Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 3

Howdy Folks and Kin, 

It's week 3 of the NFL regular season, and I'm here at the Katywonkered Cafe' writin' up my picks for y'all to win y'all some dough so that y'all can do right by me. That's right! What comes around oughsta go around, too. Just like them them chickens and then eggs, or somethin'. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Ok, so let's get'er done! Here is my picks:

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-2) 

I tell y'all what there here is a cat fight! Them Jaguars are gonna start youngin' QB Blaine Garret who is a hopin' not go through what that there Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton is a goin' through. Cam is workin' harder than a peg leg in an ass-kickin' contest, but he's still endin' up with the short end of the stick in terms of winnin'. I prognosticate that this here be the week what he gets to beat up some on them kitties from Jacksonville. So go with them Panthers for their first week of the season, and watch the fur fly!

Detroit Lions (2-0) at Minnesota Vikings (0-2) 

Ok, this here is an easy game to call. Them Detroit kitties are on a roll, and I don't mean the dinner roll. But if they was to eat a dinner roll it would be like a Vikings and baloney sandwich. There ain't much good to say right now 'bout Vikings' QB Donovan NcNabb 'cept that he ain't playin' for the Miami Dolphins. I prognosticate that here will be another week what he gets to drive the short bus home from the stadium. So, growl with them Lions! 

San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) 

Ok, this here is a hard game to pick on account of both teams got them some youngin' Qbs what are playin' well. I had to spin me my little pigskin some and it pointed to them Bengals, and I agree. Heck, y'all might as well give the edge to the home team this week. I tell y'all what though, I sure like that there Bengals QB Andy Dalton. He sure plays with lots of spirit. So I say growl with them Bengals!

Miami Dolphins (0-2) at Cleveland Browns (1-1) 

All right, it's a cryin' shame what my Miami Dolphins are 0 and 2 comin' into this here game. It's a bigger cryin' shame that this game almost qualifies for the stinker bowl! That's right! The pressure is on for Dolphin's QB Chadd Henne and youngin' RB Daniel Thomas to go all smash mouth against' them Browns. That there Thomas was a breath of fresh air last week in his 100-yard plus debut, especially after our defense left a sour smell on the field once again last week. Meanwhile, them Browns do got them a decent defense, and a youngin' QB Colt McCoy what got him a fancy name … but that's about it. So I say go with them Dolphins! Come on boys, if y'all don't bring home a victory this week it's gonna get ugly. How ugly? Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road!

New England Patriots (2-0) at Buffalo Bills (2-0) 

Ok, now we got us an interestin' game. Them Bills ar flyin' high after a 2 and 0 start! This week y'all are gonna see what happens when Patriots' QB Tom Brady tries to make road kill out of them Bills. I tell y'all what, call me crazy but I think this here is a gonna be an upset as I prognosticate that QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and them Bills tell Pats' coach Bill 'cheatin' Belichek' “Sorry, hoss! We don't need no your bull!” So go with them Bills!

New York Giants (1-1) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) 

Ok, last week Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof ' Vick ate him some dirt and took a trip to lala land. If he's ready and rarin' to go at game time, then this game in his hands. I just don't see them Giants doin' anything more than prayin' real hard that Vick stays on the sideline. So go with them Eagles! (woof woof).

Denver Broncos (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1) 

Heck, y'all have to wonder what's goin' on with Broncos' RB Chris Johnson? Where is that boy at? 77 yards? What the heck is that? Them Titans' QB Matt Hasselbeck surely ain't no second comin' of Brett “geritol' Favre but he did manage to throw for 358 yards last week against them Ravens. On the other hand, Denver QB Kyle 'I ain't gonna play for them Dolphins' Orton did manage to pull out a win last week against them Bengals. All in all, I have to go with them big boys in this one. Until them Broncos can get their runnin' game goin' it's gonna be a hit and miss. If Orton drop the load this week, y'all are gonna hear shouts for Tim Tebow again! Go with them Titans!

Houston Texans (2-0) at New Orleans Saints (1-1) 

Houston coach Wade Phillips is on a roll with his new team so far. Looks like the road is a gonna get bumpy this week though. Saint's QB Drew 'call him the breeze' Brees at home? Shucks, this game is a no brainer! Go with them Saints!

