Friday, December 4, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 13

Howdy Folks! This here is Judd Jugmonger. I jsut done me muh podcast with my picks fe the NFL this week. So fer all a y'all cain't sand muh voice none ... well, here is the transcript ... and in ain't in sanscript, neither!

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back a rarin' to go with muh picks fer week 13 of the NFL. That thar is the National Football League, where some teams can actually play dead at home and git killed on the road.! The holiday's are a comin' and winter is a settlin' in, and since I ain't gettin' any younger, here we go! A ho-ho-ho! A dashin' through the snow ... on with the show!

Tennessee Titans (5-6) at Indianapolis Colts (11-0)
Ok, first up we got us an easy one. It's them Colts vs. them Titans. Peyton Manning and Company is still undefeated. ... and them Titans is ... well undefeated since they got them selves a new "young" quartyback. Do y'all reckon this will be his first taste of defeat? ... or in the Colts' case - de-hooves? I reckon so.

Houston Texans (5-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5)
Ok, that thar was easy. nest up is them 5 and 6 Texans vs. them 6 and 5 Jaguars. On paper, I'd say the them kitties should git the best of them Houston boys - what with them playoff bound ... but don't count out them Texans, yet - at least as the math goes. Still, I'd go with the Jaguars. I think they got themselves a bit more "grrrr" in their bellies. Sorry, Hoss.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-10) at Carolina Panthers (4-7)
Oh Carolina, oh don't you cry fer me, I ain't goin to the Stinker Bowl - but you are! That's right folks, When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, git ye' your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them 1 and 10 Buccaneers and them 4 and 7 Panthers. Ok, the Panthers still got a shot to make them playoffs - a long shot - but a shot. And them Tampa Bay boys will give be kind enough to give them a hand. Maybe they should change the name of the team to the Tampa Bay Samaritans.

New Orleans Saints (11-0) at Washington Redskins (3-8)
All right, now we got us the, undefeated Saints and them lowly 3 and 8 Redskins. Stay in your Teepees boys - and no one will git hurt. The choir boys can be brutal.

New England Patriots (7-4) at Miami Dolphins (5-6)
Speakin' of prayin' ... next we got us my Dolphins vs. them Patriots. I ain't even gonna mention how many bottles a moonshine I had to wrestle off a cousin Jed last week to drown my sorrows in last weeks Miami misery. I reckon the Patriots and Tom Brady are comin' into ole Landshark stadium awfully confident. And they should be. Still, I think Miami even though they're under 500 again, has got a surpise or two up their dorsal fins. Go with the underdogs, folks.

Philadelphia Eagles (7-4) at Atlanta Falcons (6-5)
Ok, now we got us them Eagles vs. them Falcons. It's a bird fight folks! Feathers a flyin' this way and that - It ain't a gonan be a dog fight - even though Michael Vick will be thar. Speakin' a quartybacks - uh Matt Ryan got him the turf toe and will be doin' butt duty on the bench this week. So I say, that them Eagles will fly away oh lordy I'll fly away .... just like that thar bluegrass song. Do do do ... "Fly like an eagle to the sea" .. fly like an Eagle go git your birdy victory.

Denver Broncos (7-4) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-8)
Ok next up is them 7 and 4 Broncos vs. them 3 and 8 Chiefs. Look out fer the Stampede! It's gonna be ugly. The Chiefs git trampled - and don't you know it.

Oakland Raiders (3-8) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
All right, next up them Raiders go to Pittsburgh to raid them Steelers - but Roethslinger is back from concussion la-la land. So them Oakland boys will be busier than a Rooster in a hen house.... though ... uh ... they won't be playin' the part uh the Rooster. Know what I mean? I think you do!

St. Louis Rams (1-10) at Chicago Bears (4-7)
Ok, now I tell you what, this next games comes might close to bein' another Stink Bowl, what with we got us here them 1 and 10 Rams and them 4 and 7 Bears. But I think this here will be a good game cause either it's gonna be them Rams a celebrtin' their 2nd victory beatin up on a bunch a Gummy Bears ... or its gonna be them Polar Bears puttin' them "Poor Rams" on ice. You know what I think it's a gonna be fun watchin' the Rams win another one .... but they probably won't. Poor Rams.

Detroit Lions (2-9) at Cincinnati Bengals (8-3)
What else we got us here, let's see, it's the Kitty Bowl them 2 and 9 Lions vs. them 8 and 3 Bengals. Uh ... gonna save my breath here ... them Tigers git to growl ... them Lions - just a Meow and they git send off to play in the Kitty Litter.

San Diego Chargers (8-3) at Cleveland Browns (1-10)
All right, next is them 8 and 3 Chargers vs. them 1 and 10 Browns. The Browns will git electrocutes and take the short bus home from the their own stadium. Peyoo!

San Francisco 49ers (5-6) at Seattle Seahawks (4-7)
Ok yonder come them 49ers vs. them Seahawks. Them San Francisco boy are above 500 .. them Seattle boys, ain't. Some folks say theirs a no surprises here ... but I tell you what. I think them Seahawks are a gonna pull this one out and win the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Heck even my little pigskin what I spun, says so.

Dallas Cowboys (8-3) at New York Giants (6-5)
And now it's them Cowboys vs. them Giants. Both these teams are hungry. Them Dallas boys got their eyes on that that thar NFC East title. Meanwhile, them Giants got their eyes on Eli Manning's foot that's a smartin's some. Well it don't take much smarts to know that them Cowboys are gonna ride them, Giants outta their own towm.

Minnesota Vikings (10-1) at Arizona Cardinals (7-4)
Ok, now it's them Vikings and them Cardinals. Burt Favre vs. Kurt Warner. One a them is a gonna git caught with their pants down. Now Warner went to concussion la-la-land fer a week. Had him his head in them clouds ... this week his head will be back down around his ankles I suspect.

Baltimore Ravens (6-5) at Green Bay Packers (7-4)
All right, it's uh, Monday Night Football, with them Ravens vs. them Packers. This one's a gonna be close. Them Green Bay boys got them a wildcard, while them Baltimore boys are still in the hunt. If y'all ask me, which I suspect y'all are since y'all are a listenin' to this here podcast - well I say them Packer's defense is a gonna can them birds. It won't be spam in a can ... but it won't be corned beef neither. Go with them Packers!

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, December is a good time fer takin' stock of those who y'all think kindly of. I know y'all gittin' your Christmas Card lists a sorted out and what not. And all y'all folks out thar what will be havin' a "very merry" what with all that money from my picks what I just gave you - well don't ferget to send me one them long cards with the pocket fer some cash. I still got that Telecaster on layaway - don't want to let it git way! So git on over to - that's Jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with a little paypal donation and ask me fer muh address to send me one a those long cards with green lettuce inside.Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a sagely advice: When things go wrong - don't go with them.

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