Sunday, October 10, 2010

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 5

Howdy Folks and Kin! It's week 5 of the NFL season and I just updated my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and y'all can also download them episodes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all y'all what don't like my voice none, I post the podcast transcripts right here below. Good luck and don't ferget me when y'all all that pizza dough!

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, and hey, I'm here once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' to get y'all fixed up with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where the difference between a dollar bill and them Buffalo Bills is that you can still get 4 quarters out of one of them! Now, this week, we still got us some unbeaten teams and some teams what's just been beat up plain and simple, so let's get on it and get'er done...

New York Giants (2-2) at Houston Texans (3-1):
Ok folks, first up we got us them even Giants and them 3 and 1 Texans. This here is gonna be a good game! Maybe even the game of the week! Talk about smash mouth football! Now I tell y'all what, them Giants have been vexin' me every gosh durn week... and last week their defense did the same to them Bears with 10, count them 10 sacks! Can y'all spell THUD? Question is can they do it to Houston QB Matt Schaub this week? Meanwhile, them Texan's defense have been doin' the Texas 2-step to opposin' backfields. They is number 2 against the run in the league, so I reckon that thar pigskin is gonna see some airtime this week, compliments of Eli Manning, especially on account of the fact that thar Texan's pass rush is dead last in the league. Folks, I'd like to say go with them Giants, on account of I'm tired of them makin' me eat crow... but I won't. So stick with them Texans on this one, on account of RB Arian Foster, what I suspect is gonna have a big day!

St. Louis Rams (2-2) at Detroit Lions (0-4):
Alright now we got us them even Rams and them winless Lions. Folks, them Rams have been in the roundhouse turnin' it around, and that thar youngin' QB Sam Bradford has been earnin' his fat paycheck, so I ain't gonna call this no Stinker Bowl, and I ain't even gonna say "Poor Rams" this week... even though I just did. Hey! What can I say about them Lions what like to turnover that thar pigskin like a fried egg and flapjacks? Not much ... so file this one under a St. Louis win. Go with them Rams!

Green Bay Packers (3-1) at Washington Redskins (2-2):
Ok, next up is them 3 and 1 Packers what pay a visit to them 2 and 2 Redskins. Sounds like QB Aaron Rodgers and coach Mike McCarthy have been buttin' heads on the play callin' this past week. Now, them Green Bay boys won last week, but just barely! I'd say they need to sit themselves down with a 6-pack and some relationship counselin' to get them on the same page, before they start a "slip slidin' away, a slip slidin' away " from each other. Oops, sorry folks. Now the way I see it, them Redskins got them the worst pass defense in the league, and that thar QB Donovan, must be the season on the witch, NcNabb played like a bump on a log last week, and he faces them sack lovin' Packers defense this Sunday. So I prognosticate that this week, McNabb will get to say "hello" to Clay Mathews ... from the gound, lookin up.... a lot! Go with them Packers, folks!

Chicago Bears (3-1) at Carolina Panthers (0-4):
Alright, next up we got us them 3 and 1 Bears and them 0 and 4 Panthers. Bears QB Jay Cutler sends his regards from lala land after eatin' heavin' helpin's of gridiron dirt last week. Them Bears gave up an embarrassin' 9 sacks, and had almost as bad a game as my Fins did last week when their special teams stayed home. Now, even back up QB Todd Collins got knocked from the game and surely needed a few Tom Collins to set him right. Now them Panthers got themselves a nasty pass rush, too ... but uh, that's about all they got! So, I'm gonna say go with them Bears, and folks, keep you eyes on Julius Peppersteak, uh, I mean Peppers, what's gonna drop a few hot peppers on them Panthers offense and that thar Carolina Gherkin Jimmie Olsen, uh, I mean Clausen. So unless the ugly fairy comes a courtin' on them Bears again this week, go with Chicago!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) at Cincinnati Bengals (2-2):
(Doo do te do do do) Ok, folks watch where y'all step on account of accordin' to my observatorials and prognostinationals ..... (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low is them 2 and 1 Buccaneers and them 2 and 2 Bengals. Folks, let's be honest here, them Bengals ain't got no offense and them Tampa Bay boys, what had no yo-ho-hos in the by week probably still ain't go no clue neither. That thar Cadillac Williams oughsta change his name to Gremlin or Pinto or maybe just Model-T. I ain't so sure, but I reckon that thar QB Josh Freeman might got him more rushin' yards than that thar Cadillac. Now I reckon, Bengals QB Carson Palmer, what been playin' like Johnny Carson, might be singin' "I Got a Gal In Cincinnati, Got a Woman in San Antone, Said I Always Loved the Girl next Door, but anyplace is Home; I'm a freeborn man.... " and he will be if he don't win this here game. So I say go with them Buccaneers what will make them kitties walk the plank.

Denver Broncos (2-2) at Baltimore Ravens (3-1):
Ok, yonder come them even Broncos to face them 3 and 1 Ravens. I only need one word to speak encyclopedia volumes about this here game and that is Orton, as in Kyle Orton, as in Ravens QB Kyle Orton, what's gonna continue his roll to QB of the year. I tell y'all what, that boy is hotter than a cut-goat in a briar-patch. That's right. Now y'all know that I like that thar Baltimore QB Joe Flacco the whacko, but I just don't see him playin' catch up with Orton. Now to help Orton out, that thar Broncos' backfield needs to get them some runs and someone oughtsta send over a few bars of Ole Doc Pooter's Netherlax to get them goin'.

And hey, will Knowshon still be a no-show? Even if he is I still think, them Broncos are a gonna surprise a few folks this week. Even though most folks are pickin' them birdies to win, I'm go on the 45' record this week and say they is a gonna get trampled by a wild herd. Go with them Broncos and Tim Tebow, just joshin with y'a folks! All y'all Gator fans don't need get all riled up.

Atlanta Falcons (3-1) at Cleveland Browns (1-3):
Alright, next up we got us them 3 and 1 Falcons what play them 1 and 3 Browns. Now folks, last week I picked them Brown to win in that thar Stinker Bowl, and they surely did me proud, so I ain't gonna say nothin' bad about them this week ... 'cept that thar QB Matt Ryan and his Atlanta birdies are gonna dive bomb them browns. Heck, y'all know that's what it is and it is what it is... and that's she all she wrote. So go with them Falcons! Heck, that was easy and so what is I'm gonna do next, and that's get paid!

Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) at Indianapolis Colts (2-2):
Ok, we're back and yonder come them 3 and 0 Chiefs what go a callin' on them 2 and 3 Colts. Now most folks are callin' fer a reversal of fortunes with them Chiefs droppin' a game and them Colts finally comin' back to life. It's QB Matt Cassel, not Howard Cosell vs. Peyton Mannin'. If y'all do it on the papers, it surely looks like them Colts are a gonna win! But I tell ya what, I think it's gonna be the same old, same old story. Them Colts will disappoint this season. If them Chiefs want to get them a win they oughtsta keep the ball on the ground and chew up that thar clock just like my hound dog, just to make sure! That's right, play a bit of keep away with ole Peyton to win the game! Sorry Hoss, but I'm gonna go with them Chiefs to keep their streak alive. It might be a long shot, but I think it's a gonna pay dividends fer some good folks! And when it does, don't ferget me ... ease on down, ease on down the road... hmmm.

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) at Buffalo Bills (0-4):
Alright, now it's them even at 2 Jaguars vs. them "poor" Bills at 0 and 4. Now, I tell y'all what, this could be the Stinker Bowl of the week, part 2, 'cept fer the fact that them Jaguars beat them Colts last week on account that mean old man Josh Scobee what kicked a 59-yard field goal as time run out. That thar was a shocker! So I ain't gonna say not 2 words about no Geritol.. oops, I just did. Anyway, I reckon that all eyes are on them Jaguars to make it 2 in a row. Them Bills have been floppin' around like that thar Donald Duck's bill, and just like that thar watery fowl what got no pants on, them Bills have dropped theirs as well. Folks, if y'all got some dishes to do or some weeds to pull or some beef to smoke, well go ahead and just skip this here game of who's that and what the heck is it. Who's gonna win? Well, I reckon them kitties will pull this one out at the last second, too ... just like last week! So go with them Jaguars!

New Orleans Saints (3-1) at Arizona Cardinals (2-2):
Ok, now here's a game to watch if y'all like to see some blood. It's them 3 and 1 Saints vs. them 2 and 2 Cardinals. I tell you what. This game should be played in the Vatican with all them Saints and Cardinals and only that thar Pope is missin'. But even is he was there, it would take a miracle for them Saints and Drew "call him the breeze" Brees to lose this one! Them birdies are startin' a new QB what's named Max Hall ... as in send him down the hall. That's right, so go with them Saints what will rain heaven and heck on them birdies.

Tennessee Titans (2-2) at Dallas Cowboys (1-2):
Alright, next up is them 2 and 2 Titans vs. them 1 and 3 Cowboys. Them Dallas boys are comin' off a bye week, and oughtsta be well rested and a rarin' to go! Them Titans are still a waitin' for somethin' more from QB Vince Young and RB Chris Johnson what ain't gone "whoosh" right by anyone lately. Them Cowboys got QB Tony Romo and RB Marion Barber, which just haven't been hittin' paydirt like they should, if y'all know what I mean, and I think y'all do. So I just spun me my little pigskin on this one, and it pointed to them Cowboys, and I agree, on account of the only advantage they gots is that they had a nice bye week nap. Go with them Cowboys what will take down them Titans a few pegs legs.