New York Jets (2-0) at Oakland Raiders (1-1) 

Ok, I think there's lots of folks what are sayin' that them Raiders are a gonna win on account they dropped their games and their pants to them Bills last week. Only problem is their defense, especially against the run this year, are the ones still holdin' their bloomers drawers down around their ankles. I prognosticate that Jet's QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez will get the deed done this week, without too much effort. Go with them Jets, folks!

Baltimore Ravens (1-1) at St. Louis Rams (0-2) 

It seems to me them Rams are lookin' worse than a hound what puked and ate it. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko is gonna give them a 2^nd helpin' this week. Fly with them Ravens, on account of them Rams just suck, and that there is all there is to say 'bout that!

Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) at San Diego Chargers (1-1) 

Warning! Losers ahead! That's right it's time for this week's editions of the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl! When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them Chiefs and them Chargers. Here's all y'all need to know folks: San Diego QB Phil Rivers: 4 touchdowns, 4 interceptions and 713 yards. Chiefs QB Mat Cassel got him 1 touchdown, 4 interceptions and 252 yards. For them Chiefs it gets uglier too on account of they had to out down Pro Bowl RB Jamaal Charles. Folks, that's all she wrote in this stinker. It don't take a rocket scientist to know y'all need to go with them Chargers!

Atlanta Falcons (1-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) 

Folks, I tell y'all what, I'm havin' a hard time pickin' this here game on account of I don't see too much difference between these two teams. Them Buccaneers are a sentimental favorite of mine, especially on account of them sexy cheerleaders what they all got over there what make me feel all randy and whatnot. On paper though I reckon them Atlanta birdies are a better team. Still, I'm gonna go with them Buccaneers since they're playin' at home and all. So I prognosticate some yo-ho-ho for them Buccaneers!

Arizona Cardinals (1-1) at Seahawks (0-2) 

Folks, I tell y'all what, this here game is like the next best thing to the Stinker Bowl. In fact, I'd say that if it weren't for Cardinals QB Kevin Kolb, this game would be the Stinker Bowl of the week. I reckon he'll give us somethin' to watch for at least half the game and hopefuly he'll do enough to overcome his defense what is lookin' sorrier than a horse steppn' into the glue factory. As for them Seahawks, the only thign they got goin' for them is that them Cardinal's defense is one can short of six pack. So I say fly with them Cardinals in this stinker!

Green Bay Packers (2-0) at Chicago Bears (1-1) 

Ok, it's blow out time, folks! Don't confuse Packers QB Aaron Rodgers for Bears QB Jay 'six sacks' Cutler. Neither team has shown much a runnin' game, so this game will come down to the better arm what Rodgers got. So go with them Packers what will send them bear-cubs packin', and cryin' for their mommas.

Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-2) 

Heck, it looks like them Colts is the team what everyone is lookin' to beat up on on account of QB Peyton Manning is still feelin' poorly, and them Steelers are no different. Steelers' QB Ben Roethlisberger is gonna put on a good show and is a gonna end up happier than a fat tick on skinny dog … or horse in this case. Go with them Steelers!

Washington Redskins (2-0) at Dallas Cowboys (1-1) 

Ok, it's Monday night football and it's cowboys and indians. Folks, this here is gonna be a good game! We got us Dallas QB Tony Romo and Washington QB Rex Grossman. Now Tony Romo might be feelin' poorly, and if them Redskins' offensive line can protect Grossman from 'sack king' DeMarcus Ware then they got them a chance of pullin' this one out. So I tell y'all what, I'm gonna give the edge to them Redskins, but only if Tony Romo ain't playin' with busted ribs.

Ok folks, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell you what, October is just around the bed. Y'all know what that means? It means it's time to start puttin' some presents and whatnot on 'layaway' for them holidays. That's right! So it's time to dig deep into all those winnings y'all are gonna get from them picks what I just gave y'all, and do right by me! And don't forget, tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! Heck at least y'all can pick up one of our 'Jugmongers Candy Corn T-Shirts'. The come in lots of colors and will surely make an impression at any Halloween Hootenanny, y'all are fixin' to go to. 

All right, so this here os Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: Folks, It ain't never no sin to get BBQ sauce on your chin!

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Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 2

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I got me my prognostications for week 2 of them NFL games. That means I got all the picks what y'all will need to win y'all some baby back ribs, and to send me some, too! This week some teams are winners and some are losers. For all y'all losers I got some good news: this week for a limited time only (that's what they say over at the Piggly Wiggly) y'all have the chance to even it up! Some of them teams will take that chance, and others, well they just is a gonna end smellin' like ... what Ron Jaworski said last week.

Ok, so here we go with my picks!

Seattle Seahawks (0-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)

Ok first up we got us a pair of losers. I reckon that them Steelers QB Big Ben Roethlisberger is gonna bounce back big time, while them grungy seagulls are still tryin' to fnd their special teams and offense after them 49ers did a number on them last week. I hope them Seahawks keep them feathers numbers for just such occasions. So I say go with them Steelers!

Oakland Raiders (1-0) at Buffalo Bills (1-0)

All right, now we got us them two winners. Now normally I wouldn't say too much 'bout these teams, especially them Bills. Them Bills' QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was hotter than a two dollar pistol last week. If his front line can hold up against them Raiderin' one eyes, well then them Bills have a good chance at winnin' two in a row, and they is at home! So I say go with them Bills, for this week at least.

Arizona Cardinals (1-0) at Washington Redskins (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners. Looks like them red birds need to take a lesson from them Seahawks and keep their feathers numbered too, on account of they are gonna get their feathers more than ruffled by Washington QB Rex Grossman. He's gonna try to do his best Cam Newton impression this week. Go with them Redskins!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) at Minnesota Vikings (0-1)

All right we got us some losers and I tell y'all what, this game could be uglier than a shaved poodle wearin' a zoot suit. Vikings' QB Donovan '39-yards' McNab is sort of playin' like a stuck hog. I'd like to think this was a one-off cow pie he stepped in ... but I think he's gonna get his other foot in the mess this week, too. So I say there's gonna be some yo ho ho this week in Tampa Bay, Go with them Buccaneers!

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0) at New York Jets (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners, at least until Sunday. Them metal birdies sure got lucky last week, and most folks know it. This week they and QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez is a gonna want to take things on their on their own terms to show the world what they is really made of. Can you spell defense? Them Jacksonville kitties are gonna go runnin' for the litter box. Fly with them Jets!

Chicago Bears (1-0) at New Orleans Saints (0-1)

Ok this here is a gonna be a good game. it's Bears' QB Jay Cutler vs. Saints' QB Drew 'call him the Breeze' Brees. As far as I know, it don't take no rocket scientist to know which way the pigskin is gonna roll on this one. Looks like last week's losers are this wee'sk winners, and vice versa. Sorry Bears. Time to pray with them Saints!

Green Bay Packers (1-0) at Carolina Panthers (0-1)

All right now we got another good game here, with more winners and losers! Panthers' youngin' QB Cam Newton vs. Packers' QB Aaron Rodgers. Yes, there's a gonna be an air war. What I ain't so sure about is them Carolina kitties' defense. So I say, 'nothin' can be finer than to be in a Carolina' ... 'cept for them Panthers and their fans. Go with them Packers!

Baltimore Ravens (1-0) at Tennessee Titans (0-1)

Ok last week them Ravens picked all the meat off them Steelers' bones. This week it's easy pickings, too. Them Tennessee big boys are gonna lie down for them birdies. Ravens' QB Joe Flacco gets to go wacko all he wants and will hand the keys over to this weeks' short bus driver Titans QB Matt Hasselbeck. Folks, fly with them Ravens.

Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) at Detroit Lions (1-0)

Ok, last week them Chiefs got caught with their pants down. This week they go on over yonder to Detroit whats offense is all revved up. I sure hope them Indians don't forget to bring their defense. I reckon that Lions' QB Matt Stafford is gonna gonna be hotter than a goat's butt on a pepper patch, and don't forget DT Ndamukong Suh! So I say roar with them Lions!

Cleveland Browns (0-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-1)

Warning! Losers ahead! Time for the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week! That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them Browns and them Colts. What's that you say? Them Colts? That's right. Peyton Manning still got him a pain in the neck, so that's that. Them Browns don't got much of a runnin' game and youngin' QB Colt McCoy ain't done enough to make up for it. Folks, I had to spin me my little pigskin for this game and it pointed to them Browns, what hopefully won't get flushed this week. Ok, so go with them Browns in this sinfully ugly game.

