Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Judd's Burning Questions For The NFL Season

Howdy Folks and Kin,

After a wild performance at a local hootenanny and lots of editin' and mixin' them songs what will be on our "Jugmongers: Live At the Hootenanny" record, I needed to take a few days off to go campin' and to lay around on the beach some. But now I'm back, rested and rarin' fer some pigskin action, so I say to y'all: Happy Football Season! Well almost. Them NFL training camps have started at least. We got some videos on the net with a few first looks of what them players and coaches are up to, as well as lots of footage of them big boys runnin' gassers and hittin' them pads. It's hot out thar, so you can see who is up fer the challenge and who is just up fer tossin' their oatmeal cookies onto the field.

Seems like lots of fans surely do got lots of questions to be answered of course, like is ole' Brett Favre gonna take the field or take his well deserved retirement and a Geritol endorsement deal? I tell y'all what, I think that purple people eater, of late, oughtsta hang them cleats up. Sure, it's hard to turn down 13 million dollars or so, but I think he could easily make that up in endorsements and what not. I'm sure he's still got the heart and arm to play, but I don't know about his legs none. Of course, he might think about ridin' the bench this year as a back up, and helpin' the team to groom his eventual replacement (Tarvaris Jackson). I think he could learn a thing or two from Chad Pennington over thar in Miami and his work with Chad Henne, what I prognosticate is gonna have a kick ass year this season.

Anyway, I hope y'all don't git your drawers in a twist over Brett's decision, cause thar is plenty of time for this soap opry to play out. It don't make a sam hill of a difference to ole' Brett if he's in camp or not, though it might to his team if he don't play. Whoever's gonna fill his well worn cleats could use the reps with them receivers.... and I suspect that's what happenin' anyway. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! Them coaches ain't dummies a waitin' fer their cows to come home.

Meanwhile, I thought I'd share with y'all good folks some other burnin' questions what are bouncin' around in my noggin' as I start takin' notes fer my upcomin' Podcast, Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks what will kick off with them regular season games.

1. Is thar anyone left over thar on them Arizona Cardinals offense what didn't fly the coop? Seein' as thar's still an economic regression goin' on in many parts, how much will they be chargin' them ticket holders fer weekly visits to the Stinker Bowl?

2. How much dirt is Tim Tebow gonna eat over thar in Denver this season? Maybe he oughtsta talk to NY Jets pretty boy Mark Sanchez on how to hit the ground and still come up smilin' pretty fer them photo opportunities?

3. Speakin' of them NY Jets, they came on a might stronger at the end of the year, but this year they is a gonna have to put up with them division rivals, my Miami Dolphins, what got them Brandon Marshall, Karlos Dansby, bad boy Richie Incognito, as well as a few others, least of all Cameron Wake that youngin' sack gobbler. Now, most folks I know are sayin' them Fins are a sure thing contenders this year, so the big question is: Is someone gonna give Mark Sanchez the number of Dolly Parton's plastic surgeon, or what?

4. And, speakin' of them Dolphins, is Brandon Marshall gonna make them Miami Heat fans say Lebron who?

5. Why haven't them Super Bowl champs, the New Orlean Saints come marchin' back into the top rankin's of lots and lots of football analysts? Is they is or is they ain't our darlin's no more? How about that thar Dree "call him the breeze" Brees? Is he going to rest on his laurels?

6. Can BP (redcoats!) sponsor the gas money for all the short buses what will be needed to drive home them Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Rams, and Buffalo Bills on a weekly basis?

7. When was the last time any of y'all heard anythin' about them New England Patriots? Have they gone back to Boston, or are they in some football rehab like that thar youngin' Lindsay Logan? I ain't heard nary one thang about them, so I reckon that since they got a hall monitor on Bill Belicheck, lots of his personnel have jumped ship.

8. Are any of y'all gonna watch any of them UFL games? Do y'all even know what the UFL is? I'm fixin' to do an article in a few days on that thar UFL, heck I might even do a special edition podcast fer them. They sure got them a good team in Florida (them Tuskers) what went 6-0 before losin' the big one. Them Las Vegas Locomotives (4-2) won the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Hey! How bout that thar CFL, eh? La peau de porc dedans sur la table! Look that up in your Babel Fish, why don'tcha?

Well that's it fer my burnin' NFL football questions what gits me thinkin' when I'm sittin' in that thar outhouse. Meanwhile, I'm goin' off to do some eatin', I recommend y'all do the same.

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS: Here are my readin' recommendations fer all y'all what want to read on some topical oint... uh, issues.

NFL Record & Fact Book 2010 (Official National Football League Record and Fact Book)Football For Dummies, (USA Edition)Smart Blonde: Dolly Parton (Omnibus Press)Still Perfect! The Untold Story of the 1972 Miami DolphinsThe Great Financial Crisis: Causes and ConsequencesI Love/Hate Brett FavreCelebrity Leverage: Insider Secrets to Getting Celebrity Endorsements, Instant Credibility and Star-Powered Publicity, or How to Make Your Business - Plus Yourself - Rich and FamousFootball Training Like the ProsHank Williams: The BiographyRehab Pocket Survival Guide