Thursday, August 4, 2011

Pigskin And Fish Fiesta: Preseason Dolphins Report

Howdy Folks And Kin!

Well Hallelujah! NFL football is back, and so am I! That's right, I'm rarin' to go with my picks fer the regular season, which y'all can read about right here weekly on this. Meanwhile, until the regular season of up and runnin' I'm gonna be nice enough to give y'all some Miami Dolphins updates because that's what gets my 'ya-yas' goin'!

Ok, it's been a long off season, what with the NFL lockout and all, and I'll be honest with y'all there were times when I wasn't so sure there was gonna be any gridiron play at all! But bless my pigskin and butter my biscuit, if we don't we got us a season starin' us in the face, and even some pre-season games to boot! So I'm happier than a skinny tick on a fat hound these days!

Now as most of y'all know, I am a lifelong Dolfan, goin' way back to even before that thar Perfect Season, glory be! It's been a long long Superbowl-less drought for us fans what want to see our Fins winnin' the big game and that thar Pabst Blue Ribbon, to boot! Each season, we put our hopes up on high, but by the end of the season, them hopes are doin' the Baton Death March. But, here we go again, gluttons fer punishment I think, and what sours my mash is that we still ain't got us no 'franchise' quarterback!

Now over the last week, there's been lots of 'this n' that' goin' round 'bout our quarterback situation … again. There was lots of talk over the lockout 'bout us signin' folks like Vince Young, Carson Palmer, Kyle Orton, or even Marc Bulger. Heck, I even heard some folks down at the Katy Wonkered Cafe' sayin' we should gt us Brett "Geritol" Favre!
Chad Henne

Now even a one-eyed newt can see that them Fins, and this includes yours truly, don't want no part of no QB Chad Henne. Nevertheless, here we are once again for the second year in a row starting the pre-season with Henne (not Penny) penciled in as the starter on top of the depth roster. We also keep hearin' owner Stephen 'Orange Carpet' Ross talkin' 'bout how much confidence he has in Chad, and how much respect he's got for general mangler Jeff Ireland, what can't play QB neither.

For a few days, it seemed liked we was a gonna git Orton, but as of now that ain't a done deal. It seems like some folks in them Fin's organization just can't get'er done. That's right, looks like Ireland is too busy playin' chicken with them Denver Bronco's management., or thinkin' about how he let former 'Fins QB lookin' to be new Redskins startin' QB John Beck' go. Anyway y'all shake and bake it, we end up with the same fer now; once again, we the fans are denied of our high hopes for a Super Bowl win this season.

Now as I said I understand that the Orton deal ain't toes up yet, but if ya ask me, I think that thar saucer has been washed, blown, dried and put away in the pantry. Meanwhile, it's been 'Hello Kitty', look what the cat done dragged in. Ireland has gone and signed QB Matt Moore, what was a back up them Carolina Panthers. Of course the question is 'why' and the answer, as always is to provide some competition fer Chad Henne. Folks, I say if it looks like a third stringer, acts like a third stringer, and quacks like a third stringer, it ain't no startin' quarterback. So, I don't rightly know what the Fins management is thinkin'.

Newsflash: Hold on to your drawers, folks, I just heard on the news that Chad Henne got booed today at the practice scrimmage. In fact, not only did he get booed, but some ornery folks were callin' fer Kyle Orton! Now I ain't gonna say that them fans is always right, but in this case I think this here is a no brainer. Thar ain't no need to get all emotional about this folks, because the way I see it this here is a numbers games. And, well, that's the problem. This Chad is hangin' in the wind on account of he keeps hittin' opposin' defenses in the numbers!

Now yesterday, cousin Justin asked me what I thought of Kyle Orton. I told him that I got me a good feelin' 'bout this feller and I surely would like to see him suit up as a Dolphin against them Patriots in the opening games. I don't think he's the second comin' of Dan Marino none, but I sure think he's got a few more notches up the experience belt than Chad Henne does. I also think he's got more smarts to get the job done. And, if we got u a good offensive line, which it lookin' more and more like we will, and some playmakers what can stretch the field, then we got us a chance.

Speakin' of stretchin', own own WR diva Brandon Marshall has been stretchin' his jaws again. Looks like he wants to be the poster boy fer bi-polar disorder … which by the way ain't got nothin' to do with where he wants to put his 'what not'. Of course, even if it did, that thar would be his own business, as long as he get it's done in the field where his mind, hands, and legs should be at ... and other body parts, too. Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

The other big news in Dolphins camp these days is the return of Jason Taylor. Now I'll tell y'all what, I know that there's lots of fans what like that thar JT, and are as happy as pigs in a blanket that he's a comin' back. Butt folks, I'll be honest in tellin' y'all that re-signin' that twinkie toes just don't sit right by me, and here's why: You see, I reckon that bringing JT and his dancin' shoes back is just a marketin' ploy by Mr. Orange Carpet himself, Stephen Ross. Sure, it's a popular move with them fans what would like to see JT retire a Miami Dolphin. Well folks, it seems to me that lots of fans ain't got their priorities screwed on straight!

What we need is players what will help us win, AND get us to the big game, which is somethin' JT ain't never done. Now surely, he's a fine player and all … or at least was, and I do got lots of respect fer the job he did when he was here way back when ... not the last time, but the time before. But again, he ain't never brought us no Super Bowl, so I say it's time we went out and got us some youngin's what can. So don't get me wrong, I like JT. And, if he was brought in only to add some depth to the roster, well that's fine and dandy. Butt, I don't want to hear no foolishness 'bout his leadership skills, on account of he never lead us to no Super Bowl in the past. Last I looked, our 'sack attack' Cameron Wake was doin' just fine, and he certainly ain't no John Travolta.

Meanwhile, thar's another JT in the mix what it also a linebacker, and he's Jason Trusnick, what played with them 'take me to the Stinker Bowl' Cleveland Browns. I don't know what skill set he brings to the supper table, but as long as he can at least kick some butt on special teams, that thar is good. So far, his claim to fame was that we was traded from the Jets to the Browns as part of the Braylon Edwards deal, so that don't say much.

Ok, so a in all, it looks like our defense is lookin' good, like it did last year. Now our offense s got to follow suit … and when I say suit, I don't mean the 'birthday' suit! So here's what I know about what's goin' on on that side of the field: There's been a fair share of comin's and goin's. Wildcat RB Ronnie Brown has gone off to play for them birdies from Philly. I'm gonna miss him some. Last I seen we still got us Run Ricky Run Williams as a free agent, and we also picked up another Heisman Trophy winner RB, Reggie Bush! Yes, he's getting' on in years, but maybe a few swigs of some ole' Brett Favre's Geritol might do him some good. Also, to get him juiced up some, he can drive on over to Hallandale and pick him up some prune juice. Whether he's a still a threat in the backfield remains to be seen, but at least them opposin' defenses will either take “hey, look at that thar, that's Reggie Bush!” I also thinkin' that pairin' him up with our new second draft choice, Daniel Thomas, is a good deal. Teach that youngin some smarts. I say!

For the offensive line, I also hear we signed us tackle Marc Columbo from them Chicago Bears what is also getting' up there in years, but ain't the one what used to wear a white coat, asked lots of questions and what died a few weeks back, rest his soul. This Columbo was first round pick way back when, so I reckon he's gonna shore up the front line along with Mike Pouncey and Vernon Carey, what's goin' back to play guard.

Well, that's all I got fer y'all today regardin' them FINS. So I say "GO FINS!".

On the personal level and in Jugmonger country thar ain't much goin' on. My sweety deety, Jolene, has gone back to visit her folks up thar in Gulf Breeze, like what she does most summers. I sure do miss her though, but I don't blame her none. They got them a 'Golden Corral' up thar what's got some wonderful cafeteria style eatin'. They also got them a Zaxby's what's got some fantabulous chicken. By the way, t thar was a non-paid endorsement of them food establishments, but if any y'all work there, do the right thing and them owners to throw me a bone … or a rib … or even a wing! That would be nice, and I would thank you kindly fer doin' so.

Well that's it fer me folks! And now some words of wisdom: "Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders, but mostly from the neck up." Knute Rocknie said that, not me ... even though I just did as y'all can plainly see above.

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