Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Valentine Day's Poem Fer Jolene

Howdy Folks! Happy Valentine's Day!
This here is a little poem what I wrote fer my sweety deety, Jolene. Goes like this:

Roses are red and them violet's are blue...
I've got some cornbread muffins in the oven, I've made especially fer you!
Now, some folks say cornbread ain't much,
but everyone loves muffins what come in oatmeal and raisin, blueberry and such...

So that thar is my symbolic gesturin', fer today of all days...
cause it's Valentine's Day, or so the calendar says.
And you is my love muffin, Jolene, you know its true.
Ain't no other woman fer me will do ...
- (that thar's what I wrote in that thar song what I sang at the Hootenanny. You know the one what I we got up on the MySpace )

So I ask you Jolene, cause your gooder’n than grits....
- (and not just because you git me all riled up and randy, neither!)
Will you be my valentine and come on' over here and give me a kiss?

I Love You,
- Judd Jugmonger xoxoxo

PS. We aint' got us a barn, but if' we did have us one, I'd meet you behind it! xoxoxo

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Super Bowl XLIV Picks

Howdy folks this here is Judd Jugmonger, sittin' in the Katywonkered Cafe'. I thought I'd throw my wooden nickels into the meltin' pot as regards the game a game, the Super Bowl. Since, I got me lots a lots a emails from folks and kin a wantin' me to do some prognosticatin' about the game, so, I thought I'd oblige, as I usually do, seein' as I'm hopin' some all y'all might win some BIG money and give me a little something fer my tipjar.

So who's a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon down thar in Miami? I tell you what I'm torn on this one. If I was to go with my guts, I'd say Peyton Manning will be hard to beat. He's a gonna git all fired up and when that happens, well, he'll be a lookin' to make things happen and ain't gonna stand for no what not. These are games fer him when he starts pullin' badgers from hats and makin' monkeys fly from his detractors butts, if you know what mean, and I think you do.

So fer most prognosticators or predictors, that there is the big problem: just as no one like arguin' with a fence post - no one likes to pick against Peyton Manning, when a championship game in on the Wichita lineman.

All right, well, I reckon the only problem is for him to win the BIG one is that he's gotsta have to some folks to throw to, and I suspect his recievin' corps are feelin' poorly. Their wings ain't clipped, but if and their gonna have to shoot and score on every possession well they're just a gonna be all plum tuckered out come the end of the game. And, that folks is a problem fer Peyton. He might end up busier than a cat coverin' crap on a marble floor.

Now, I think them Saints, "all around the round house", have just got themselves a better offense. And, uh, yeah don't ferget they got themselves Drew "call him the breeze" Brees, too. If anyone a y'all thinks he's a gonna just stand a there like a bump on the log, well then you are one can short of a six-pack and will probably end up ridin' the short bus home from the stadium.

To make matters worse fer them Indianapolis boys, I think them New Orleans boys got them some better game planners overall. I also suspect they got them some of that "Louisi-anna" Mojo with them ... though I suspect that ole' Archie Manning passed some on down to Peyton .... Lord, Peyton sure does got him some Mojo sometimes, don't he? But then, so does Drew Brees - he just ain't made a career of gittin' it workin' as flashy as Peyton has.

What about the rest of them Colts? Were some say they got themselves the better defense. I reckon so, but I also suspect they're not runnin' on a full tank a gas, just like theirs receiving corps. Now, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that when ya put them up against a Saints' offense that in the regular season was number 1 in points scored and yards gained, and yeah, throw Drew Brees in there, too - and ya'll git a Saints win.... on the papers. Though, it's those papers, Peyton will be itchin' to take to the outhouse.

I also say that "all things been equalized" this game might be won on special teams or on turnovers. If that's so, I say them Saints also got the edge. If the game is to be won on field goals in over time, it might just go to them Colts, but I reckon this ain't gonna happen.

So I'm a gonna go with my brains on this one .... so take them Saints over them Colts. I even spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to ... well its still spinnin' ... but seems to be tippin' over to them Saints. Yet, I'm writin' this here prognostication with a bit of cringe cause I know ole' Peyton's might just gonna give me a whoopin' some! So all y'all Saints fans, don't count your chickies before they hatch!
Now some of a y'all might just say, "Judd? Why don't just stick to your guts and go with them Colts?" Well the scietifically answer is that my guts will be full a Super Bowl Sunday BBQ Ribs, Hot Chicken Wings (extra tabascey sauce) and maybe even some Gumbo". So seein' as my guts will be satisfied, they won't mind my brains doin' the talkin'. So that's that.

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: You can beat an egg, and you can beat a drum ... but if you beat your grits, y'all are gonna lose some!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Next week I hope to debut my new "picks" podcast with music, more prognosticatin', my insights into current worldly affairs (especially regardin' the economic regression", cookin' tips and plenty of down home fun. Just a waitin' fer a bit more cash fer a new "pop filter". So all a y'all what will be winnin' big with my either my guts' or my brains' Super Bowl prognostications, don't ferget to git on over to my website, and put some in the tip jar. It's: - that's Jugmongers with a "J". You can even git yourself a "Jugmonger Swag T-Shirt" if y'all want!

PPS. Hey! How about that Danica Patrick! She done well and come in 6th!