Tuesday, March 8, 2011

NFL Owners Need To Own Up To The Fans!

Howdy Folks and Kin,

I tell y'all what, I'm just pullin' my hairs out about this here situation with the NFL labor dispute. It's bad enough the NFL season's ended and we ain't go no games to watch. But addin' insult to injuries is the fact that we may not get us no more football fer awhile on account of them players and owners are still squabblin' 'bout what do with money what they ain't even earned yet, but got their sights on anyway.

Now if y'all are like me, then I reckon y'all are probably as angry as a bear what got its head stuck in an outhouse hole. Y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout here, folks. Both them owners and players, what got a heck of a lot more than just a fancy pot to piss in, are lookin' out fer their own interests - and what they is interested in is not us fans or our game day experience.

Both sides got their demands on how to slice up that thar 'green' apple pie, and they is doin' their best to tell the other side to go and argue with a fencepost. In the mean time, until they get what they want, they is holdin' next season's games hostage and rufflin' the feathers of good fans. It's a cryin' shame and an insult to the glory of the game ... and the gridiron, too!

If y'all ask me, I'd say it's them owners, what have done gone and got Yankee rich over the years, that oughtsta be tar and feathered fer carryin' on the way they do. None of them seem to have the good sense God promised a billy goat on a good day! They done and grown their business so much, they is a wantin' more cash just to keep their Titanics from sinkin'... and when I say Titanics, I mean them new stadiums... not their teams.

That's right. The way I see it is that this here is all about them owners wantin' to build them some bigger stadiums. I just don't see why? I heard of lots of teams what can't even fill the ones they already got! Heck, if them Dolphins' Sun Life Stadium was any quieter on game day, I could swear y'all could hear a corndog drop. 

And, y'all can bet your flask that whenever them owners get them an itch to build a new stadium, they is a gonna ask them revenuers for some of our tax money, anyway! And, fer what? So that they can charge regular folks more money fer lousy seats and higher priced junk to eat, while a few rich 'pop-tarts', 'gangstas' and revenuers can ignore the game from their fancy 'highfalutin' sky boxes ... complete with indoor plumbin'! So I just don't see the point in what them owners want ... and to be honest, I'm sure most of y'all don't neither.

Now, it ain't no secret that I like cash. I reckon we all do! The problem with them owners is that they love our cash a bit too much and want to be usin' it instead of their own. So, it ain't got no nothin' to do with them not makin' no money in the traditional sense. Anyways, bigger stadiums don't make fer no better teams, it only makes fer more blackouts on the TV. It also makes fer some other problems like monster parkin' lots I tend to get lost in.

Most folks I know what don't even put more than $5 of gas in their jalopies at a time, will run out of gas before they even find their parkin' spaces to get geared up fer their tailgatin' party. Y'all know what else? On a hot day in Florida, even when y'all get to your parkin' space, y'all will need 2 pairs of flip-flops to make it to the stadium as you try to cross them blasted paved asphalt deserts. Trust me, that thar first pair is a gonna melt down faster than a peanut butter and nanner' sandwich in a fryin' pan.

Another problem with them bigger stadiums has got to do with the environment. Askin' a 100,000 fans to drive to the stadium means an increase of greenhouse gases. That thar is a lot of carbon dioxide! That's right, and I ain't even talkin' 'bout the increase of methane, too! Y'all can blame them cows all y'all want, but you and I both know the truth! Know what I mean? I think y'all do!

In a logical world, smaller stadiums means more butts on them seats and more support fer the home team. Heck, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that when them Miami Dolphins done achieved that thar perfect season in '72, the 12th man on the field was them fans in the old Orange Bowl with their white hankies a wavin' proudly. Of course, the 13th, 14th and some other men were probably still standin' on line to the outhouse -but that thar is another story.

I don't understand a few things. Them owners keep sayin' they is losin' their shirts in the NFL business ... but they don't want to open their bank books up and prove it to them players what are wearin' more gold and silver than most countries need to balance their budgets with. What I do know, however, is that them owners get them TV Networks to pay them a zillion dollars fer the rights to broadcast them local NFL games ... and then they threaten us local fans with TV blackouts if enough of us don't come to fork over our paycheck to come to them home games.

Folks, ain't y'all sick of tired of them rich types tryin' to ask fer our more money just so that they can grow more of their own? Ain't y'all sick of them revenuers kissin' the butts of them stadium owners instead of the folks what voted them into public office? I say the time is now to send a message to them NFL owners that we fans are sick and tired of it all... and if things keep up, well then, there's a gonna be a revolution ... even if it means watchin' them UFL games!

I know it's the off-season anyway. but I tell y'all what, in all my born days I was never so hungry fer NFL football that I'm startin' to fart cobwebs! Y'all heard me right! I keep hearin' 'bout some collective bargainin' agreement (CBA) or somethin' or another what needs to be worked out. So come on down from that cotton y'all are sittin' might high in and 'get'er done! It's the least y'all can do fer us fans. 

All the best, 
- Judd Jugmonger

While we all wait fer the next CBA deadline to get postponed, here's some good readin' I recommend them owners read, too:

Broken Dreams: Vanity, Greed and the Souring of British Football  Own Goal!: How Corruption, Egotism and Greed is Destroying Football  Loser Takes All: Bud Adams, Bad Football, & Big Business  Downsize This! Random Threats from an Unarmed American 

Sports, Jobs, and Taxes: The Economic Impact of Sports Teams and Stadiums  The Water Boy: From the Sidelines to the Owner's Box: Inside the CFL, the XFL, and the NFL  When Pride Still Mattered : A Life Of Vince Lombardi  First Down, Houston: The Birth of an NFL Franchise