Friday, June 11, 2010

Soccer: A Poor Folk's Sport

Howdy Folks & Kin,

Today is the kick off for that thar FIFA WORLD CUP. No, I ain't talkin' bout poodles and tea drinkers here. I'm talkin' 'bout soccer, also known in some parts as football ... but not our football, as in NFL or College football.

Now, fer all y'all what might be askin' "Judd? Why is it that that thar soccer is so popular all over the world?" I think I might got a few answers. See, soccer is sort of the poor man's sport. And, as we all know, especially in these days of economic regression, there's lots of poor folks around, what ain't able to buy no equipment to play them other games what are so popular here in the USA.

Heck folks, just think of all them times when y'all were youngins and were wantin' to play some sport but couldn't make hay with what y'all got or didn't got. Remember them times? Here's an example: didn't y'all even have a youngin', what no doubt rode in to school on the short bus, what brought a basketball to school what ain't got no court, and ipso facto no net? Didn't y'all take that thar ball away from that red haired boy and put it on the ground what to play soccer with? I reckon, y'all did!

So lots a folks, the world over can relate to soccer, especially for economical reasons. How many of y'all what lost your jobs ended up kickin' a can on the way down to pick up your unemployment checks? Obviously, if y'all are gettin' unemployment checks, y'all can't afford the equipment for them other sports! If ya don't beleive me, go ahead and ask Cousin Judith, with them youngins, just how far them food stamps go! Heck I don't even think they cover duct tape! So, when y'all think of it, most of them really popular sports, what we got here in the USA, cost way too much to play for many folks or youngins on account of all them equipment and what not, what would be needed. Here's a few examples fer y'all:

Ice skates, sticks, pads, pucks and lots of electric fer them freezers what got make them ice cubes y'all gots to push together to make a playin' surrface. And, if any of y'all git hit in the face with that thar puck, y'all are gonna pay more than a pretty penny and a wooden nickel to them dentists and plastic surgeons! Heck, I ain't even gonna mention the cost of them Zambonis!

Y'all need bats, assorted gloves, bases, chewin' tobacco, and lots of balls on account of some fool what is always a knockin' them out of the park! Now don't get me wrong, I love baseball, but by the time y'all figure out who's gonna go fetch that thar ball what got the stuffin' knocked out of it or who is gonna pay fer that thar windshield what got cracked ... well, everyone just gets hungry and just goes home and eats.

Another problem with baseball is that it's also the one game what got infiltrated by them slick as an eel BIG BUSINESS tobacco folks what said that real baseball players must chew tobacco and tug at their crotches! That thar chewin' tobacco got so popular that them BIG BUSINESS pharmaceutical companies got jealous and said that real baseball players have to take them expensive steroids! Let's face it folks, the game has become not only just too expensive to play, but also bad fer them youngin's health! BIG BUSINESS had ruined this game fer most.

Them youngin's need a net and expensive sneakers to jump high with. Them flip flops just ain't no good fer jumpin' on. Havin' them expensive sneakers is important and they had better got some star athlete's endorsement on them and a price tag of more than 200 hundred dollars, or they is a gonna wind up hangin' from some electric wires! Now, if them youngins can't afford them expensive sneakers, how in the world are they a gonna be able to afford them growth hormones to keep up with them other genetically tall youngins? Again, this is another case where them drug peddlin' BIG BUSINESS folks ruined the game.

Balls, tees, assorted clubs, grounds keepers, golf carts, ball washers and expensive fashion wear. Heck, you even have to pay some folks, them caddies, what to hold your balls! I sort of pass on that thar idea fer both economical and personal reasons, if y'all know what I mean ... and I think y'all do! And, what about all them alimony payments ole' Tiger Woods is a gonna have to pay fer playin' in them sand traps?

Y'all know what I'm talkin' about here! The price of them pigskins and that thar Gatorade is on the rise! The good news, however, is that pads are optional, and so is them goal posts. And, if y'all can't afford a pigskin, then a rolled up sweater will do. Trust me, that that works! See, in Miami, where I hail from, there was always one youngin' at school, what didn't got no athletic genes anyway and whose mama made him take a sweater on account of she was fearful that them air conditioners would give her youngin' a crick in his neck. That thar youngin', what didn't got the good sense God gave a billy goat on a good day, didn't need to be wearnin' no sweater in 100 degrees South Florida temperatures. So, we was doin' him a favor by usin' his sweater in the first place! Of course, he had to explain to his mama why his sweater had gone missin' and why his sneakers were hangin' from them electric wires at the school house. Maybe some psychotherapy was needed, I don't know. But, I reckon that that thar is another story altogether.

So let's be honest folks, to play soccer you don't need much, just a ball, a can, a cabbage head or a even a rolled up sweater. And, that's why soccer is a poor man's sport, and, an international favorite!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. If y'all are like me, I'm gonna keep an eye out or two on that thar FIFA World Cup as I enjoy my buffalo wings, on account of our boys are considered strong underdogs. I hope you'll be rootin' and tootin' fer them as well as they take on them Tea Drinkers from over across that thar big pong. Them red coats deserve a poundin' fer what their BIG BUSINESS oil folks (BP) did to our Gulf Coast! So I say, take it to them boys and kick that thar soccer ball at them where the sun don't shine! It's payback time, folks!

Fer all y'all what got your sweaters taken away from you as youngins, here's some readin' I recommend:

Soccer for DummiesPruning Made Easy: A Gardener's Visual Guide to When and How to Prune Everything, from Flowers to Trees (Storey's Gardening Skills Illustrated Series)20,000 Secrets of Tea: The Most Effective Ways to Benefit from Nature's Healing HerbsThe Girls of Summer: The U.S. Women's Soccer Team and How It Changed the WorldTiger: The Real Story

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