Summer's here and as usual in these parts it's hot! Now, I tell y'all what, I'm like the rest of you what have been keepin' your eyes out fer some real NFL football news or fer some tropical storm action in the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. I got my duct tape rarin' to go and I suspect y'all have done the same. But so far, we ain't heard squat about no NFL and no 'canes! And, since most folks are doin' the best they can to get on with life I thought I'd make things easy by postin' the followin' news update to help y'all out. Y'all can thank you me later. Ok, here goes:
Alright, fer all you all pollyanna's out thar what are hopeful, y'all can check back on this page as many times as you like. Keep clickin' "Refresh" on your menu above and eventually somethin' will come to pass, as it says in the 'Good Book'. I'm sure of it on account of there's more money to be made fer them owners and players doin' what they is supposed to be doin' than what there is to be lost by not doin' what it is they is supposed to be doin'! Know what I mean? I think y'all do!
Meanwhile, addin' insult to injury I heard some rumors that them NFL folks are thinkin' about puttin' on an 8 game season! A gosh dang !!$#@$% 8 GAME SEASON! And, they is talkin' 'bout not startin' til November! What the heck is wrong with these people? Ain't we skint enough? If that's the best them NFL folks what are sittin' in some pretty high cotton can offer us poor fans, then I say, "Mr Commisioner, my cow up and died on me, so I don't need you bull!"
Fer the life of me, I just can't wrap my noggin' 'round this one folks. What the heck do they need 5-weeks fer free-agency fer? It takes about 5 minutes flat for me and some of my kin to choose sides fer a pick up game of football? I choose you, you choose him and let's get on with the game. Well folks, it's sad to say it, but them owners and players are more interested in the money and wranglin' 'round in legalese than the sancitity of the game. I reckon they need time to get their ducks in row in terms of TV deals and sponsors, as well. It's pitiful, that's what it is. It's shameful and a disgrace to all them giant legends of football what played when we were youngins.
Folks, I said it before: I’m so hungry fer NFL football, especially to see my FINS play, that I’m fartin’ cobwebs over here. I feel like I been drug through a knot hole ass backwards and beat over the head with buzzard guts. I know it's still technically the off-season, but us fans need somethin' a lot more sturdy to hold onto than the followin' news bits:
- What tom fool is a gonna sign 34-years old former WR Plaxico Buress, what shot himself in the foot, has been in the lock up sine I don't know when, and hasn't played football since 2008.
- How many players are gettin' arrested these days.
- What team is a gonna pull its pants down for that thar HBO Hard Knocks TV show.
- Why NY Jet's pretty boy Mark Sanchez played better in the off season than the regular season.
- Talk of how all them players what were on injured reserved or on the practice squads are gonna come back this years and kick some butt (yawn).
- Which teams, yes I said teams - that thar is the plural - Randy Moss is a gonna play for and git pouty with.
- Where former Ohio State Buckeye's coach and quarterback are gonna flip burgers at!
All the best, - Judd Jugmonger
Here's some readin' fer y'all to bide your time with this summer: