Saturday, September 11, 2010

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 1

Howdy Folks & Kin,

It's football season, so I'm starting up my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and you can also downlaod them in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all those what don't like my voice none, I usually put the transcript from the podcast here on my blog. Y'all can find that below. Enjoy!

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back a rarin' to go with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where at this time of year, week 1 of the regularity season, everyone is equal. Heheh, I'm just joshin' with ya folks! Y'all know their's some winners, losers and outright stinkers ... and it's just a matter of time and tail gatin' parties to see the who's who's. And, I aim to help y'all out with my prognostocatin' here. It's been a long off seaons and pre-seaon, so let's get's on it! Here we go...

Thursday, Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints
Well, we all know what happened in last Thursday night's game. Drew "call him the breeze" Brees and them other Saints did a devilish number on them Minnesota Vikings. I expected as much on account of the fact of them Holy Rollers is still walkin' tall after last year's Super Bowl. Meanwhile, Ole Brett Favre still got some rust and mothballs to shake off just to be able to take a swig of that thar Geritol. I'm sure he'll be ok down the road, and well, we'll see how them purple purple eaters will fair.

Sunday, Atlanta Falcons at Pittsburgh Steelers
Ok, so on to Sunday's games. First up we got them birds from Atlanta vs. them Steelers from what come out of Pittsburgh Well, for them Steelers we got us a QB named Dixon instead of that thar gunslinger Rothslinger... Uh ... Roethlischeeseberger ... uh, y'all know who I mean! For them Falcon's, they got them that youngin' Matt Ryan what got him some turf toe last year but came back on strong fer the last 3 games. Anyways, I reckon this one's a no brainer, folks. Ya see, them Steelers will get the runs and them Falcons will do the Pepto-Bismol, and Matt Ryan will outplay Dennis Dixon... and that's that. Go with them birdies.

Sunday, Carolina Panthers at New York Giants
Alright, next up is them Panthers vs. them Giants. Eli Mannning and company host them kitties at their new stadium. I suspect, they'll need lots of kitty litter cause this one's gonna git ugly fer them visitors. Them giants are gonna declaw them Panthers, and spay and neuter some of them, too. "Nothn' could be finer than to be in Carolina" ... and that's where them Panthers will be headed back ... drivin' the short bus!

Sunday, Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears
Alright, next is up them Lions vs. them Bears... oh my. This game is sort of a toss up, folks. The big question is which team has improved the most since last season. I'd say Detroit got the other hand on account of they drafted well and mainly they got them that thar Nebraska feller, um... Marmaduke ... uh ...Nadam ... uh donky kong ... uh .... that there defensive end ... Mr. Suh. Them bears signed former Panther Julius Peppersteaks .. uh Peppers... so well, I reckon that's thar's good. So, fer this game, I spun me my little pigskin, and, well... it's pointed to ... them Lions, and I agree, so long as them rookie youngin's do their number where they're supposed to.

Sunday, Oakland Raiders at Tennessee Titans
Ok, yonder come them Raiders and them Titans. That Tennessee Two, Vince Young (QB) and Chris Johnson (RB) helped point them Oakland boys in the right direction to close out last season. I suspect, they still got the same compass and know which a ways the winds blows. On the other side of the field, them Raiders have done their best to improve on their defense. But, will it be good enough to stop Chris Johnson? ... I reckon not, but they is a gonna do their best anyways. By the way, them Raiders ain't won a game in Tennessee fer quite a while ... so that's that. Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Sunday, Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans
Alright, now we got us them Colts vs. them Texans. Folks, there here is a gonna be a good game! It's an air war between QBs Peyton Mannning and Matt Schaub. There's a gonna be so much electricity in the air, y'all can throw up some ground chuck and watch it rain done Arby's roast beef sandwiches. So who's a gonna win this here match up? I prognosticate it will be them Colts, on account of I think they got them a runnin' game, too.. so at the end of day, ole Peyton will have a bit more gas in the energy tank than Schaub. And that's all she wrote....

