should be callin' Brett Favre to send him some Geritol stash. Go with them Chiefs!

Sunday Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers:
Nest up is them Bucaneers vs. them Panthers. Now, I tell y'all what, them cats needed to git them the runs last week, but instead they were, well, all knotted up, if you know what I mean. Sounds like a good time fer some of ole' Doc Pooters Nether Lax to jump start this here backfield. Meanwhile, them Tampa Bay boys, what played in last week's stinker bowl, finally got them some yo-ho-hos! This week though, I reckon it will be back to yo-ho-NO. That thar Doc Pooter's Nether Lax is mighty powerful and it will uncork them Panthers just fine. This week, it's "nothin' could finer than to be in Carolina" ... doo te doo te doo doo ... sponsored by Ole Doc Pooter's Nether Lax, friend to your mornin' constitution.

Sunday Buffalo Bills at Green Bay Packers:
Alright, next it's them Bills vs. them Packers. Attention all passengers the short bus back to Buffalo leaves at the end of regulation play. Not much to say here 'cept pack 'em up boys, don't mind them Bill's offensive line none, cause they ain't got one. Easy win fer them Packers. Doo doo te doo too too

Sunday Chicago Bears at Dallas Cowboys:
Ok, next up we got us them Bears vs. them Cowboys. Followin' last weeks games, lots of folks were left scratchin' their heads over some controversial refereein' calls. Only difference is that Chicago walked away with a victory over them Lions, while them Cowboys walked away, well just scratchin' their butts. They thought they had thar thar game won over them Redskins with a late TD, but them officials, just like them revenuers and your money, took it away on account of a holdin' call. Y'all can bet that Tony Romo is a gonna get goin' early on Sunday, so that don't happen again. I like them Bears, but I think them Dallas boys got themselves somethin' to prove. So go with them Cowboys.

Sunday Seattle Seahawks at Denver Broncos:
Alright, yonder come them Seahawks and them Broncos. Folks, y'all might as well call this the mediocre bowl. Sort of a 6 of one or half a dozen of the other. Last week them Seattle boys won, but it surely wasn't on account of their runnin' game. Them Broncos lost last week on account of they didn't have no passin' game neither. Heck, y'all can argue with this fencepost all you want but I'm gonna say go with them birdies. QB Matt Hasselbeck will figure out how to win, even without a runnin' game. Them Broncos are more like wooden rockin' horses - they ain't goin' nowhere fast. Sorry Hoss.

Sunday St. Louis Rams at Oakland Raiders:
Ok, guess what folks? Based on my observatorials and progrosticational talents, (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low is them, of course, poor Rams and also them Raiders. Well, I tell you folks that there youngin' Sam Bradford started his first game fer them Rams. He went 32 of 55 fer 253 yards and a score. Of course he also gave the ball away 3 times. Live and learn, folks. Meanwhile, that thar Raiders QB Jason Campbell soup, uh, I mean Campbell.... just like Glen Campbell and that thar Wichita lineman what's still on the line ... and uh, where was I? Oh yeah, Campbell ate lots of dirt last week, on account of them Oakland boys don't got them no offensive line. On the other paw, both teams were able to run the ball some. So who's it gonna be? Well surprise, surprise, I'm gonna say to go with them poor Rams on account of that thar Sam Bradford is a gonna turn a few heads this week.

Sunday Jacksonville Jaguars at San Diego Chargers:
Alright, next up is them Jaguars vs. them Chargers. I reckon them Chargers are a gonna try to do what they couldn't do last week, and that's win. Now, them Jaguars ain't so bad. They got them a good defense and even run the ball some, and don't ferget they done won last week. Still, I reckon they is no match fer them Chargers and QB Phil Rivers. Hey! What about that thar Tim Tebow? Well, Jacksonville starter David Garrard got him what like 3 touchdowns and 170 yards. Tim Tebow, well, he done run for 2 yards and had 0 yards passin'. Hmmm.... that's all she wrote about that.

Sunday Houston Texans at Washington Redskins:
Ok, now we got us them Texans and them Redskins. This here is a gonna be a good game! Them Texans are lookin' to do the Texas two-step all over them injuns. That thar Houston RB, Arian Foster, run fer 231 yards last week. And, them defense beat up on Peyton Manning some, as well. The Washington boys won, too ... but well on account of that thar holdin' call against them Cowboys. It ain't a matchup against QBs Matt Shaub and Donovan McNabb, neither. It's just smashmouth football at it's best, and that's what them Texans are doin'. Go with Houston! Houston, thar ain't no problem here.

Sunday New England Patriots at New York Jets:
Hey, yonder comes the circus! It's cat calls and calls fer respect. After the game, Randy Moss said "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, why y'all media folks is a dissin' me?". That's right! Meanwhile Tom Brady and Wes Welker were like two goats in a pepper patch. They was on fire as they buried them Bengals last week. If it's one thing we learned from them Hard Knocks New Yorkers last week, it's that a cat call don't mean "Here kitty kitty". That's right. I reckon y'all heard about that thar Mexican TV reporter and "bonita señorita", Inés Sainz, what don't look like no saint to me, claimed she was the victim of mucho sexual harrasment by them Jets. She was a waitin' to interview pretty boy Mark Sanchez (smile purty!), in his what not in the locker room. Well the team owner apologized and that's that, I reckon, and at the end of the day, them Jets still lost... and I got a hankerin' fer a burito! Folks, Tom Brady will not be denied, so go with them Patriots.

Sunday New York Giants at Indianapolis Colts:
Alright, next up comes the Peyton Bowl! It's Eli Mannin' and his Giants vs. Big Brother Peyton and his Colts. Them Indianapolis boys got squashed last week by Texan RB Arian Foster. Peyton threw fer 433 yards and 3 touchdowns... and his team still lost. Meanwhile, them New Yorker's defense played well against the run, even though young Eli had his ups and downs. I'm gonna go with big brother Peyton on this one on account of I expect a different defensive effort from them Colts. I might be wrong, and this here is one them good games y'all might just have to flip your wooden nickels on.

Monday New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers:
Ok, it's Monday night football featurin' them Saints and them 49ers. Folk's thar's not much to say hear. It's the NFL's best, vs. one of them worsts. That's right. It's Superbowl MVP Drew "call him the breeze" Brees, vs. Alex Smith .... um... and well that's about it. Them 49ers got them the short end of the schedule stick. Them Saints will ride them hard and put 'em away wet. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. They'll needs lots of duct tape to put them 49ers back together again after this here game.

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, I tell you what, if y'all like real cornbread, corndogs and corn on the cob, y'all better get out and download my band's record. That's right! It's Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny and y'all can do right by me by gettin' from I-Tunes, Amazon, CDbaby.com or even our website, http://www.jugmongers.com/, that's jugmongers with a "J". Need I remind y'all that thar is the least y'all can do after I done gave you all these picks to git y'all rollin in some dough! And tell all your freinds and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same. By the way if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares, well, send me an email. Y'all can find it on my webite ( or here on my blog).

Ok, until next week, happy tail gatin' and don't ferget, life ain't worth lvin', if y'all ain't livin'. I said that!

----------------------
PS. Fer all y'all what want some good outhouse readin', here's some books I recommend: