Sunday, November 29, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 12

Howdy Folks! I'm back and have just put up my podcast picks fer week 12 of the NFL! Ok, so here is the transcript ... and pay close attention to the end where I mentioned a Fender Telecaster! As Chuck Berry says, "all I want fer christmas is a rock and roll electric guitar" ... though I reckon I'll just do some country pickin' on it!

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' and I'm back a rarin' to go with my licks fer Week 12 of the NFL, that thar's the National Football League, where the Lion's play every thanksgiving fer 4 quarters ... and still one has ever won a buck on'em. This year, they lost again! Ah, holiday traditions ... ain't they a hoot? Now I hope y'all got some good eatin' in on Thanksgivin'. I know I did! I'm still as stuffed with as much cornbread stuffing as that thar turkey was.

Now a some a y'all might be a wonderin' where I was fer the last two weeks. Well, see y'all might not know it but uh I'm in a Bluegrass Band called ... well "the Jugmongers". And well, we had us some heavy tourin' to do on the road playin' at some great hootenannies and honky tonks. So I thought I'd take me a "bye" week just like them players do. But I ended up takin' a "bye bye" week cause we run out a gas somewhere North a Jupiter and South a Juno. Y'all know what I mean? I think you do! If y'all wanna hear some a our bluegrass music recorded live, git on over to - that thar's Jugmongers with a "J". And uh, you can hear me pickin' the guitar and playin' the harp and singin' with my sweety deety, Jolene. Alright, so I'm back and as they say across that thar pond "right as the wind", so here we go.

Now, just a quick night cap ... uh I mean recap of them game what were played on Turkey day. Uh, Let's see them Green Bay Packers sent them Detroit Lions a packin' - no surprise thar. And, them Dallas Cowboys shot up them Oakland Raiders - that was a no brainer! And them Denver Broncos beat up on them New York Giants. Well, that thar was a cryin' shame fer that youngin' quarteyback. Ok, so it's on to Sunday's games, and here we go...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-9) at Atlanta Falcons (5-5)
All right, first up we got us them Buccaneers vs. them Falcons. It seems we do this dance every week in and out, folks. So grab your partner and dosey doe ... in Tampa Bay there's no Yo-Ho-Ho. Falcolns at the stadium scratching out dough ... Buccaneers goin' home with o-o-o's. Buck take thar zero!

Indianapolis Colts (10-0) at Houston Texans (5-5)
Ok, next up is them Colts vs. them Texans. Now the Texans are 5 up and 5 down. The Colts, of course, are undefeated. Now I reckon that some folks think that this here is the week that Peyton Manning and Company will lose their first game. Now I know the holiday's are a comin', so I reckon that y'all must got all worked on fruiticake or somethin' ... cause that thar notion is nuttier than a pecan log ... or a fruitcake ... or somethin'. Now them Houston boys have lost 2 in row and I says "misery loves company" ... so they is a gonna make it 3. Sorry Hoss!

Miami Dolphins (5-5) at Buffalo Bills (3-7)
Alright, this here is my game of the week. It's my Fin svs. them Bills. The Fins got them 2 wins in a row and that last game, what with Ricky Williams steppin' up fer "lost fer the season" Ronnie Brown, wasn't an easy game to win. But them boys did me proud ... and Ricky, well he's a hero and wins the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Now, them Miami boys need a win need a win to keep them in the hunt fer the wild cards... so this week they is a gonna go a huntin' fer Buffalo. It's a division game and them Bills got nothing to lose. So that's what they'll take home this week, a whole lot a nothin'!

Washington Redskins (3-7) at Philadelphia Eagles (6-4)
Ok, next up is them Redskins, what go to Philadelphia a lookin' fer them Eagles. I tell you what it might be a whole lot easier to get on over to the Walmart and git them some day after Thanksgiving frozen turkey, or maybe a can a spam or somethin', cause them Eagles ain't gonna do nothin' but fly off with a victory this week. Redskins?Well, I guess they can go home with that can a spam.

Chicago Bears (4-6) at Minnesota Vikings (9-1)
All right, now we got us them Vikings vs. them Bears. Now, see this here is the point in the season where it's gits a bit easier to prognosticate what's a gonna go down. I reckon ole' Burt Favre is a gonna declaw them bears again. Not much else thar.... it is what is.

Carolina Panthers (4-6) at New York Jets (4-6)
Ok, this here's an interestin' game. It's them Panthers vs. them Jets. Let's see, them kitties are feelin' poorly and them Jets ... well they're runnin' out a gas. Mark Sanchez laid a bunch a rotten eggs last week in New England and most folks are wonderin' whether's there's any meat left on that bone. Now, them Panthers' are lookin' fer a wildcard ... and I think they got the edge here. So go with them kitties! The Jets will ride the short bus home from the stadium a compliments a Mark Sanchez who will be drivin'.

Arizona Cardinals (7-3) at Tennessee Titans (4-6)
Now, it's them Cardinals vs. them Titans. Them boys from Tennessee have won four in a row and they is on a roll! Kurt Warner! Well, he ate him some dirt last week and might be, as the King says "I'm all shook up, a hey hey, hey baby! Now my head is hittin' the ground" - Oh, and I suspect that most folks think he'll be rattled up this week. So, I'm gonna go with them Titans, too, but also cause I think things are a lookin' up fer them Titans ... uh pardon the pun, ya son of a gun.

Cleveland Browns (1-9) at Cincinnati Bengals (7-3)
All right, next up is them Browns vs. them Bengals. Uh huh, not much to say here, folks. Go with them Bengals - and y'all want to now why? Well, it's because it don't take a roto-rooter to know what's in that thar Cleveland outhouse!

Seattle Seahawks (3-7) at St. Louis Rams (1-9)
Ok , next up, well here we go! From the Cleveland outhouse straight to the Stinker Bowl, that's right! When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, git ye' your clothes pins and stick them on your nose!Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them 3 and 7 Seahawks vs. them, you guessed it, them 1 and Rams. Hey, y'all think the Rams a got a snow ball in hell's chance a winnin' this here game? Some folks do. But me and myself says - a no! And, we is unanimous! Poor Rams! And guess what? Them boys from Seattle are a finally gonna win one onthe road! It won't be pretty and it's gonna be messy, but hell it's the Stinker Bowl! And that's what outhouses are a made for.

Jacksonville Jaguars (6-4) at San Francisco 49ers (4-6)
All right, now we got us them Jaguars vs. them 49ers. I tell you what, one team is 4 and 6 and them others is 6 and 4. Sounds like a 6 a one and half a dozen of the other, so I just spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to them kitties. And, I agree cause them Jaguars are just better in passin', rushin' and totals yards. The 49ers, well heck, Greenbay deep-sixed them last week and I reckon they're a just gonna stay down thar in the dumps fer another week.

Kansas City Chiefs (3-7) at San Diego Chargers (7-3)
Ok, now it's them 3 and 7 Chiefs (cha cha) vs. them 7 and 3 Chargers (cha cha cha). Uh huh ... this one makes makin' mashed potater's look easy! Go with them Chargers. (cha cha cha!).

Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4) at Baltimore Ravens (5-5)
Ok, yonder come them Steelers and them Ravens. Ok, now Roethslinger is another Quartey back what ate dirt last week and went to la-la-land fer a bit - so I bet Baltimore's Joe Flacco what goes whacko, reckons he'll be able strut Raven feathers a bit. Still, I think, his feathers will just git ruffled, whether Roethslinger plays or not. Go with them Steelers!

New England Patriots (7-3) at New Orleans Saints (10-0)
Alright! It's Monday Night Football and, game a the week fer y'all. This here's a gonna be a good one. It's them undefeated Saints what play host to them 7 and 3 Patriots. If and them Saint's are a hopin' to fell them Patriots like a hollow log, they're barkin' up the wrong tree. Tom Brady's gonna git mean. Still, I think them Saints are packin' a heavin' helpin of Holy Moly ... and they will come out ahead. Looks like Reggie Bush is a gonna play some, I reckon. And, Drew Brees? Eell you just call him the breeze and he'll keep them Saints ablowin' down the road to the Super Bowl.

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, as y'all know the holiday's, well they is upon us! And since, as the song goes, 'tis the season to be jolly by golly ms. molly - all y'all what will be countin' your bucks what with all that money from my picks what I just gave you, can send me a tip so I can git me a new guitar ... a Telecaster fer some country pickin'. ... got me one on layway ... it's a Fender .... and I won't bend her, if y'all do right be my. So git on over to - that's jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with that thar Telecaster.