San Diego Chargers (2-2) at Oakland Raiders (1-3):
Alright, now we got us a game! Or at least half a game. Them Chargers blew out them Cardinals last week with a score of 41-10, with 9 turnovers and 3 sacks! Overall, they is like 2nd in the NFL in defense and they're are a hopin' that lightnin' strikes twice and will zap them Raiders this week. I don't see why not. Hey, what about them Oakland fellers? Well the only sacks they might get are them pillow sacks what they can wear over their heads as they take the short bus home from stadium... compliments of them Chargers.

Philadelphia Eagles (2-2) at San Francisco 49ers (0-4):
Ok, now we got us them even at 2 Eagles what "fly like an Eagle" over to them winless 49ers. Ok, folks lets do the hokey pokey, ya take your starter in, you starter out, ya put that thar Michael Vicks in (woof woof) and he runs all about, ya take your Vicks out, ya put your Kolb in and ya shake it all about... you do the hokey pokey... and folk's I'm gettin' "all shook up" (uh, huh, uh). And folks, y'all know that someone needs to get over to Philadelphia and show that thar team how to protect their QBs! Last week I said them Eagles would win on account of Vicks, what I also meant to say was that without Vicks them Eagles would lose and that's what happened. It's nice to be right, ain't it? What about them 49ers? Well, what about them? They is one can short of a 6-pack and playin' as slow as molasses. Not much to chew on thar, folks so go with them Eagles and Kevin Kolb's big comeback.

Minnesota Vikings (1-2) at New York Jets (3-1):
Alright, it's Monday Night Football! And we got us them 1 and 2 Vikings vs. them 3 and 1 Jets. Well, I had to eat me some crow last week again on account of them metal birdies beat my Fins. So I have to give a bit salute to their special teams and especially them Chung and Ninkapoop, uh, I mean Ninkovitch what just played like they was on fire. QB Mark Sanchez (smile purty) is comin' into his own as some prime rib player and this week he gets back Santana, no, uh, Santonio Holmes. Them fins need them Sherlock Holmes to find out where their special teams' heads are at... and some of them already rolled on down the line. Sanchez threw for 12 TDs last year and this year he's already got himself 8. I ain't sure if he's chewin' churos or what, but whatever it is he oughtsta keep it up! Meanwhile, over thar in Minnesota, well, they got them ex-Pats' former Viking Randy Moss to help bust out ole' Brett Geritol Favre from his geriatric funk. Folks, if there's one place ole' Brett don't want to be it's near them New York Jets fans on account of they rode him hard and put him away wet when he played there a way back when. Now I reckon he's a hopin' Randy Moss will save the day! Well, I suspect he'll save some face but not the game. Oh, and it looks like Jets CB Darrelle Revis will play, too! So go with them Jets and smile purty!

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, folks, y'all know I'm a big Fins fan and I told y'all in my Twitter and Facebook updates that fish heads would roll in the bye week after them fins got fried last week on specials teams. Meanwhile, all this bye week, thar's been some what not reports what are sayin' that that thar QB Chad Henne, not Penny, might join CB Sean Smith in the dog house as Coach Sparano starts Chad Pennington... Penny, not Henne! I doubt that will happen folks, but young Chad gotsta learn not to give away the ball so much, like I give y'all give these picks every week. But my picks and his picks are very different! So I'm hopin' y'all will help me out, especially on account of I keep givin' y'all these picks to win you some pizza dough. So don't ferget me ... and hey, don't ferget that our band done released our CD, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny! So get on over to I-Tunes,, or even our website, that thar is, that's jugmongers with a "J", and buy our album or a T-Shirt, or both and show your friends and kin that you support them Jugmongers' arts. And tell all your friends and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

Ok, and don't ferget, if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares with my personal endorsement, well, do like Ole Doc Pooter and the Crock Pot Crockery do and send me an email so I can help y'all out, too! Y'all can find it on my website (or here on my blog). Ok, and now some words of wisdom: Life ain't worth livin' if y'all ain't livin'! Imagine all them people tail gatin' on Sunday.....

PS. For all y'all what want to pay tribue to John Lennon, what would've turned 70 this week, here's some books and music what I recommend!

Power To The People: The HitsImagineAcousticDouble FantasyMind GamesThe Beatles 1

John Lennon: The LifeIn His Own WriteThe U.S. vs. John LennonThe Beatles Complete Chord Songbook (Guitar Chord Songbook)

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