Sunday, Denver Broncos at Jacksonville Jaguars
Ok, next up we got us them Broncos vs. them Jaguars. Hey! Are we gonna git to see Tim Tebow? And a bigger question is ... if he does play, will there by anyone at EverBank Field to see it? Now if this was last season I'd say this was a stinker bowl game on account of both teams sort of, well, stunk up the outhouse with their season endin' performances. This season, well, them Jaguars lost WR Brandon Marshall to them Fins, and they is a bit green on their offense line ... and I don't energy efficient none! Meanwhile, them Jaguars ... well, I just think there's ain't too much to chew on there, folks, and their fair weather fans know it. Most local folks what are comin' to see this game just wanna take a gander at Tim Tebow ... even though I suspect Coach McDaniel's will keep him under wraps ...all fer himself. Go with them Bronco's. It won't be a stampede, though ... more like a pony ride. So, watch where y'all step!

Sunday, Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills
Alright! I'm gonna a do little dance now - dodotedodo - on account of here come my Dolphins what will play against them Bills in Buffalo. No, Lebron James ain't gonna play, but Brandon Marshall will! Dodotedodo! Them Fin's also got them an improved defense, too, compliments of Truly Nolan, uh, I mean Mike Nolan, their new defensive coordinator. Now their offensive line is gonna have to come together a bit more to protect QB Chad Henne, no Penny ... but I suspect they'll do alright on game day, and snap their 7 years losin' streak at Ralph Wilson Stadium. As fer them Bills, well, let' put it this way folks ... they got a new head coach, Chan Gailey, what used to work fer them fins. They also got a first-year defensive coordinator George Edwards, what used to work for them fins, and they just picked up tight end David Martin, what used to play fer them fins. Sounds like they is desperate! Dodotedodo! Go with them fins ... and by the way Run Ricky Run, show CJ Spiller how it's done.

Sunday, Cincinnati Bengals at New England Patriots
Ok, its them Bengals vs, them Patriots. Hmm I wonder how Tom Brady's gonna play carryin' all that cash around what he gots from his new contract? Now he ain't got nothin' to prove, but neither does Bengals QB Carson Palmer. Now, New Englander WR Randy Moss has been feelin' poorly this past week, and Wes Welker is still comin' off that thar ACL tear from last season. So, I don't think them New England boys are runnin' on all cylinders. I think them Bengals' defense can handle them ... and also hand Tom Brady the keys to the short bus to ride home from the stadium this week. So that's that.

Sunday, Cleveland Browns at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Alright folks, I know it's only the 1st game of the season, but based on my observatories and progrosticational talents ,,, (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! This week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low is them Browns, how appropriate, and them Buccaneers. Folks, when the president of your team says they need to git them "an aging veteran" QB to lead the troops, you oughtsta start feelin' like y'all been caught between a hound dog and a fire hydrant. Brett Favre wasn't available, so they fished around in the Geritol well and found Jake Delhomme. Meanwhile over thar in Tampa Bay they got the yo-ho-ho's on account of statistically, the last place team in the NFC South has WON the division the followin' year 6 of 7 times. Folks, If there's somethin' better on the TV ... well, y'all know the drill. I think them Browns might win ... but in this game, everyone's a loser! Sorry boys!

Sunday, Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles
Ok, now it's them Packers vs. them Eagles. Not much to say on this one, folks. All eyes will be on them quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay) and Kevin Kolb (Philadelphia) ... but I suspect most thoughts will be on Brett Favre and Donovan McNabb. Both teams are tryin' hard to save face. Speakin' of face, Rodgers ate a lot of dirt last year, but still finished respectfully. He's got him some good targets, and all and all, thar's some good hope fer this here team. As fer them birdies, well, lots of them are so young they still ain't hatched. So, I'm gonna go with them Packers. Pack 'em up boys and send them birdies home smoked.

Sunday, San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks
Alright, now we got us them 49ers at them Seahawks. More birdie spam in a can folks. Them 49ers got the edge here, I reckon. Even though (RB) Michael Crabtree got him a pain in the neck, I think he's ready to play and so is some of his teammates. Seattle Head Coach Pete Carroll is back in the NFL major leagues, but I think he's got his work cut out thar with that thar team. So go with them 49ers, they is the San Francisco treat!

