Sunday, December 27, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 16

Well howdy folks and kin! And, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays this here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe', Happy Holidays to you. And I'm back with a bit more than a Season's Greetin' to y'all. I got me muh picks fer week 16 of the NFL. That thar is the National Football League, where at this time of year, some teams are in the playoffs, and them others, well they are just plain switched off! Now I was on the road with my Bluegrass band playing some country holiday classics at some hootenannies fer the last couple a weeks ... and uh ... what with Christmas and uh all that thar eatin' to be done last week ... well I was a busier than Rooster in the Hen house gittin' them groceries over to muh place and gittin' my eatin sticks sharpened and what not. I hope y'all had a "very merry" and gastonomical affair these past few days. I also hope y'all got what y'all wanted from Santy Claus. Hope y'all didn't git no lumps a coal cause they can't be exchanged. As fer this week's games... well let's get on it.

Buffalo Bills (5-9) at Atlanta Falcons (7-7)
Ok, first up we got us them Bills and them Falcons. Them Atlanta boys ain't goin' to the playoffs, and ... well, I ain't done the math, but I reckon that neither are them Buffalo boys. But them birdies do have somethin' to play for and that is a winnin' record ... in fact they can make it 2 years in row beginnin' this weekend. So go with the motivation and give them Bills the chills.

Kansas City Chiefs (3-11) at Cincinnati Bengals (9-5)
Ok, nest is them 3 and 11 Chiefs vs. them 9 and 5 Bengals. They say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Well, the kitties have their "try and try again" to get them in the payoffs. They is a gonna try again. I think playin' them lowly Chiefs is a blessin' from above. Know what I mean? I think you do.

Oakland Raiders (5-9) at Cleveland Browns (3-11)
Alright. Now we got us them Raider and them Brown. Let's see here ... them Raiders ain't playin' for nothing and them Brown, at least are playing for their new Team manager ... and whoever it is is a gonna be their new coach come the end of the season. So who's gonna suck it up the most and win the Pabst Blue Ribbon? Well, I tell you what, I think it's gonna be them Cleveland boys.

Seattle Seahawks (5-9) at Green Bay Packers (9-5)
Ok, up next is them Seahawks vs. the, play off bound Packers. Do to do to do to do ... ok heck folks, you know it's them Packers what gonna win this here game. Them Seattle boys lost to Tampa Bay last week and got them some lumps a coal form ole' Santa ... what does that tell you?

Houston Texans (7-7) at Miami Dolphins (7-7)
All right now it's my Dolphins vs. them Texans. Both teams are 7 and 7 and in the playoff hunt. But only ones comes away with a winning record ... in the end there can only be one. I'm gonna give Miami the edge here ... only cause they know they is a gonna have to make up for that thar disappointing loss last week. Don't let me down boys. As fer them Houston boys ... well sorry, Hoss. If ya don't like my pick I guess ya can go argue with a fence post.

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-7) at New England Patriots (9-5)
Next up is them Patriots and them Jaguars. Tom Brady and Company look to make it to the postseason with here, and them boys from Jacksonville. well they is still in the hunt, but is they hungry enough to claw them New England boys? I tell you what, I smell an upset in the making here, folks. I think them Patriots will ride the short bus home from the stadium. If not, it's gonna be a close one.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-12) at New Orleans Saints (13-1)
Ok, yonder come them 13 and 1 Saints and them 2 and 12 Buccaneers. Yo-ho-ho? Ho-ho-no! Saints all the way!

Carolina Panthers (6-8) at New York Giants (8-6)
All right, now we got us them Panthers and them Giants. Them Carolina boys ain't in the playoffs, and them Giants are still lookin' fer the door in. Desperation ... desperation .... Eli Manning is desperate ... and that ain't good fer them Panthers.

St. Louis Rams (1-13) at Arizona Cardinals (9-5)
Ok, now we got us them Cardinals. Poor Cardinals. You know why? Cause they get to play them poor Rams. It ain't no stinker bowl ... cause them Arizoney boys are in the playoff. But seein' how foul them Rams is ... well we just hope some of that stink don't rub off a them. Go with Cardinals ... duh.

Baltimore Ravens (8-6) at Pittsburgh Steelers (7-7)
Alright now we got us them Ravens and them Steelers. Them Baltimore boys are wildcards and them Steelers boys are wanna be's. They is gonna be a dottin' them eyes and crossin' them Ts and whatever else it is they gots. I think them metal heads are hungrier than them birdies.... but still, I think them birdies are gonna peck a few holes in them Pittsburgh boys. Go with them Ravens and to the Steelers say, nevermore.

Detroit Lions (2-12) at San Francisco 49ers (6-8)
Alright it ain't them Rams and it ain't Buccaneers but it sure smells like the Stinker Bowl to me. That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, git ye' your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them 2 and 12 Lions and then 6 and 8 49ers. I tell you what that thar is a lots a numbers ... but they all add up to a win fer them San Francisco treats. Detroit .... well thar ain't much to say thar except ... peeyoo!

New York Jets (7-7) at Indianapolis Colts (14-0)
Ok, next up is them 7 and 7 Jets vs. them un beaten Colts. Hey, what do you say that Matt Ryan decides he's got somethin' to prove against Peyton Manning? Is that a chance that them Colts lose this week? Maybe so ... it's hard to imagine .. but if y'all want to win some big money go with them Jets. I think them Indianapolis boys are gonna do their regular bang up job ... but I tell you what ... I got an itch wants to be scratched ... so officially, I'm gonna on a record by sayin' this may be the week, them Colts don't smell pay dirt.

Denver Broncos (8-6) at Philadelphia Eagles (10-4)
All right now we got us them Broncos vs. them Eagles. The Philadelphia boys are in them playoffs and them Denver boys are wild cards. So I just spun me my little pigskin on this one and it pointed to them Eagles. What do you say about that? Not much I reckon ... unless your them Broncos.

Dallas Cowboys (9-5) at Washington Redskins (4-10)
Hey, now we got us some Cowboys and Injuns. Dallas is a wildcard team ... Washington, well they could play in the Stinker Bowl. Tony Romo ... that's all you need to hear folks.

Minnesota Vikings (11-3) at Chicago Bears (5-9)
Alright, now we got some Monday Night Football! It's them 11 and 3 Vikings vs. them 5 and 9 Bears. With 2 straight losses under his belt, Bert Favre might need him a little teddy bear to make him feel snuggly wuggly. I reckon he'll have his pick this week. It don't look good fer them Chicago boys who is a gonna git skint.
All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, Christmas my be over, but the spirit of givin' is till upon us .. especially those what will be buyin' some cases of New Year's champagne what with all that money from my picks what I just gave you . So don't ferget me! I still got a few payments left on that that Telecaster what I got on layaway. So git on over to - that's Jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with a few seasonal greetin's, you know ... them green one.
Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a sagely advice: "Should old acquaintances be forgot ... go ahead and make them a barbecue."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 13

Howdy Folks! This here is Judd Jugmonger. I jsut done me muh podcast with my picks fe the NFL this week. So fer all a y'all cain't sand muh voice none ... well, here is the transcript ... and in ain't in sanscript, neither!

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back a rarin' to go with muh picks fer week 13 of the NFL. That thar is the National Football League, where some teams can actually play dead at home and git killed on the road.! The holiday's are a comin' and winter is a settlin' in, and since I ain't gettin' any younger, here we go! A ho-ho-ho! A dashin' through the snow ... on with the show!

Tennessee Titans (5-6) at Indianapolis Colts (11-0)
Ok, first up we got us an easy one. It's them Colts vs. them Titans. Peyton Manning and Company is still undefeated. ... and them Titans is ... well undefeated since they got them selves a new "young" quartyback. Do y'all reckon this will be his first taste of defeat? ... or in the Colts' case - de-hooves? I reckon so.

Houston Texans (5-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5)
Ok, that thar was easy. nest up is them 5 and 6 Texans vs. them 6 and 5 Jaguars. On paper, I'd say the them kitties should git the best of them Houston boys - what with them playoff bound ... but don't count out them Texans, yet - at least as the math goes. Still, I'd go with the Jaguars. I think they got themselves a bit more "grrrr" in their bellies. Sorry, Hoss.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-10) at Carolina Panthers (4-7)
Oh Carolina, oh don't you cry fer me, I ain't goin to the Stinker Bowl - but you are! That's right folks, When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, git ye' your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them 1 and 10 Buccaneers and them 4 and 7 Panthers. Ok, the Panthers still got a shot to make them playoffs - a long shot - but a shot. And them Tampa Bay boys will give be kind enough to give them a hand. Maybe they should change the name of the team to the Tampa Bay Samaritans.

New Orleans Saints (11-0) at Washington Redskins (3-8)
All right, now we got us the, undefeated Saints and them lowly 3 and 8 Redskins. Stay in your Teepees boys - and no one will git hurt. The choir boys can be brutal.

New England Patriots (7-4) at Miami Dolphins (5-6)
Speakin' of prayin' ... next we got us my Dolphins vs. them Patriots. I ain't even gonna mention how many bottles a moonshine I had to wrestle off a cousin Jed last week to drown my sorrows in last weeks Miami misery. I reckon the Patriots and Tom Brady are comin' into ole Landshark stadium awfully confident. And they should be. Still, I think Miami even though they're under 500 again, has got a surpise or two up their dorsal fins. Go with the underdogs, folks.

Philadelphia Eagles (7-4) at Atlanta Falcons (6-5)
Ok, now we got us them Eagles vs. them Falcons. It's a bird fight folks! Feathers a flyin' this way and that - It ain't a gonan be a dog fight - even though Michael Vick will be thar. Speakin' a quartybacks - uh Matt Ryan got him the turf toe and will be doin' butt duty on the bench this week. So I say, that them Eagles will fly away oh lordy I'll fly away .... just like that thar bluegrass song. Do do do ... "Fly like an eagle to the sea" .. fly like an Eagle go git your birdy victory.

Denver Broncos (7-4) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-8)
Ok next up is them 7 and 4 Broncos vs. them 3 and 8 Chiefs. Look out fer the Stampede! It's gonna be ugly. The Chiefs git trampled - and don't you know it.

Oakland Raiders (3-8) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
All right, next up them Raiders go to Pittsburgh to raid them Steelers - but Roethslinger is back from concussion la-la land. So them Oakland boys will be busier than a Rooster in a hen house.... though ... uh ... they won't be playin' the part uh the Rooster. Know what I mean? I think you do!

St. Louis Rams (1-10) at Chicago Bears (4-7)
Ok, now I tell you what, this next games comes might close to bein' another Stink Bowl, what with we got us here them 1 and 10 Rams and them 4 and 7 Bears. But I think this here will be a good game cause either it's gonna be them Rams a celebrtin' their 2nd victory beatin up on a bunch a Gummy Bears ... or its gonna be them Polar Bears puttin' them "Poor Rams" on ice. You know what I think it's a gonna be fun watchin' the Rams win another one .... but they probably won't. Poor Rams.

Detroit Lions (2-9) at Cincinnati Bengals (8-3)
What else we got us here, let's see, it's the Kitty Bowl them 2 and 9 Lions vs. them 8 and 3 Bengals. Uh ... gonna save my breath here ... them Tigers git to growl ... them Lions - just a Meow and they git send off to play in the Kitty Litter.

San Diego Chargers (8-3) at Cleveland Browns (1-10)
All right, next is them 8 and 3 Chargers vs. them 1 and 10 Browns. The Browns will git electrocutes and take the short bus home from the their own stadium. Peyoo!

San Francisco 49ers (5-6) at Seattle Seahawks (4-7)
Ok yonder come them 49ers vs. them Seahawks. Them San Francisco boy are above 500 .. them Seattle boys, ain't. Some folks say theirs a no surprises here ... but I tell you what. I think them Seahawks are a gonna pull this one out and win the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Heck even my little pigskin what I spun, says so.

Dallas Cowboys (8-3) at New York Giants (6-5)
And now it's them Cowboys vs. them Giants. Both these teams are hungry. Them Dallas boys got their eyes on that that thar NFC East title. Meanwhile, them Giants got their eyes on Eli Manning's foot that's a smartin's some. Well it don't take much smarts to know that them Cowboys are gonna ride them, Giants outta their own towm.

Minnesota Vikings (10-1) at Arizona Cardinals (7-4)
Ok, now it's them Vikings and them Cardinals. Burt Favre vs. Kurt Warner. One a them is a gonna git caught with their pants down. Now Warner went to concussion la-la-land fer a week. Had him his head in them clouds ... this week his head will be back down around his ankles I suspect.

Baltimore Ravens (6-5) at Green Bay Packers (7-4)
All right, it's uh, Monday Night Football, with them Ravens vs. them Packers. This one's a gonna be close. Them Green Bay boys got them a wildcard, while them Baltimore boys are still in the hunt. If y'all ask me, which I suspect y'all are since y'all are a listenin' to this here podcast - well I say them Packer's defense is a gonna can them birds. It won't be spam in a can ... but it won't be corned beef neither. Go with them Packers!

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, December is a good time fer takin' stock of those who y'all think kindly of. I know y'all gittin' your Christmas Card lists a sorted out and what not. And all y'all folks out thar what will be havin' a "very merry" what with all that money from my picks what I just gave you - well don't ferget to send me one them long cards with the pocket fer some cash. I still got that Telecaster on layaway - don't want to let it git way! So git on over to - that's Jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with a little paypal donation and ask me fer muh address to send me one a those long cards with green lettuce inside.Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a sagely advice: When things go wrong - don't go with them.