Sunday, April 25, 2010

Time to Exfoliate The Oil Industry

Howdy folks and kin! Last Thursday, April 22nd, was the NFL Draft, but it was also "Earth Day" which is a day set aside to make good folks think about and appreciate the Earth's environment. This year a newsworthy and astounding event marked this special occasion. No it's wasn't only the fact that Tim Tebow was picked in the first round of the draft, it was that a big ole' stupid Oil Rig what was diggin' fer "Black Gold" right smack dab in the middle of my Gulf Of Mexico, blew up and sank, and most likely sent 11 poor souls to an oily watery grave. Them news folk now say that thar oil rig is leakin' over 1000 barrels of oil a day or more! Meanwhile, over thar on Capitol Hill, there are several offshore drilling proposals in Congress, and it seems that our President Obama might be willin' to say "yes" to them. That means more drillin' fer oil in our backyard waters... and lots more ecological disasters on the way.

Now folks, ain't all y'all sick and tired of givin' your hard earned money away to "Big Business" and them blasted "Oil Tycoons"both here and over thar in the Middle East? Aren't y'all sick and tired of lettin' them ruin our world and makin' us say "thank you fer it" and "please give us more"? It don't take a rocket scientist to know we is payin' fer our planet's and our own demises at the hand them slick oily fellers. And fer what? A better standard of livin' or a better quality of life? No sir and no ma'am! It's all fer the sake of gettin' them oily folks richer by makin' profits off a our planet, our air, food and water, as well as our own ever increasin' misery! That's right, I said "misery", spelt M-I-S-E-R-Y. Why "misery"? Well folks, I tell y'all what, I wish I was more elegant a writer to intellectually express my views on why we should say "NO!" to oil and start lookin' fer other energy sources. But I can only share with all y'all some of my miseryin' ... especially since, well y'all know, misery loves company! So here it goes:

- I'm sick and tired of breathin' polluted air and havin' to wipe soot and grime off a my guitars, especially my new Telecaster.

- I'm sick and tired of goin' to the beach and comin' home with tar on my feet and drippin' out of my swimmin' trunks, lookin' like I was too lazy to git to the outhouse in time.

- I'm sick and tired of seein' our coastal waters and our fishin' habitats filled with oily sludge. My heart breaks fer all a them little fishies what can't breathe oil. Y'all know what that's like? If not, go stick all a y'alls heads in a bowl of hair gel. Stay there and try breathin' fer five minutes. Y'all will wise up real quick like.

- I'm sick and tired of risin' temperatures outside cause a all a that thar tar and asphalt what we got laid down fer drivin' and parkin' our fancy cars on. We cain't even walk barefoot in our cities no more, cause account of the dang heat!

- I'm sick and tired of hearin' a never endin' processional of cars goin' by my front porch. You try pickin' the "Wildwood Flower" with horns a blastin'! Don't git me wrong, I love NASCAR, but I don't want to hear it outside my window night and day.

- I'm sick and tired of payin' fer gas.... not just the rising price of gas ... gas PERIOD. I heard that over the years there may have been lots of ideas to help git us off our dependency on oil and havin' to pay fer gas. But them Oil Company folk sure made sure that none of these idears never saw the blessed light of day. I heard of this one feller, what ran out of gas on the highway, and he tried breakin' wind in his gas tank. Well along came them Highway Patrol Troopers and, sure enough, they locked him up real quick. I guess they is in cahoots with them Oil folks, too.

- I'm sick and tired of hearin' how cancers is on the rise due to air, water and soil pollution. Guess what's blame? It ain't Olive Oil. Know what I mean? I think you do. I gots me lots a inflammation, and I think it's a because of oil.

- I'm sick and tired of payin' taxes for BIG BUSINESS bailouts for oil interests what are usin' that thar money to make oil fer car gas ... just so we can give them some more money fer it! Why should I pay fer someone else to do his business, when I ain't got no money to do my own!

- I'm sick and tired of feelin' like I been made a fool of by government officials what care more about Oil Business lobbyists than me! Them politicians and revenuers git them free gourmet fancy lunches at them swanky restaurants while I'm here tryin' make ends meet by eatin' cans a lima beans! It ain't fair!

Now thar are lots a folks what git all nervous when folks like me start talkin' about "No More Oil". I reckon they is scared what someone's gonna tell them they cain't drive their Hummers and Lamberginees no more or use some of that thar Vaseline with that someone special. These are them folks what say things like "Everything we use is somehow connected to petroleum". Well, if that thar is the truth, don't y'all reckon that thar is a BIG problem? Now either these folks are gittin' their salaries paid by them Oily folks, or they is just brain washed by them BIG BUSINESS types who sound all slick like on the Radio and TV. Personally, I ain't impressed too much by a $1000 polyester suit and some straightened pearly whites, even if they ain't dentures. Or maybe these folks are just haters what could start an argument in an empty house. If brains were leather, these folks wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug ... and that's the sad truth.

Another truth is that we is all as dumb as a stump fer allowin' this "what not" to go on for as long as it has. So I say give Mother Nature some lovin' and give them Oily Tycoons the boot before they kill us all!

If y'all have had enough, too, and want to say NO MORE OIL once and fer all, send the message to your local revenuer. Here's some internet links what might help you and us all out:

Send a Message to our President Obama:

Or you can do it here through "". They is some nice folks.

Al Gore likes this website, and so do I!

If y'all want to learn more about the oil industry, our planet and what not, check  out these books.

Our Choice: A Plan to Solve the Climate CrisisClimate Cover-Up: The Crusade to Deny Global WarmingOil on the Brain: Petroleum's Long, Strange Trip to Your TankThe Teapot Dome Scandal: How Big Oil Bought the Harding White House and Tried to Steal the CountryGo Green, Live Rich: 50 Simple Ways to Save the Earth and Get Rich Trying

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