Dallas Cowboys (0-1) at San Francisco 49ers (1-0)

Ok, last week them Cowgirls were so ugly they could've knocked a mess of flies off a wagon of whatnot (translation: what Ron Jaworski said last week). Know what I mean, I think y'all do! Most folks are hopin' that QB Tony Romo will get busy this week and show 49ers' QB Alex Smith how to get'er done. Hey Dolfans! Remember Ted Ginn? Look what that youngin' did last week! 268 combined return yards and two touchdowns. Lord, I'm sure he did his family proud. All I got to say is what Ron Jaworski said last week. Anyway I should go with them Cowboys and Tony Romo but I got a feelin' that this week is a gonna be a repeat of last week. So I say go with the 49ers!

Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) at Denver Broncos (0-1)

All right. This week we got us six of one and half a dozen of the other. I can't tell the difference between these two teams. If them Broncos turn over the ball like they did last week, it's gonna be a long day. All them Dolfans what were callin' for a trade for QB Kyle Orton are lookin' like they is one can short of a six-pack. Meanwhile them Bengals came from behind last week and took home the Pabst Blue Ribbon. This week QB Andy Dalton is lookin' to return from his ills. I think he's gonna given them a 2nd win, even if it kills him. So go with them Bengals!

San Diego Chargers (1-0) at New England Patriots (1-0)

Ok, now we got us some winners and an air war. Pats QB Tom Brady vs. Chargers' QB Phil Rivers. Folk's if y'all like to see a good runnin' and rushin' game ... this ain't the one, unless cheatin' Bill Belicheck pulls a fast one. At the end of the day only one of them QBs is gonna end up playin' catch up. The team with the most errors loses. I say go with them Patriots in what most folks think is the game of the week!

Houston Texans (1-0) at Miami Dolphins (0-1)

Ok Dolfans, here we go. All I had to say 'bout last week's loss to them Pats I done said in my last post. So this week hope springs anew ... I hope! If our secondary get them a mess of cramps again, I'm gonna pitch me a fit! This here is a must-win game for us. The good news is our top draft pick, RB Daniel Thomas, will play this week, so finally get to see what RB Reggie Bush and him look like in the backfield together. The bad news is that Chargers' RB Arian Foster will be back too this week, and if our defense don't show up again, we're gonna be tuna meat. This one's a nail biter folks! I'm lookin' for QB Chad Henne to step up and show us his performance last week was no fluke. Folks, as much as most folks think I'm wrong, I'm still gonna go with my Fins! Swim with them Dolphins!

Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) at Atlanta Falcons (0-1)

All right, now we got us a bird fight. Eagles QB Michael (woof woof) Vick vs. Falcons QB Matt Ryan. Nothin' to see here folks, just move a long and watch Vick's game highlights on Monday morning. I prognosticate that Vick will go down to his old home and make them Falcons eat crow. Lots of emotion in this game folks, so get ready for the tears. Go with them Eagles!

St. Louis Rams (0-1) at New York Giants (0-1)

Ok, we wrap on Monday night with some losers. Both teams are feelin' poorly after their losses last week. Both teams are lookin' like zombies hankerin' for a hospital bed. Rams QB Sam Bradford has got a chance to make the difference, but I prognosticate that Giants' QB Eli Manning will do the same. This here is another game I had to spin me my little pigskin, and it pointed to them Rams, and I agree. I think them Giants' defense is just too banged up to put up much of a fight. So go with them Rams!

Ok, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks! Now, I tell you all what, as far as I can tell none of y'all sent me any money last week from all y'alls winnings. How in the heck am I supposed to stay on that there South Beach Diet if I ain't got no money to eat all that protein like ribs and chicken? This week, y'all can do the right thing and keep me healthy! So don't forget me, especially after I just gave y'all them winnin' picks.  Oh, and tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

Ok. so this here is a starvin' Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: A rose always comes up smellin' like a rose ... unless it fell into a pile of ... what Ron Jaworski said.

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Cramps And Bubbles

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I tell y'all what, they say that every dark cloud has a silver linin'. If you ask me, I say that every silver linin' has a dark cloud. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! Last night our MIami Dolphins started the regular season by losin' to them England Patroits. I feel worse than a hound dog what puked and then ate it.

I was hopin' for a much better showin' by our team, and I especially had an eye out for 'Check Down' Hangin' Chad The Robot Henne. Now, I'll be the first to admit that we fans have been mighty hard on that yougin', but done brought the outhouse done on him by givin' away 'pick sixes' to opposin' teams and other such what not. Thankfully, I think Chad has got his nuts and bolts and Ps and Qs on straight so far this year. Last night I think he did the best could, and I'll be the first to admit he done this team proud. As long as he keeps rippin' off 20 yards checks and keeps throwin' the ball on target and without thinkin' 'bout it, then that's better than snuff and ain't half as dusty.

On the other hand, them defensive boys were lookin uglier than a wart on a toad's butt. In fact, I heard our corner backs, Davis and Smith, got cramps! Cramps?!! There ain't no cramps in professional football! And wheres in tarnation where our safeties?

If you ask me, it's time to pop that practice field bubble! Our home team advantage was always the blazin' sum and humidity. I remember in the glory days, when some of them Northern teams would get so tuckered out they looked liked a droopy pair of drawers on a skinny hound dog. I remember the day them Yankees were just passin' out from our climatical conditions. Today, it's us what is waddlin' around with exhaustion, and to boot our team is askin' the NFL to get away from 1:00pm kickoffs! It's a cryin' a shame! Where did all the 'real football players' go? Might as well forget pads and jsut wear some of them Armani suits to practice! Time to BURST THAT BUBBLE and get us some wins!

By the way, can somone tell me where in the heck did our runnin' game go? I was happy we resigned that there big feller Larry Johnson, but all I saw was Reggie Bush gettin' runnin' into lot's of folks behinds. We need some us balance on offense, and we need it quick ... otherwise we might as well start handin' out some Butt Paste to some of our players!

As for them Tom 'cheatin' Belichick and them Patriot, well, it don't take no rocket scientist to know that cream always rises to the top. Still, our defense looked like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Talk about bein' one can short of a six-pack!

Oh yeah, I also want to mention somethin' 'bout all the, holier than thou types are as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rocking chairs on account of former QB turned announcer Ron 'Jaws' Jaworski said 'shit' on TV. Folks, if we can say 'scat' back, we can certianly say 'shit'. Tell them censors they don't know jack shit 'bout shit if they be so worried 'bout that sort of shit. Now what I mean? I think y'all do!

Now I know it's only the 1st week, and well let's be honest we did play against Tom Brady what just never gets his feathers ruffled. Lord knows he's tougher than a one eared alley cat in heat. I hope Chad Henne was watchin' on accout of he can a thing or two ... eventhough he did right by me last night.

Better luck next week boys! Anyways as always, Go Fins!

Links:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451b26169e2014e8b845341970d
http://miamiherald.typepad.com/dolphins_in_depth/2011/09/patriots-put-cramp-in-the-dolphins-home-weather-advantage.html

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-tony-sparano-transcript-20110912,0,5209698.story

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2011 - Week 1

Well Howdy Folks and Kin!

This here is Judd Jugmonger and rarin' to go with my picks for them NFL regular season games! I hope all y'all's teams do well this here year, but as them immortal folks say, what keep losin' their heads and what not, in the end there can only be one! So who's it a gonna be? I like to think it's my Miami Dolphins, the greatest football team, but I ain't so sure. I'll talk about that later on account of they play Monday night.

As usual, I'm sittin' here live at the Katywonkered Cafe', what's like the Starbucks in these here parts, 'cept they ain't got no Frappuccino or Mococciino or any other sorts of 'chino' what ain't spelled right. But cousins Justin and Janey what own the Katywonkered Cafe' make a mean iced coffee and they don't mind if I l spike it some with some Baileys. Also, they got them some wireless internet and got lots of beef jerky layin' around to chew on. So that sits might fine with me!

Ok, let's get on with them picks on account of it's been a long off season what we weren't even sure there would be no football season at all on account of them greedy team owners! Anyway, here we go!

New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers

First up we got us them holy boys from New Orleans vs. them defendin' Super Bowl champions from Green Bay. It's an air war folks what features quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Drew 'call him the breeze' Brees. At the then end day this here comes down to whose got more tools in the shed, and as far as I suspect, its a gonna be them Green Bay boys. So go with them Packers! I did. Heck, I ain't started off too bad this year!

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

Ok, next up got us them Pittsburgh metal heads vs. them Baltimore birdies what say 'nevermore'. This here is a gonna be a good game! Now, them Steelers surely did a number against the run last year, in fact they was number 1. But that don't matter none on account of this game is a gonna come down to Ravens' QB Joe Flacco the wacko. I tell y'all what he's a gonna try to make up fer the fact that he ain't done much whackin' last years, and he sure is gonna try to stand up to Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger who's gonna be as busy as a cat coverin' his crap on marble floor tryin' to figure what to do with the ball. I may be wrong, but I say go with them Ravens!

Atlanta Falcons at Chicago Bears

All right, next up we got us them birdies from Atlanta what go over to Chicago to play them Bears. Folks, if y'all like smash-mouth football with lots of runnin' and lots of run stoppin' this here is one game for you. I reckon them Falcons have put their money where their mouth is buy shorin' up their run defense. Meanwhile, I just don't see them Bears have done much to improve their defense and are just a countin' on QB Jay Cutler to get the job done. Sorry folks, but the only thing I Cutler doin' is drivin' the short bus home form the stadium this week! I don't care much for them 'Care Bears' so I say roll with them Falcons!

Bengals at Browns

Ok, next up we got us a hoe-down show-down in Ohio. It's them kitties from Cincinnati vs. them Cleveland Browns. We got us Bengal's QB Andy Dalton startin' his first NFL game! Most folks hopin' for him to win this game are probably rootin' for 'Hail Mary' of sorts. As for me, I say go with Browns' QB Colt McCoy what's got a him a way better name and what's also got him a leg up on Dalton by one year … and I reckon he knows what to do with that leg up. Know what I mean ? I think y'all do. So I say go with them Browns … and let the 'rain' fall!

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

Ok, next up we got us them horses from Indianapolis vs, them long tall Texans from Houston. Colt's QB Peyton Manning is still feelin' poorly, so them Colts are waddlin' around like chicken with his head cut off. It don't matter none whether it's Kerry Collins or JohnKerry or even Kerry Marie what's gonna step up to the plate. It jut ain't gonna happen folks. Meanwhile, Texans QB Matt Schaub is a gonna show 'em how its done and get'er done. So go with them Texans, what I suspect might have break out year.

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

All right, that brings to us the wind breakin' Stinker Bowl of the week! That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and get your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them big good ole' boys from Tennessee and them kitties from Jacksonville, way up there in the North. Folks, this here is another game what's gonna leave people scratchin' their heads tryin' to figure out where the QB is. If y'all remember 'WoodStrock' in Miami way back when, then y'all know the tune. Let's see, for them Jaguars we got us Luke McCown, Blaine Gabbert and startin' QB David Garrard ... no, hold on, Garrard is road kill now as of this week. If you ask me, coach Jack Del Rio is actin' like Vanessa Del Rio for kickin' Garrard's butt off the team a few days before the regular season kicks off. Meanwhile over there in Tennessee they still got them Matt Hasselbeck and Chris Johnson. Ok, Chris Johnson ain't a QB, but that don't make a hoo-ha none. He's all what's gonna count in this here game. I think them Jaguars will pick up steam later in the season, but out of the gate they won't know a rabbit from a hotdog. So I says go with them Titans!

Buffalo Bills at Kansas City Chiefs

Ok, next up we got us the herd from Buffalo vs. them Indians from Kansas City. QB Matt Cassel is feelin' poorly, but he's a gonna play anyway. And, he's also got RB Jamaal Charles to give him a hand off to. As for them Bills, well Ryan Fitzpatrick is a gonna … well, I reckon he's gonna try and … uh … oh shoot, folks. Go with them Chiefs. It ain't gonna be no barn burner, but I reckon them Chiefs are gonna get enough camp fire goin' to toast them some Buffalo marshmallow butt. Go with them Chiefs!

Philadelphia Eagles at St. Louis Rams

All right, next up we got us them birdies from Philadelphia vs. QB Sam Bradford and his herd from St. Louis. I'll be honest folks, I still can't pronounce Coach 'Spagnoula' without trippin' on the word spatula. But I think he's done enough to get his team to stop from trippin' around like what they did some years ago. Only problem is he's comin' up against Eagles QB Michael 'woof woof' Vick, what was hotter than a beer boiled hot dog last year (woof woof). Also, them Eagles secondary ain't gonna allow Bradford much room to go deep. I think this here is a gonna be a good game, but at the end day I think them birdies will fly high and Micheal Vick will take him some pot shots at them Rams. Fly with them Eagles! (woof woof).

Detroit Lions at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ok, next up we got us them kitties from Detroit vs. them swashbucklers from Tampa Bay. It's hard to pick this game when my eyes keeps wanderin' over them Buccaneers cheerleaders. Only names that comes to mind is Detroit's DT Ndamukong Suh and QB Matt Stafford, and maybe that's all what needs to be said about this here game. So I reckon there ain't gonna be much 'yo ho ho' in Tampa Bay this week. Roar with them Lions!