This here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a holiday words wisdom: When they say that pants are half off in the K-Mart or Walmart or any old mart .... make sure they ain't yours!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 9

Howdy Folks! Them Yankees may have won the World Series again ... but the "South shall rise again!". Meanwhile, I just posted my picks fer week 9 of the NFL. Fer those a y'all what don't like my voice, well here is the script:

Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' - and this here is muh picks fer Week 9 of the NFL, that thar's the National Football League, where 4 quarters add up to whole heapin' lot more than just 1 buck. Now last week, I picked 9 of them games. Yes sir - that thar was good, I reckon! So let's get on it, cause them tail gater's are a gittin' jumpy.

Green Bay Packers (4-3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7)
All right first up we got us them Packers vs. them Buccaneers. Now I reckon that most folks a feel that them Packers are a gonna beat up on them Tampa Bay boys fer the beatin' they took last week from Burt Favre and his purple people eaters. Heck, why not? Them Buccaneers at 0 and 7 look like easy targets. But I tell you what, I think there's a gonna be some a yo-ho-hoin' on Sunday as them Buccanners git their first win. Them Packers are gonna have to pack it on down the road. Sorry boys.

Kansas City Chiefs (1-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars (3-4)
Ok, next up is them Chiefs vs. them Jaguars. Now them Kansas City boys had a bye week to figure out which end is up where as them JAX kitties got buried in kitty litter last week. Now, generally speakin' - haha I said thar "General Lee" - uh, generally I like them Florida teams so I'm a gonna go with them Jaguars. The Chiifs are a gonna git rode hard and put up wet.

Baltimore Ravens (4-3) at Cincinnati Bengals (5-2)
Now, we got us them Ravens vs. them Bengals. This here's a gonna be a good game! It's Joe Flacco vs. Carson Palmer ... or Calson Parmer ... I forget. Anyways, a course there's whole mess a other players, too. But I reckon this game will be won in the air. Them birds need this win to save their season ... but I think them Cincinnati boys are a gonna' bring on the sacks to bag them some bird. Go with them Bengals!

Washington Redskins 2-5 at Atlanta Falcons (4-3)
Ok, yonder come them Redskins at 2 and 5 and them Falcons at 4 and 3. I think them Atlanta boys are a gonna bounce back from last week. Matt Ryan's a gonna show them Redskins how to scalp themselves. Go with Falcons cause a Washington's gonna fall out of that thar Falcon's nest and hit every branch on the way down.

Carolina Panthers (3-4) at New Orleans Saints (7-0)
Ok, now we got us them Panthers and them Saints. Oh, when them Saints come marchin'in' y'all better hide your Panther kin. Cause them Saints are in "Seventh Heaven" and I reckon they're a gonna git 8.

San Diego Chargers (4-3) at NY Giants (5-3)
All right, now is them Chargers vs. them Giants. Now, I tell you what, them Giants are a playin' finer than frog's hair ... so that's not sayin' much. Can Eli Manning git them a win o'er them Chargers? Well, at the end of day I think ole Phil Rivers will be eatin' them Giant's frog legs.

Miami Dolphins (3-4) at New England Patriots (5-2)
All right folks, game of the week fer me! This one here's divisional. My Dolphin swim on over to visit them New England Patriots. Now last week, my Fins found a way to win even with Teddie Gin! Imagine that! One minutes your in the dog house and the next your at the top of the four corners of the world. How about them Patriots? Tom Brady ... he ain't no Cindy from that thar Brady Bunch. He'll be a lookin' fer the Tuna this Sunday and won't mind canning them Dolphins as well. So who's a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon? I says go with them Miami boys cause I think Tom Brady won't be able to stand up to Miami's pass rush.

Houston Texans (5-3) at Indianapolis Colts (7-0)
Next up is them Texans vs. them Colts. Hmm. Glory be, I tell you what ... this one's gonna be ugly. Now you know ole' Peyton's he's a gonna do his best, and so will Matt Schaub. But only one of them is a gonna take the Cherry pie ... and leave the pits fer with the other. Seein' as some of them Colts running backs are havin' a hard time a holdin' on to the pigskin ... well, I'm just a gonna go with them Colts. The Texans are a gonna shoot themselves in the footsies. Sorry, Hoss!

Arizona Cardinals (4-3) at Chicago Bears (4-3)
Ok, now we got us them Cardinals and them Bears. They're a both 4 and 3. One's got a Warner what's a 19th in passing, and the other's gotta Cutler what's a 20th in passing. So, I just spun me my little pigskin and, well it pointed to them Bears. I'm not surprised, cause them Cardinals are like last in rushing, but this week they're a gonna be first to rush off to the outhouse.

Detroit Lions (1-6) vs. them Seattle (2-5)
All right folks and kin, now we got us the Stinker Bowl, that's right. When you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go ... git you your clothes pins and put them on your nose. This week it's them 1 and 5 Lions vs. them 2 and 5 Seahawks. Now them Lions are so dull they couldn't cut nary a stick a hot butter - but they managed to win one last week. Hope they savor that thar win cause another is a gonna be a long time comin'. Go with them Seahawks.

Tennessee Titans (1-6) at San Francisco (3-4)
Ok. now it's the 1 and 6 Titans vs. then 3 and 4 49ers. Them boys from San Francisco lost last week and want to git back to "even Steven" so that means them Tennessee boys take the short bus home from the stadium. Let's be honest folks, if that thar Stinker Bowl took three teams, the Titams would be one of them.

Dallas Cowboys (5-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (5-2)
All right not we got us them Cowboys vs. them Eagles. Both a these here teams are 5 and 2 - but only one of them is gonna make it 6 and it ain't gonna be the Eagles. I'm gonna be intellectual about this. If y'all look at the stats betwixt these two teams, it's like the only one them Philadelphia boys are ahead on is puntin'. So go with the Cowboys and yippee caye' your on your way.

Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) vs. Denver Broncos (6-1)
All right, it's Monday Night Football and them Steelers go up to Denver to face them Broncos. This here is a gonna be a good game. Now them Broncos have been stampedin' ... until last week that when they came up against an even wilder herd a Colts. And, them Pittsburgh boys, well they're a all warmed up and in high gear. But I reckon, it' just won't be enough. Better luck next week.

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, as I said, the holiday's is a just around the bend. Time fer me to start puttin some down payments on some little what nots fer my Sweety Deety Jolene. So I hope that fer all a you what will be fannin' yourselves with all that money from my picks what I just gave you well, don't ferget me ... and Jolene neither! So git on over to - that's jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with some of that pumpkin pie!

This here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off with some words a wisdoms ... especially fer that thar Jet's coach what's mouth overloaded his butt last Sunday: All right here it goes: If y'all think the sun come up just to hear you crow ... don't be surprised when your ears begin to grow ... (hee haw, hee haw)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 8

Howdy Folks! This here is Judd Jugmonger and I just posted me up my poscast fer y'all with my picks fer week 8. Now, you might be able to understandin' that my voice this week is a bit slow. The truth is I'm jsut plu tuckered out from all that singin' us Jugmongers did at the Halloween Hootennany in Juno last night. But, as they say the show must go on like that thar little pinl Energizer hare. So here is the transcript from my show:

Well howdy folks! This here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe' - and this here is muh picks fer Week 8 of the NFL, that thar's the Nat-ee-onal Football League. Where there's a full-back, a half-back and quarterback ... but thar ain't no fiddlebacks ... though I reckon if a y'all like Bluegrass music as a much as I do you mind a few in the stands.

Now last week, I picked 8 of them games. Yes sir - that thar was good I reckon' ... 'cept no one sent me some of that thar BBQ sauce I asked ya to git me! Well, maybe this week y'all will be more kindly especially as I'm all fired up after singin' all night at the Halloween Hootenanny. So Let's get on it.

Carolina Panthers (2-4) at Arizona Cardinals (4-2)
Ok, first up is them Panthers vs. Cardinals. Will them kitties git the bird? I think so .... but it won't be the eatin' kind.

San Francisco 49ers (3-3) at Indianapolis Colts (6-0)
All right, that was an easy one. Now we got us them Colts vs them 49ers. I reckon there's a gonna be a stampede. Them boys from San Francisco are a gonna end up lookin' like rice-a-roni ... and you know that thar will be Peyton Manning's eatin' treat. Now them 49ers have been makin' some moves on their roster ... but uh ... I think them movements are as about as useful as a trap door in a canoe.

Houston Texans (4-3) at Buffalo Bills (3-4)
Ok now we got us them Texans vs. them Bills. This one here is a toss up. So I just spun my little pigskin what I got and it pointed to them Texans.... now I think Buffalo Boys have more to lose than a fat tick that's a gonna squashed ... but I think them Houston boys are a gonna give them a few wrinkles ... and my little pigskin agrees. So, go with the Texans, Hoss.

Cleveland Browns (1-6) at Chicago Bears (3-3)
All right we got us them Browns vs. them Bears. Knock Knock .... who's that thar ... "Bear Claw" ... uh ... Bear claw who's that thar? Bear claw ... and that's all she wrote. Them Browns are a gonna have to changes their names to black and blues.

Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) at Tennessee Titans (0-6)
Next up is them 3 and 3 Jaguars vs. them 0 and 6Titans. Will this be the week that Tennessee is a gonna see a victory? I reckon not. Them Jacksonville boys are a gonna go through them faster than green grass through a goose!

St. Louis Rams (0-7) at Detroit Lions (1-5)
All right, next up we go us them 0 and 7 Rams vs them 1 and 5 Lions. I's the Loser's Bowl! Swing low sweet chariot comin' forth to carry the "poor rams" home. I tell you what if someone's a gonna walk out that thar outhouse smellin' like flowers it's a gonna be them Lions. I'll say it again, poor rams.

Seattle Seahawks (2-4) at Dallas Cowboys (4-2)
- Ok, next up it's them Seahawks and then Cowboys. Hmmm. Tony Romo vs. Matt Hassleback. I think that thar football is a gonna be airborn so much this week's, it's a gonna sprout wings. So who's a gonna git the Pabst blue ribbon? Well, I think them Cowboys have got the edge and they will find way to throw them Seattle boys over it.

Minnesota Vikings (6-1) at Green Bay Packers (4-2)
- Ok, now we got us a game to watch. If thar's a few a you what like watchin' Nascar a hopin' fer a crash, well this here will be a game fer you. Bert Favre and his Vikings are a gonna show up with the ugly stick and when they're through they're a gonna make them Green Bay boys sooo ugly they could run a dog off a meat wagon. The Packers will ride the short bus home from the stadium. Sorry, boys.

New York Giants (5-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (4-2)
Ok, it's them Giants vs. them Eagles. Hey y'all remember in that thar King Kong movie when them little planes were a buzzin' round that overgrown monkey what was on the Empire State Buildin'? Remember how that thar Donkey Kong swatted them down like gnats on a backside? Well that's what Eli Manning and Company is a gonna do to them Philadelphia birds. The only things flyin' on Sunday will be some buzzards lookin' fer Eagle roadkill.

Miami Dolphins (2-4) at New York Jets (4-3)
All right, fer me this here is the game of the week. It's my Dolphins vs. them Jets. Come on you wildcat! Now I tell you what, in all my born days I'd never such rotten officiatin' during that thar game what we had last week against them Saints. Them striped zebras boys oughts to be tar and feathered fer them calls. And I still got me the shakes from that thar 2nd half metldown! But this week is another week and like I always say ... tomorrow is another day. ... and I reckon it's another game the Jets will take a nose dive. Hope Mark Sanchez won't be wearin' white!

Oakland Raiders (2-5) at San Diego Chargers (3-3)
Now it's them Chargers vs. them Raiders.... ok quick pick .... cause a this one's a gonna be a stinker! There will be as many thrills as watchin a pack a slow movin' turtles. I'd go with them Chargers, but I could just as easily say them Raiders... and that thar's the truth! If there's a shuffle board match on TV ... well, go ahead and watch it then.

Denver Broncos (6-0) at Baltimore Ravens (3-3)
All right! It's them 6 and 0 Broncos vs. them 3 and 3 Ravens. Now I think, that if thar's an undefeated team what is gonna lose this week .. well ... it won't be them Ravens. I prognosticate the Ravens will fly high again and the only way them Broncos are gonna be able to share the air with them will be if and they git on back to "Mile High" stadium.

Atlanta Falcons (4-2) at New Orleans Saints (6-0)
All right it's Monday Night Football and it's them 4 and 2 Falcons vs. them Saints 6 and 0 Saints. Call me crazier than dog what's been run over ... but I think them Saints are a gonna fall to them Falcons .... HAHA - Just Joshin' with you folks! It will take a miracle for them Atlanta boys to go a peckin on them New Orleans boys any higher than their toes.

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, as it's the 1st of November, the holiday season is just around the corner. So I'm gettin' a hankerin' fer some pumpkin pie. Well, fer all a you folks who will be plannin' what to buy their friends and kin with all that thar money from my picks what I just gave you well, don't ferget me!. Heck, I'd be happy if ya send me even a little slice, but don't ferget that thar whipped toppin! Just spray some on thar fer me. So git on over to - that's jugmongers with a "J" - and set me up with some of that pumpkin pie!

This here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off with a Halloween incantation: "Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble ... send ole' Judd Jugmonger some pumpkin pie on the double." I thank you. I thank you very much.