Sunday, Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams
Hey, it ain't the stinker bowl, folks, even though it's them "poor" Rams playin host to them Arizoney Cardinals. Them Rams got them #1draft pick Sam Bradford (QB) what will try to show his stuff with the big boys sans pampers. That's right. He'll do his best and earn his pay. Them Arizoney birdies, meanwhile, lost Anquan Skywalker ... uh .. I mean Boldin, but they did pickup Joey Porter, ole PZ, on defense, but then again they lost linebacker Karlos Dansby and Pro Bowl defensive back Antrel Rolle to free agency. They even got them a new QB in Dreck Anderson. Folks, lots of comin's and goin's don't make a winner. Still, I think they got enough to give them Rams and youngin' Sam Bradford the horns. Stick it to 'em PZ ... and welcome to the NFL Mr. Bradford!

Sunday, Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins
Ok, folks! It's time to play cowboys and indians. It's them Redskins what play host to them Cowboys, but don't expect their guests to sit nicely fer the peace pipe. Dallas QB Tony Romo is a gonna pick up where he left off last season and show that thar new Washington QB Donovan McNabb how to do the Texas 2-step. Them Dallas boys gots lots of stars and them Redskins got ... well Donovan McNabb. Um, I ain't gonna split frog hairs on this one folks. I reckon them Redskins better git themselves some homeowners insurance, and quick, on account of them Cowboys are gonna ride 'em hard and put 'em away wet.

Monday, Baltimore Ravens at New York Jets
Alright, it's Monday Night Football and we got us a double header, And first up, we got us a mouthful folks; it's Rex Ryan's New York Hard Knocks Jets vs. them Baltimore Ravens. Ok, we got us that thar Raven's QB Joe Flacco the whacko vs. Jets pretty boy Mark Sanchez! Last I looked, Sanchez still got him some white teeth after eatin' lots a dirt last season, but doin' alright all in all. Meanwhile, them Ravens got them receivers Anaquan Skywalker, uh, Boldin and T.J. ... oh .. ... Housemacallits .... um .. Hashish ... uh Houshmanzanita ... no that thar's was Tony Rice's bluegrass album. Hmmm.... well y'all know who I'm talin' about cause he's a good reciever. Also, them Ravens still got RB Ray Rice's. So it's them fellers vs. Rex Ryan's mouth and pretty boy Mark Sanchez's pearly whites! Folks, this beginnin' to sound like a dental floss convention! So, go with them birdies ... not the metal ones.

Monday, San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs
Alright steppin to up to our 2nd Monday Night feature is them Chargers vs. them Chiefs. Now them Chiefs are lookin' a bit like has nots and what nots after losin' some potent rushers and receivers. They still got TE Antonio Gates, though. Now, them Chargers still got them Matt Cassel (QB) and uh .. he is supported by some ... uh other what nots and some rookies, like RB Ryan Mathews. They got some high hopes fer this young feller, and overall I think QB Phil Rivers has got enough talent to get'er done. So I say them Chargers will zap them Chiefs in their own Teepee.

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, I tell you what, I'm as tickled as bunch of pickled eggs on account of this past week saw the release of my band's new record. That's right! It's Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny and y'all can do right by me by getting from I-Tunes, or even our website,, that's jugmongers with a "J". That's the least y'all can do after I done gave you all these picks fer y'all to make some money with. So don't forget about.

Ok, until next week, happy tail gatin' and don't ferget, everyday above ground, is a good one!

PS. Fer all y'all what need some brushin' up on your football IQ, here's some books I recommend:

Sports Illustrated The Football Book Expanded EditionThe Football Coaching Bible (The Coaching Bible Series)The Everything Kids' Football Book: The all-time greats, legendary teams, today's superstars--and tips on playing like a pro (Everything Kids Series)Football For Dummies, (USA Edition)Coaching Football For DummiesThe Complete Idiot's Guide to Football (2nd Edition)Fantasy Football For DummiesGet Your Own Damn Beer, I'm Watching the Game!: A Woman's Guide to Loving Pro FootballStill Perfect! The Untold Story of the 1972 Miami Dolphins

 When the Cheering Stops: Bill Parcells, the 1990 New York Giants, and the Price of GreatnessJohn Madden's Ultimate TailgatingOne Size Doesn't Fit AllThe Tailgating Cookbook: Recipes for the Big Game

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