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

All right, now we got us them kitties from Carolina vs. them birdies from Arizona. Ok, them Panthers are gonna start youngin' QB Cam Newton what's is as green as goober what ain't been boiled yet. The Cardinal have traded up for QB Kevin Kolb. I tell you what folks, I had to spin me my little pigskin what ended up up pointin' to them red birdies, and I agree. I reckon that youngin' Newton is gonna show us more than a fig newton or Newton's apple … but only down the road! Go with them Cardinals.

Minnesota Vikings at San Diego Chargers

Ok, next up we got them hard hats from Minnesota vs. them bolts from San Diego. I reckon McNabb is a hopin' he's a gonna nab him this game with the help of RB Adrian Peterson. Only thing is that there Minnesota defense has gotten lots of bad press. Most folks think them Chargers are gonna start hot this year … but I just don't buy into it none. I think them Vikings are gonna surprise some this week by droppin' Thor's hammer on them Chargers. So I say go with them Vikings, who are hankerin' for some respect.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers

All right, next we got us the, birdies from Seattle vs. the numbers from San Francisco. Folks this game is like settin' your watersmoker on medium heat. It's Seahawk's QB Tarvaris Jackson vs. 49er's QB Alex Smith. I says who cares. If new 49ers' new coach Jim Harbaugh can light a fire under Smith's butt, they got them a chance. So I say go with them 49ers …. just because. Lord know there ain't no sense to something sometimes.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

Ok, next up we got us them big boys from New York vs. them indians from Washington. This here is another hard game to pick on account of I don't think neither has got them a real battle plan for the year. Them Redskins are startin' QB Rex Grosmman (who?) and them Giant's are startin' QB Eli Manning (yes I know). Them Giants' defense got themselves pretty beat up on defense in the last few weeks, but still if y'all don't think young Eli can outplay the competition then y'all are one can short of a six-pack, and that's the truth. Go with them Giants!

Dallas Cowboys at New York Jets

All right, net up we got us them cowpokes from Dallas vs. them super-sonics from New York. OK, it's Dallas QB Tony Romo vs. Jets' QB Mark 'smile pretty' Sanchez. The short end on the eatin' stick says that Romo is a gonna eat some dirt this week on account of the Cowboys offensive line full of youngin's. Sanchez will take the opportunity and make use of Plaxico 'I done shot me in the foot' Burress who lookin' to show the world he's next Michael Vick (woof woof). So I says fly with them Jets!

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

It's Monday night football and we got us them Cheatin' Bill Belichick's New England Patriots vs. my Miami Dolphins. I reckon' most folks think this here game is a no-brainer on account of Tom Brady and Wes Walker are comin' to town. But I tell y'all what they sure is gonna surprised by my Fins what are gonna show the world a brand new offense. Of course, we still got us QB 'check down' Chad Henne what's been doin' better these days, though I hope he 'don't drop the other foot' with some gosh darn giveway pick-sixes. I prognosticate that there's gonna be an upset and lots of folks are gonna be real upset. So go with them Dolphins!

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

Ok, next up we got us them one-eyes from Oakland vs. them horses from Denver. Both them teams ain't hardly taken the shrink wrap of their new coaches. This game is a snoozer, and not just because it's on so late in the night! The bottom line is them Broncos' defense will make the difference in the end. In the pre-season, them Raiders looked more like browsers, if y'all ask me. So go with them Broncos! Hey! Where's Tim Tebow?

All right! That's it's for me folks. That there is my picks! Now, I tell y'all what I ain't gonna do a podcast this year on account of them bankers and revenuers done sent a repo man after my studio equipment! But if any of y'all nice folks want send me some 3-digit donations, or can help get me some sponsored ads, well then I'll see what I can do and I would be might obliged. So far satellite radio ain't come a callin', so for now that's all I have to say about that. Look for the donation link over yonder in the right. Start off the regular season off right by not forgettin' me when y'all rake in that dough what with them picks what I just gave y'all! And tell all your friends and kin to do the same!

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: if y'all want to be sittin' pretty high in the cotton, like Denver QB Kyle Orton what snubbed them Fins in an almost trade this summer, y'all gots to rise above them thorns!

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