Thursday, July 8, 2010

LeBron James: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

Howdy folks and kin,

Thar's still a few more weeks to go before NFL training camp gets goin' fer most teams, and life gets back to normal. In the meantime, we all still gotsta put up with them other sports and the news of the day. Thar's no end to news and in many ways thar's no end to them sports. Combine the two and we got us some sports news, just like that! And, today, thar ain't no bigger story than thar thar decision what LeBron James has to make.

Yes, as I'm writing this, the world is waitin' and chewin' the fat over them NBA basketball boy's free agency goin'-ons. Everyone is sittin' aroung makin' bets on where all-star LeBron James, what last year played fer them Cleveland Cavaliers, is a gonna end up. The media is makin' the most of his decision and I hear that ESPN has made a decision that they is a gonna cover his decision by organizing a 60-minute special called ... "the decision". Heck, I make lots of decisions every day, but no one has ever made a TV special about them!

Now, I can understand why LeBron wants to leave Cleveland, and it ain't got nothin to do with basketball! I reckon he wants to get as far from them Cleveland Browns (NFL) what were 5 and 11 last year, and played in more than a few "stinker bowls", if y'all know what I mean and I think y'all do. They managed to win them the last 4 games, but if y'all do the math, and I did, that means that fer most of the season they was 1 and 11. That performanace smells worse than July 4th potato salad what someone left out in the sun and found a few weeks later.

In Miami, where I hail from, they still got them that thar Dwayne Wade and a new youngin' Chris Bosh to heat up them courts. They is a hopin' that their pal LeBron is a gonna join them. I reckon they want to make them a regular NBA power house. At least that's how the logic goes. But I reckon, thar's a bit more to this here story. So I'm gonna entertain y'all with some of my ideas. Here goes:

1) Joinin' the Miami Heat makers sense because Lebron, Dawyne and Chris will form a different kind of a powerhouse - a party powerhouse! They might be a hopin' they'll be able to get together quicker and party it up a might better in them South Beach clubs. The way I see it, it's important for folks to have a life away from their work. So that's just one reason why LeBron goin' to Miami makes sense.

2) Miami ain't got none of that thar BP (Red Coats!) oil a washin' up on it's shores yet, like they got over thar in Pensacola. Goin' to the beach is always a factor in any decision makin'.

3) Another reason goin' to Miami makes sense is that LeBron might want to take a walk at thar thar Orange Carpet what they layout fer them celebrities what go to see them Miami Dolphin's games. The Orange Carpet gets a rolled out over at Joe Robbie Stadium ... uh ... I mean Sun Life Stadium, formerly Pro Player Park, formerly Pro Player Stadium, formerly Dolphin Stadium, formerly Dolphins Stadium, and formerly and most recently, Land Shark Stadium. That stadium changes names more often than some folks I know change their drawers!

It's a big stadium though, much bigger than what used to have. You see, in them old days, before baseball, hockey and basketball came to Miami, we just had us the Orange Bowl, what was long on character and history, but short on bathrooms. It didn't even have 1 outhouse, not even the modern kind! Sun Life Stadium has got plenty of bathrooms. It's also got a Papa John's Pizza there. So maybe that's just a couple more reasons, why LeBron James might end up playin' fer the Miami Heat.

Here are some of the names of folks what walked down that thar Orange Carpet: Jennifer Lopez, Fergie (not the British one), Serena and Venus William, Gloria Estefan, Don Shula, Marc Anthony, Robin Givens, T-Pain, Judd Jugmonger, etc. Aw heck folks, I'm just joshin'; you know did never did walk down no orange carpet, 'cept fer the one I got laid out in my outhouse!

6) In Miami, come New Year's Day, we got us the King Orange Jamboree Parade (a.k.a. the Orange Bowl Parade). Maybe Lebron wants to march in it with Obie, the King Orange.

5) Now most folks know that LeBron is an Ohio boy, and that's where his heart is, even though them Cleveland Brown is surely makin' that diffcult. But stayin' in Ohio and not winin' a title ain't good for his "brand". Y'all know what is a "brand" is folks? That's what really makes them sports players lots of money, sellin' their name like Gucci, Pierre Cardin, Col. Sanders and them others. Now LeBron James has got himself some good records and the respect of his peers and fans, but that boy needs an NBA Title and he needs him one quick! So goin' to Miami makes sense fer a while. He can always go back to Ohio a bit later to retire, title in one hand and cash in the other.

6) Speakin' of cash, I heard that LeBron might be walkin away from about 30 million "contract" dollars if he comes to Miami. That thar is a lot money what can I buy a few Telecasters! On the other hand, in Florida, we ain't got no state Income Tax, so that has to figure some in the decision pot. Just another reason why comin' to Miami is startin' to look good.

7) During the NFL season, I got me a podcast what I give my prognostications on who's a gonna win what games and what not. I got me a little pigskin what I spin sometimes when there's good matchup of teams. Well, I spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to them Heat over them Clippers, Bulls and Cavaliers. So that's that. It's time fer LeBron to get off that that decision pot.

So there y'all have it folks, them is my reasons why LeBron James will end up playin' for them Miami Heat. If I'm right, and them Miami Heat end up with a powerhouse, lots of y'all might end up winnin' big time with some bets. When y'all do, don't ferget me, the one made it all happen!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger
For all yall what don't know diddly squat about basketball, here's some readin' to help y'all out:
Basketball for DummiesLeBron's Dream Team: How Five Friends Made HistoryLebron James: The Making of an MVPWho's Better, Who's Best in Basketball?: Mr Stats Sets the Record Straight on the Top 50 NBA Players of All TimeThe Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports GuyLeBron James: The Rise of a StarShooting Stars

No comments: